Onwards and upwards we go, still sniggering at the sausage seeing the roll Dating thread 26

[lubeybooby]

New one!

All dating related gumph here.

I feel shit too.

I havent had the opportunity to have work top action, gushing and the like. I feel utterly unattractive and pretty grim actually. My (male friend) told me last night that I answer a question with a question and he absoutely hates it, along with other minor character flaws. I didnt realise I was so bad.

And my job has just been taken from me. I spent years training to do a very specialised job. However a restructure has resulted in my manager being given my job (although she isnt trained) and me doing another job which I dont want.

And Ive got no one to talk to about it. Watch, I hear what you are saying.

Sorry - self indulgent.

"where i now am, is so so so far away from the direction it was heading, and from what i imagined, but you do what you can. and thats ok"

watch Amen. When I graduated from uni 20 years ago, full of plans to do a PhD, have a fab career, take a short break to have babies, be supermum, married forever, blah blah....well I never imagined I'd be single & down at the job centre signing on and unable to get a job. But you carry on, you learn you have new strengths and try like fuck not to let it get you down.

sponge Please add me to those who are fucking furious on your behalf!!! What the hell is wrong with men?? Honestly, I do not get it. And for the record, while I'm all for a bit of sexting, I will not be sending naked photos of myself to anyone, ever whether it's after 1 date or 1 year. Because these days such things never go away and even if you break up years down the line who knows where those photos could end up. And anyone who has a problem with a firm NO on the matter can just fuck right off.

Snape Can I be smug and say "I told you so" re the skirts?
You sound perky today. It's lovely to hear.

oh westernwind. positive thoughts your mans way. how mysterious.

I too started od literally on 1st January this year. after deciding that I was now recovered after exdp and ready to face the world again. I didn't bank on the od world to be so shitty though!! 11 months later at least I've got a few stories to tell and laugh about.

cosmic ordering - I asked for three things and two I them came true bizarrely... (1 of them i never ever thought would happen but it did!!) the third thing may have come true it's only just occurred to me it could be that. but it happened two days free the end of the time period I asked for it to happen in.

Thanks watch, yes, seem to be in a massive black hole today. Children have been with their Dad since Tuesday evening - gives me way too much time to dwell on being an abject failure when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex. Even my most cynical, man hating friend (who is very similar in lots of ways to my) who was resolutely single for 4 years, has managed to bag a decent man - and is sending me text to say 'Andy is so thoughtful' 'Andy is sooo good with DC' 'Andy's just booked a holiday for both of us in Spain' ad infinitum..... I really want to be happy for her (and my other 3 'previously single' friends) but it just makes me grind my teeth (whilst smiling, natch!). You don't think we're too fussy, do you?

Picking up DC at mid-day today and had arrangement for lunch and bowling with a friend and her DC - however, she's (only) just cancelled half of the plan which has caused me aggro and re-planning!

SoberSAAB (met 3 years ago in RL but timing was awful, contacted me again recently) is still texting on a regular basis a couple of times each day - which is nice but has not, so far, phoned despite having my phone number and me suggesting a good time for a call - which I find odd. I'm not going to harass him about it but.... The details of our date on Tuesday are yet to be finalised. A big part of me wants to just cancel, I just can't be arsed.

Coffee would be lovely! Let me know nearer the time and I'll come up to you. x

Sponge I'm sorry, he could say 'sorry' 'til he was blue in the face, he's done it now and there's no taking it back. Just saying. Onward and upward!! x

I'm going to wait and see what he comes back with.

In the context of our date, its not that shocking a request I don't think. If we had parted with just a hug, or a v brief kiss or something then I'd think he had a bloody cheek. But he has had a grope of my boobs (over bra) whilst we were kissing so asking for a photo of them.. I still think its not great but for me its not necessarily the end of the world. BUT he should understand that I may not at this stage feel comfortable with sending that and accept my refusal with good grace.

So we'll see what he comes back with.

On the basis that the policeman whilst we were snogging commented on how good I was with my mouth and what in future he wanted me to be doing to him I'm not convinced he's a better bet.

MadameO yes pass on my details to gsm man. He can't be any worse...

scatty. Sorry to hear you're feeling a bit down. I would question your 'friend' doing a minor character-assassination... If these kind of comments need to be said at all, then they need to be said carefully and from a place of love. if it was a bit full-on I'd maybe consider some distance for a bit...it's important to be around people who help you feel good about yourself.

madameO oh, smug-old-you. Yeah, I feel good today, obviously that may change, it's all a process, but that's fine. :) I can basically summarise as 'I'm incredible, he's an emotionally stilted arse. I gave too much and wanted something that in retrospect wouldn't have been a good idea, so everything that has happened is fine.'

