Hat wars and soup-er dates, let the sausage see the roll... The Online Dating Thread reaches 25!

[Yogagirl17]

Erm...hope nobody minds?

watch jesus he is frustrating me now, you must be going mad!

Does he just have a low sex drive? I went out with someone like that. Took him months to make a move on me. In my guy's case he'd spent years shagging for hours at a time on E, when he stopped drinking and doing drugs he lost most of his libido, so rarely felt the urge and he was crap in bed as well.

I'd be concerned that this isn't just a slow burn, this is how he is, and sex isn't much of a deal to him. Unless you want to be going months without sex in future I think this might be it.

Watch. It does sound strange.
A few years ago I went out with a man who was a bit like that. He was dynamic, intelligent, attractive and had a good job. But the whole thing never got going. It was so frustrating. Then we did have sex and it wasnt good. Good as friends. Nothing else. In fact it's happened twice..and the other one was a teacher.
At this stage it's usually all about the sex.
Chalk it up.

watch if you want sex to be part of your relationship he is not the man for you, he doesn't seem to want to get physical, most men don't need much encouragement.

Sorry, seemed promising too.

Im hurt and fucked off to be honest.
And wondering what the hell is going on!

Essentially its not my problem. Ill have to dump him.

But for fucks sake.
:(

he said as he left ' oh well, we didnt do very well with our kissing, did we, but it was nice to just sit and chat'

What's all that about? He's not learning the piano! Oh I didn't do well with the Brahms piece but the chords were nice.....!!

Scatty, he is exactly those things.... all of them. As a friend, great.

There was a Spark. Its now firmly gone out due to lack of action. Its been nearly a month. 6 dates.

I cant and shouldnt have to be making all the moves. I did last night. But come on... you know.

Not being one to keep quiet ive text him saying i am wondering when hes going tojump me.

If thats too forward for him hes not the one for me.

Scatty - i know!!!! BIT upsetting actually. Like its some kind of chore or something.

Anyway. Ive said it feels like there is a spark lacking.

Bollocks to this. I am not a nun.

watch I think he may have an issue. To be honest, and I'm aware that I'm a bloke posting in a women-predominant forum, when you were just posting about your previous dates with him, I would have jumped you. He sounds like he has issues.

I'm normally very aware of overstepping boundaries and stuff, don't want to come on overly strong, but when the signs are posted like you've been doing (BIG SHOUTING POSTERS SAYING PUT YOUR HANDS HERE NOW) and he's not responding, just cuddling cos it's nice, I think he may have a low libido. Doesn't make him a bad person, just different

Has he replied to the text yet?

I suspect he might apologise, say he'll do more next time etc, but this is v definitely a situation where actions speak louder than words.

Oh i see. Help? I am Shit at stuff like that. We seem to get on so well, i am trying to get to know u. Its true perhaps that absolute chemistry has not ignited yet? But in the past i have regretted being either to fast and then getting tied 2 quick. Or too slow. I dont want to hurt anyone. Does that sound Shit...? Maybe we can be great together. Maybe i am holding back. God i just dont know..what does your instinct say?

Thats what hes just text.
Ive replied with' if you dont know already id say thats probably not great. Thanks for a few fun weeks. Bye'

And another one bites the dust. Budge up on the sofa :(

Omg watch. That sounds like such hard work. He seems to struggle with his decision making. Do I jump watch, or don't I?....maybe I should...maybe I shouldn't...I did once and I regretted it...I'll take it slow...maybe..

He has missed his boat.
Bored so doing the IE experiement.
Sponge, have you a date lined up? What are you doing with the one who is keen on you?
You ok Snape?

Fuck. Sorry, poor choice of words. That sucks watch, it's hard enough finding someone you like and can talk to.

watch I wouldn't like that either!! Maybe he's not confident or maybe he has a low sex drive! Either way it's not fair on you!

Well update from me, last night I met all of mr workaholics friends! Today he met my dd as a friend! He seems really different towards me right now and it seems more like a relationship!

He has a much lower sex drive then me! Twice this week we met up and had sex once each time! I don't feel desperate for sex after but I would just like more! He knows I have a high sex drive! It's clear that he really fancies me so how can I make him want more action?

