Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Hat wars and soup-er dates, let the sausage see the roll... The Online Dating Thread reaches 25!

999 replies

Yogagirl17 · 23/10/2012 16:17

Erm...hope nobody minds?

OP posts:
TimeForMeAndDD · 29/10/2012 07:58

Going by his responses Watch, I would say he likes you a lot, he feels you get on great as friends, but for him the sexual spark isn't there and he hasn't got the desire to jump your bones yet, but because he likes you he is hoping that the day will come when he will feel like jumping your bones. The words 'from embers' is very telling I think.

I do think it's all a bit odd, and it's too much like hard work, he is expecting you to invest a lot of time and emotion in a situation which might not improve. Sex is important to you so it's not going to work and you are right to walk. This is 'dating', not preparation for marriage, you don't have to over invest in someone at this early stage, unless you like him enough to want to.

watchoutforthatsnail · 29/10/2012 08:00

And he said early on. Date 2 or 3 that he usually blows things by treating women has friends.
So i think ges got history of doing this

TimeForMeAndDD · 29/10/2012 08:00

He sounds very similar to that other guy you dated, the one before puppy, you got on great with him too but he sat on the end of the sofa, talking about your boobs but not making a moved on them. Although Pirate does sound to have more about him intellectually.

bantamrooster · 29/10/2012 08:03

watch sounds like he's more asexual than you, you're probably right, it's just not going to work.

But you both owe it to both of you to understand if that's the reason why he's not making a move.

TimeForMeAndDD · 29/10/2012 08:03

Maybe he just isn't all that bothered about having a relationship of any kind. He did say he was only on the dating site because his friends said he should be, and he does have a pretty full social life so may be happy with his lot. It's a shame though because he does sound like a nice guy.

TimeForMeAndDD · 29/10/2012 08:06

Bantam I don't think they owe each other anything, it's only dating, it's not at relationship stage or anything like that yet. And the fact that there are issues causing stress at such an early stage is an indicator that there is something amiss. It's fine to say "It's not working for me" and walk away thanking someone for a nice few dates. There is nothing they have to resolve.

FateLovesTheFearless · 29/10/2012 08:12

inboxed you watch :)

Morning everyone, not been on a lot the past few days, college is trying to kill me off with assignments and the kids are all super excited for halloween meaning they are driving me a little insane Grin

All is going fine with NL, he was over saturday night, but has a fair bit on over the next few days so not expecting to see him until college on wednesday, maybe not even then as he has organised a big halloween party with a mate on tuesday so may be in hangover hell Grin Still trying my best to remember its just fun and still failing miserably :)

Going to go read back and see where everyone is at.

Yogagirl17 · 29/10/2012 08:14

It's definitely not you watch, sounds like he just doesn't have a huge amount of interest in sex, period. Almost like, 'if we carry on long enough because I really like you I'm sure I could be pursuaded to do it...'. So clearly NOT what you want. And you aren't under any obligation to try and 'make it work' - again, not as if this is something that's krept into a relationship you've both invested years in. It sounds like completely the right decision for you and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

However...I do think he maybe deserves more than a text. (It's not as if he's been an arse in some way, you've just realised he's not for you) A phone call at least. I just know how hurt and angry I would be if someone i really liked and had been seeing for a month dumped me by text. Sorry, just something to think about.

OP posts:
TimeForMeAndDD · 29/10/2012 08:15

Fate that's not fair! I want to know what advice you have given Watch Grin

I'm pleased all is going well for you. I do love your FB posts, they make me laugh, your kids are great and a credit to you Smile

watchoutforthatsnail · 29/10/2012 08:15

Dumped.
He said thinking about it he thinks hes seeing me more as a friend first. But said if i wanted to see him a few more times and see what happened?
And that he nearly did sat but didnt get the final push from his body sat. So didnt.

I told him no. I want to keave it and if he could return my dvd through my letter box.

Glad i listened to my instincts now instead of waiting weeks feelings deeping and getting hurt.

But still :(

Yogagirl17 · 29/10/2012 08:18

Aw, ok then. Sorry, you must be really disappointed as you seemed to get on so well. Personally Pirates don't do it for me - the image always makes me picture someone who needs a good wash although I could be pursuaded to wash Jonny Depp if you twisted my arm [hwink]

OP posts:
TimeForMeAndDD · 29/10/2012 08:20
Sad

It is a shame Watch, but best you end it now before you do get emotionally attached, less painful now than it would be another few weeks down the line.