Of course if he does manage to scrape together a proper apology, I will reconsider my standpoint, but at the moment I like the feeling of the dust settling. I'm keeping busy, looking after myself, all manner of things will be well.

sponge - I am so sorry to hear this. I was chatting to someone last night on okc who seemed genuine and nice,then suddenly sent a message about what he'd like to do to me right now.....it beggars belief. No one would do that in the middle of a chat over coffee in real life ....would they?

I have had an absolutely lovely message on GS from someone ten years older than me (I am 44) and living 100 miles away..although,as he says,we are on a direct train line..he looks very grown up and has written two beautiful messages asking straight up if we can meet for coffee soon and giving me his phone number to reply. He is a journalist and has a wiki page.Utterly charming....I have sent him a text to say I would love to arrange a coffee.

Meanwhile...nice but disappearing man who deleted his profile "by accident" has continued to chat online and continued to sound nice...we have arranged a date for coffee next friday...but something about his disappearing and also that he has not moved our contact away from the site - despite my suggestion that we text - makes me wonder if all is not what it seems,so I have messaged this morning to say just that - exactly what I have written there.....wonder what he will do now...

Scatty, so sorry to hear about the job. And it's so horrible having no one to talk to about it - I find that's one of the worst things about being single. We have to cope with everything on our own. I totally identify with you in feeling unattractive and grim, too. Sending hugs your way,

Eiepie, hope you feel better when your DC come back today. I've had almost the opposite situation - my ex decided to jet off on holiday for the week, and therefore not see DS at all during half term. DS has autism and I'm utterly exhausted. It's hard to get a minute to myself as he won't play by himself (I don't usually come on MN when he's around, but I thought a quick break might save my sanity for the day).

Hello to everyone else.

Libby - it is so hard when you never get a break,and yes,carrying everything alone with no one to talk to is lonely. My youngest dd,2yo, has nc with her father and my teens ,who help enormously are now away for the weekend.

Feeling exhausted and realising I have no opportunity to discover whether or not I can gush buckets....

I hate it when they ask for 'wank fodder' some of them really seem to believe that we're flattered or sexually aroused because they want to jerk off whilst looking at out pictures.

I use mildly erotic but tasteful underwear pics in my profiles but never ever ever use or send anything explicit

Snape you are doing amazing. Totoally understand your standpoint on it all. You go girl! All manner of things will indeed be well.

Hugs for those feeling generally crap about things, particularly being not where you thought you'd be. If it helps at all I'm a great believer in changing perception.

I'll explain. I'm a happy type and a survivor type. I think one of the reasons i tend to be generally very happy is that I congratulate myself constantly for small acheivements. getting out of bed, paying a bill, making it through a week of work, running my house by myself and I don't look at all at what I haven't done or haven't got.

Another thing is that because I've come from a background of having DD at 16, continuing education and working my way to where I am now (which is pretty damn alright for someone often written off as a teen single mum) nothing has ever really been all that expected of me and I really never expected much of myself either, or had a plan to have job/house/partner/kids. So I feel no sense of having not acheived something.

My point is, I bet those of you feeling a bit crap about it all are in pretty much the same position as me, which really isn't an awful one, we just have different perceptions of it. I think I'm doing marvellously well, while you feel somehow lacking or failed. It's not true! Try to look at it as having survived through shite, and still surviving. And that is worthy of a huge pat on the back and a sense of happiness. Also being single with kids means it's likely you have decided not to put up with crap, or purged a crappy ex from your life. Again that's another thing worthy of being happy about.

I could view my life as crap, I don't own my house, I don't earn enough, I don't have a stable partner

But meh to not owning a house, so what - too much emphasis is put on getting on the property ladder. I do at least earn, something not easy in recent times. I do have a happy and stable daughter thanks to getting rid of ex, a stable life that I succesfully run, fun when I need it, food on the table and my wits about me, and my sanity because I'm not putting up with any bolleaux.

My positive spin service is available free of charge for anyone who wants it

lubeybooby - you are SO right. I too had ds1 young (at 21 - I gave up college to doss with exdp :( ) then realising i had to provide for my ds so i sorted myself out..have managed to work full time with uni to get to a very good position that I'm now in. we want for nothing and rely on no one. I guess having someone to share fun with now would be the icing but time will tell if that eventually happens. we should pat ourselves on the back. just for surviving and getting through what we have.