Oh watch that is frustrating. Don't take it personally though just sounds like he maybe has a low libido thing.

I could have had so many relationships if it wasn't for sex issues. The ones I like that tick all my personality boxes either don't like me... or they adore me BUT there's always a but, and it's always sexual - like mismatched libido, erectile dysfunction or just massively selfish and not willing to try/learn etc. And sex is very important to me so it becomes a dealbreaker, always with a heavy heart and after some perseverance, but still a dealbreaker.

It's a huge part of why I've stuck with BC through our couple of wobbles. He is complete sexual perfection for me as well as the other many great box ticking things. And that's just so rare to find.

So anyway I get the frustration factor.

Yep.
Hes text to say he wants to call to explain.

Ive told him there is no need.
Hes asked if i yhink a relationship can grow from friendship and an ember. Or do i need clothes ripped off chemistry.

I told him id like to say the first, its probably more sensible. But that im not always a sensible girl.snd its the latter.

Tbh, 6 dates in is hardly rushing it. Hes 37 not 17.
We are clearly not a match and he has weird sex issues.

True lubey.
Im just not the sort of girl thats going to sacrifice sex for the other things. Im not desperate...

I feel he must have issues. And it would be awkward, unfulfilling sex anyway.

:(

You shouldn't be having to work so hard to fan the embers at this stage, and I'm not sure how he thinks that could get better. It's one thing to have to work to get a bit of passion back into a relationship you've been in for a long time but you're not an old married couple, after 6 dates and lots of groping you should be having to throw a bucket of cold water on him. I'm sorry watch, that's more than just frustration, sounds like it's really over then.

Watch, I agree with Yoga, its a shame as you clearly got on well. But on the other hand, you're not putting up with anything less than you deserve, which is really good.

Scatty, I have a date on Weds with PoshBoyName. I have to try and get rid of yesterdays coffee date, who has asked to see me again.

I also now have another date, probably next Sat. However he is a policeman and therefore almost guaranteed to be married, or a serial shagger. Or both. But he has been v polite and nice so far, so we'll see...

Is he on anti depressants?

I'm kind of ok, off to work early. Check in later.

And watch. I'm really sorry. I do think you should talk to him rather than end it by text though.

He sent a later text about how hes happy hes met someone lovely and attrqctive who he gets on so well with and was hoping to build on that and asks if we can talk in the week.

To me that reads : you are nice but i dont fancy you and was hoping i might at some point in the future.

Or am i reading that wrong?

Then he says hes fucked off his body didnt over rule his head and just jump me.
Again, this reads to me like he has activley been thinking not to.

Thats fucked up, isnt it?

I didnt reply . Too much hard work too early on.

I dont think so snape.
I might talk to him on the phone ( am away this week) but i feel, as a woman, having to say ' why havent you fucked me' a bit shit really.

From my side im turned off and not interested now.

Glad you are ok ish

Morning

I was thinking about this from a blokes point of view. He deserves a phone call if you're going to call things off. Yes he may have a lower libido, intimacy problems (although it doesn't sound that way with all the cuddling etc) or he may be secretly worried that his arse is unattractive. Being a bit backwards in coming forwards, though, isn't a hanging offence. Talk to him, tell him you're concerned about whether you're on different levels, whatever.

I know if I saw posts on here from a woman who'd been on 5 or 6 dates with a guy who dumped her because she wasn't comfortable having sex yet, he'd be seen as an arsehole. Everything else about him seems so nice it would be good to understand if there's something causing it. He could be fantastic in bed once he's comfortable ripping your clothes off. Give him the same benefit of the doubt you'd expect from a man.

Bant. Do appreciate what you are saying.
Its not so much that im dumping him for not having sex with me, so much that i think we will be terribly mis matched sexually.
Ive thought that since date 3 and his actions just go further to confirm that than prove me wrong.

Last night was literally like a friend popping over. He sat on the opposite sofa and didnt touch me once. No flirting, nothing.

I made all the moves last night am galled if im going to have to keep doing it.

There just doesnt seem to be any sexual interest there. And thats fine but not for me.