He does sound like a nice guy, and not a guy who has sex just for the sake of having sex. I like that.

TimeForMeAndDD · 29/10/2012 08:21

I've seen his picture Yoga and he did it for me Grin

FateLovesTheFearless · 29/10/2012 08:22

time unfortunately i think someone else reads my messages on here ;) but basically i was kinda saying what bantam said. Ish. Grin I just think its a shame to meet someone you gel so well with and not see if that side of things may develop. If not then move on time :)

Ahh thank you, those kids of mine are crazy little people, they provide plenty of fb material!

When do you start the new job? How is DD about it all?

TimeForMeAndDD · 29/10/2012 08:26

Ahhhhhhh! I get you Fate Wink So you are being stalked and your privacy being invaded. I've been there, it's not nice.

Your kids are great and you are a great mum, that is evident! Smile

I start new job on the 12th of November and DD is over the moon and very proud of me, but sick of hearing me sing "I've got a jobbbbbbb" Grin

FateLovesTheFearless · 29/10/2012 08:30

Cant say for sure, but possibly ;)

Aha, I wasnt so sure they were great this morning with my super early wake up call!

Grin thats brilliant, glad she is happy about it, must be a little less to worry about for you! Glad to see you back on here too, we NEED your wisdom!

TimeForMeAndDD · 29/10/2012 08:37
Grin

And thank you!

OhWesternWind · 29/10/2012 08:58

Well, I've been reading over the weekend but not posting as there's something wrong with my phone. So much happening so quickly . . .

Watch - I'm so sorry he's not what you need. Tbh, in my past incarnation I would have put up with crap sex but not any more. It is a hugely important part of a couple relationship and if it's not there, it's not right. It should NOT be hard work at this stage and trying to have to co-erce someone into bed with you is soul-destroying. I spent years doing this with horrible ex and it nearly finished me off confidence-wise. So, although it's harsh in a way, better to move on now if the spark's not there. Far too half-hearted.

And the rest of you - whoo hoo!! Sponge is go!!! Looks like things might be looking up a bit . . .

Bantam - made up your mind yet with all these women you've got on the go? I do like the sound of the nurse (but I am a bit off South Effricans at the moment, having a not-very-nice neighbour from there).

Madame - sounds like things are going really well.

Snape - chin up, love.

Hello to everyone else and it's lovely to hear how things are going for you all.

Have another date arranged for Thursday - I'd decided I wasn't going to ask him this time, see how keen he was, as I had been feeling I was pushing things on a bit more than him, but he asked me for dinner with no hinting or anything, so I'm feeling that that's good. He had a difficult family event over the weekend so I'm hoping now that's over, he might be feeling a bit better about life generally. It's all looking good anyway (although i suspect the children have told my mum as she keeps giving me funny looks . . .)

Pixiebelle123 · 29/10/2012 09:04

Watch - sorry to hear things have gone down the pan with pirate, well done for trusting your instincts and doing what's right for you.

I was very brave last night, I rang my fwb and told him I want a relationship, not just sex. He didn't completely freak out which is good! He is going to think about it this week and then he's coming to visit me on Sat morning to talk about it. I'm slightly terrified. He has openly told me he's spooked by me having children so I don't think this is going to be a happy ending for me. Big sigh! It just seems that all the attractive men in their early 30s will not date a woman with children.

OhWesternWind · 29/10/2012 09:13

Well done, Pixie. Even though it's hard, it's better to be honest about what you want and what is/isn't working. I find this very very difficult but it's something I am trying hard with and seems to be going okay so far . . . The thing about your children is a bit worrying, though. "Spooked"???? For goodness sake!

lubeybooby · 29/10/2012 09:23

I don't think I've ever spooked anyone with the fact that I have DD. But I'm quick to reassure that she has a father, thank you very much, who is involved in her life and I'm not looking for any replacement.

I suppose I'm not far off the odd situation of actually not having a child. I'll have an adult. Who most likely won't be living here Confused god that's a weird thought!

dippyeggs · 29/10/2012 09:39

Jumping in if that's ok..