Hey lubey, thanks for the positive spin. I don't actually view my life as crap at all, it's just that some days it feels harder than others not to wonder "what if" or "when will things get easier". As I'm not feeling particularly cheery today I am opting for some Jewish Grandmother therapy - making a roast chicken and homemade soup for dinner, can't wait for the house to start smelling delicious! x

sponge, no, the policeman doesnt look good either.... sorry. its shit. Dump them both and try the GS man.

snape - you sound like you are doing ok :) well done, i know its hard. Im also still in awe of your weight loss. I think im going to do dukan, which is medically how im meant to eat...... do you have a book, or did you google, i thnk there is a 5 day plan to start off with or something?

Lubey - i know you are right. Im just feeling dispondent. And exhuasted from my week away. Im sure it will pass. Im generally happy and pleased with my life, but i cant lie and say it wouldnt be very nice to have a loving relationship.

sorry to all those that are feeling low today. I shall raise a virtual glass of rum to you all later.

I refuse to apologise further for what I still see as brave and lovely

Why should you have to apologise at all? It's your feelings and you can't avoid them. You just wanted to clarify things, essentially.
He rejected you, fair enough, and then he was an arse about it.
You can chose to walk away and stop being hurt.
Even if he wants to be "friends", I'm not sure it will be healthy for you.

Also, so sorry Sponge. I was so pleased for you (and crossing all fingers). Cuthbert is a twat and I'm not sure I'd have answered that message, TBH. At least not until the next day...

It's like starting over in an abandoned garden. Most plants are weeds. We just have to go through them and will occasionally find a decent garden plant. Sometimes we are lucky, but sometimes we have to work all the way to the bottom of the garden.

I agree with Lubey. It does make us happier to be thankful for what we have or have achieved. Welcome the good things that come our way, and reject/step over the crap.

Lubey thanks for that.I feel inspired and encouraged

I think I had the book.....maybe.... But the website is very helpful. 5 day start plan is basically protein (no cheese! Fail!). Then you reintroduce some veg on alternate days. The threads on MN are great. :)

Gettingit - thanks. Hope your youngest dd isn't an early riser like my DS - 5.30 this morning, aaaagh!

Lubey, that's an interesting post. I tend to be a bit pessimistic and am always blaming myself for things I don't do well. I'm going to try to adopt a bit of your positive attitude and see if it helps. For a start, I got out of bed this morning (despite an awful night) so I'll start by praising myself that!

I think I'm going to see Safrican one more time, maybe, she is a nice person, I can't fault her and say she's boring or unpleasant or unattractive.

And there's chemistry, I can't deny that. Quite a lot. But I dunno. I can't see it being a long term thing and while having a FWB is something I could consider I kind of want a (cringe) partner in crime where we just get each other.

And Safrican and I could get each other in the bedroom but not outside it, I think. Maybe I shouldn't see her the third time, we'd end up in bed together (properly this time rather than just a bit of a fumble like last night) and I'd feel like an arse dumping her after that.

Bantam why don't you wait til after you've seen the nurse again? Cause if there's loads of chemistry and you want to end up in bed together sooner rather than later then you might not want to go there with Safrican.

bant. It's tempting to enter into things only if you see them as a long term thing, but the lovely thing is.... You can't actually tell without the benefits of time travel.

That said, if you have the feeling that she would make a good fwb, but you don't really 'get' each other outside the bedroom (& I refer to previous thread advice about people 'getting you') and you don't want to dump her after sex.....and it isnt inevitable that you will DTD after the next date.... then you're really only considering continuing to see her because you'd get a shag out of it.

Are you? (No judgement implied)

Sponge how dare he ffs. I am also angry with Cuthbert. Why do some of these men think this is acceptable at this stage in the game. This fuckwittery takes its toll. It's the crushing of hope that this might be different that is so hard to deal with. Whatever you decide to do, his card is very much marked with fuckwit points.

Maybe we should actually have cards, with fuckwit stamps. Different points for type and level of fuckwittery. This would get a 8 out of 10.

Nowt wrong with a FWB bantam as long as she knows that's all it will be. Otherwise you are just using her and she may thing it is actually going somewhere special when all the time you are thinking 'she's not actively unpleasant so I suppose I will see her again, she is a tad annoying with her exclamation mark usage though...'. Which would be :( for her.

Oh and FFS I am also pissed off on your behalf, sponge. They both sound very disrespectful! What a pair of knobbers.