Watch, 6 dates in I agree that you'd want to make sure there was a tick in the physical box or at least the certainty and thrill of the tension built by waiting as a mutually agreed decision...

The physical side is crucial for me and I would hope I'd say exactly the same as you have, and walk away.. I do have to say I admire your strength though, it isn't easy.

However, 1 phone call - with him clearly now against the ropes - might me sensible.. What have you to lose if you've already decided and started that emotional detachment?

As Bantam says the other way round we would all be saying it was fine to wait (if explained I think...) maybe this is the explanation? Worth a try?

dippyeggs · 29/10/2012 09:41

sorry if that post was out of sync, missed the last page of posts omg this thread moves fast!

snapespeare · 29/10/2012 10:06

MEGA POST ALERT!

I've gone a bit ?woo? and just raced through a free tarot programme ? I can be a bit woo on occasion (my dad was a Romany gypsy, while I don?t necessarily believe in the tarot, I like the guidance and meditative qualities ? anyway this struck me so I thought I?d share (apologies for woo-ness) apologies it?s terribly long, even with a bit of an edit. Bear with me. This is a classic celtic cross to give a bit of perspective to a current situation.

The card at the centre of the cross, represents the atmosphere surrounding the central issue. Hierophant Faith in tradition and the old school. A justified and ancient source of power. Being supportive, sympathetic and loyal. Receiving instructions, learning, guidance or inspiration. -?from mumsnet--

The card visible at the centre of the cross represents the obstacle that stands in your way - it may even be something that sounds good but is not actually to your benefit (!) 7 of Swords (Futility): An opportunity to withdraw from a hopeless situation and fight another day (!). Disengagement from a struggle you should never have been involved in. A desperate attempt to resolve a matter without conflict.

The card at the top of the cross represents your goal, or the best you can achieve without a dramatic change of priorities. Strength - Raw power. A surge of tremendous force. Recovery from ?sickness?. The ability to face and overcome opposition brings the inner qualities of strength and forbearance.

The card at the bottom of the cross represents the foundation on which the situation is based. Death: A major change or transformation, possibly traumatic and unexpected. Freedom from the shackles of the past. A new beginning.

The card at the left of the cross represents a passing influence or something to be released. 3 of Wands (Virtue): Personal fortitude and strength of character. The initiation of an enduring partnership based on absolute trust. Honour maintained in a time of desperate struggle. Taking full responsibility for a decision, and bearing the solitude of leadership.

The card at the right of the cross represents an approaching influence or something to be embraced. The Tower - Unforeseen catastrophe. An abrupt change, perhaps leading to a new lifestyle and enlightenment. May indicate a broken relationship, divorce.

The card at the base of the staff represents your role or attitude. Knight of Wands The essence of fire, such a great conflagration. One filled with vitality and passion for life. A sexy and exciting person, daring in their actions, cocky in their attitude, and utterly without fear. Absolute sincerity, coupled with violent emotions that swing wildly from one extreme to another. Boundless creativity and lust for a change of both pace and place. The rapid approach, or more likely departure, of something that sets your world ablaze. (!)

The card second from the bottom of the staff represents your environment and the people you are interacting with. Moon: Cyclic transformation covering the mysterious forces of the night. Feminine beauty and the intoxicating vitality of youth. The metamorphosis from beauty to beast and vice versa. Occult forces, sensitivities and intense dreams. Dangerous situations and perilous times.

The card second from the top of the staff represents your hopes, fears, or an unexpected element that will come into play. Ten of Cups (Satiety): Fulfillment and joy in life and love. Feeling peace, tranquility, and contentment in friends and family. Taking delight in one's good fortune.

The card at the top of the staff represents the ultimate outcome should you continue on this course. 8 of Cups (Indolence): Losing interest in a matter deeply important to you. Being forced to abandon something in which you had invested great love and devotion. Seeking earthly, physical pleasures, to the exclusion of spiritual growth and emotional fulfillment.

I am going to be even more amazing than I dared to think I was. Cheers Voldemort!

HellonHeels · 29/10/2012 10:27

Gosh Snape I love a bit of woo. This sounds highly promising and extremely relevant to current situation.

Side track moment...have you read The Night Circus? It's woo-ish and has some tarot. I liked it a lot.