Hat wars and soup-er dates, let the sausage see the roll... The Online Dating Thread reaches 25!

[Yogagirl17]

Erm...hope nobody minds?

Ew don't like zombies. Recently watched the entire 2 series of the US version of The Killing though which I thought was great (the joys of being unemployed - and it beats daytime telly!).

Snape At the moment you're only fighting habit and familiarity. Nothing of substance, cos all the substance came from you. So keep on keeping on Lady, you're doing fine.

Watch oooh it's not looking good. Reminds me of someone I spent eight fucking years with being frustrated. He wasn't gay, he wasn't seeing someone else...he used to come out with lame shit like "Sex is for procreation" and "I've got a full bladder" He defo had ishoos. I really really hope Pirate is just a bit shy and a complete tiger when he gets going.

Well that was fun apart from not being able to snog him senseless All the DC's got on well and were clamouring to go to each other's houses by the end. DP was even more attractive in father mode.

He may return when DD is in bed

madameO. That sounds lovely! It took me 18 months (!) for my not-the-kids-dad-ex to meet my DCs (clearly I am extmely over-protective...) I think it's great all your DCs got on so quickly. :)

All the substance did come from me. I like the capacity to give and let down my considerable armour, it was just misdirected. That's fine.

The key to keeping up with this thread is to log on at least twice a day and catch up on all the happenings/comments. This is the first time I am not pages and pages behind current events [hgrin]

Don't think I am ready for an attempt at a 'proper' relationship yet, but am encouraged by the success and positive happenings on here.

At the moment I am just getting to grips with having fun (=sex [hwink]) and the changes in the dating world since I last was available (1993[hshock])

But when I get to the LTR stage I will glean all the advice I can from you women (and men) on here.

WFF x

MadameO how lovely :) I think you can tell a lot about a man by how they behave with their own DCs...I saw a bloke and (I assume) his 3 DDs in Morrisons today, not bad looking but was being really lovely and natural with these 3 little girls, which made him MUCH more attractive. If I'd looked less like I'd been dragged through a hedge backwards I might've tried to catch his eye...

Re Walking Dead, every time I see it I always think 'Ooh look it's Egg from This Life'

Snape well done on the deleting, and the list :)

I am going to go on the date on Weds. though I need to get over the name first (it's a proper posh boy name and brings back memories of uni) as it makes me feel slightly murderous. He does seem ever so nice though, and has good manners. He's a couple of years younger than me, lives really nearby. Am going to look at it purely as an evening in some nice company, if I don't fancy him, it's still a night out. We'll see...

I will never be ready for a 'proper' relationship..having some fun with improper relationships though:o
Seriously warmfuzzynot everyone on here has LTR as their goal [hwink]

I know mercury [hgrin] I am just marvelling at how cozy it all sounds. I might never be ready either, I have met (and slept with) some really lovely men.

But as long as we are happy and getting what we want out of life eh?

Oh sponge. I hope it goes well with Tristram/Sebastian. :-)

I've revised voldemorts ten point list and taken out the things I feel might be slightly unfair. It now numbers 17. . To be fair I might try to revise the things I love about him list, but I'm frankly not in the mood.

Why on earth has he not given back the notebook? I still periodically check the letter box for it... DDs friend left to get the bus today, forgot her charger and buzzed our door... I thought it was him he's a coward, he wouldn't ring and all I could think was I haven't had a wash, saggy pyjamas, look like I've been dragged through a hedge. look like I'm suffering...

Bloody hell...just logged on to see if nice man from last night was around for a chat,to find he has deleted his profile!! What to make of that?

I have his mobile number and sent a text saying Hi,was just going to send you a message but couldn't find you.. I hope it wasn't something I said !"

Can do no more than that...I do have his email,but don't want to be a stalker...feels a bit strange after the long chat we had last night....

We were emailing last night after his phone ran out of charge and he was not going to be able to charge it until later today,he said....

This is such a great thread, am so naive when it comes to dating! Thanks Western for sharing the link :D

I have read as much as I can while the kids bounce around. (DD just in bed having got up at 330am this morning... seriously.... ) and you guys sound really great! I can learn a lot and hopefully add something too!

Anyway, I wondered whether I could just jump straight in for some thoughts.. hope that's ok..

Met a lovely chap online 4 weeks ago, we have met 5 times and really hit it off on all levels, as much as possible in the early days anyway... We saw each other 5 times in 2 weeks, having spent a week first talking by text, and due to my schedule haven't seen each other this week and are due to see each other again on Thursday, so a 2 week gap. Things seem to have cooled down a lot... Initially he was overkeen and I had to ask him to slow down.. typical!!

Confession - I am prone to anxiety. We communicate by text mainly so the usual crap interpretation issues, but it has gone from constant contact to 2-3 a day. Fine as more real and manageable, but just want to make sure I get it right...

He is a widower. Lost his wife to cancer 8 months ago after a 6 year battle so its very soon for him. 2 teenage dd. I am 8 months into separation from a 20 year relationship, so very soon for me too. I sort of think we both think we are ready but maybe we aren't... He was adamant he was but has admitted to a wobble this week and I have every compassion and understanding for that.

Anyway, the repeated question I know.. but... we are due to talk this evening, phone calls very rare as I say, I just suggested it as want to plan our date + talk properly - so.... I just went online to, I admit it, spy and check, and saw he was online in the last 24 hours.... Do I ask him about that? Is 5 dates and some fairly involved physical activity + a real connection, sharing of inner thoughts dreams, music taste, the works, and lots of mutual 'like' enough to expect him to do what I've done i.e. remove my profile and pics from the site?

Probably not, I am just so dreadful at glass half full ism and forcing square pegs into round holes (did that for 20 years ifyswim) that I launch myself at this stuff whole heartedly.... and will get very hurt :((

Some sanity and experience would be enormously appreciated from those more experienced online daters....

No. You haven't discussed removing profiles, that's fine that you've removed yours, but you cannot have any expectations as to what he may or may not do.

When are you due to speak this evening? You both sound like you're wobbling... For his bereavement and your relationship ending...it isn't a very long time. You both sound a little reboundy.

I know this is what we always say, but talk to him. Ask him where he sees things going take that with a pinch of salt. What do you want, honey?

dippyeggs, I've had a similar situation in the past, and it's really awkward to know how to deal with, isn't it?

When you say he'd been online, I assume you mean on the dating site you met on? If so, firstly, it's possible he was doing the same as you - checking to see if you'd been on the site. Or some people like to log in if they've got messages just to say "thanks but no thanks" if you see what I mean (I used to do this as I felt rude not replying to people). On the other hand, of course, he could be meeting other people, or intending to.

It's hard to know when things become exclusive. Personally if I'd had 5 dates, a real connection and some fairly involved physical activity, I wouldn't be looking at seeing anyone else. But I know not everyone will agree with that - some will say that you aren't "exclusive" until you've had the chat.

As to whether you mention it - I don't know! I found it a really awkward subject to bring up. I think perhaps it will eat away at you if you don't mention it (if you're anything like me). Maybe you could see how your phone call goes tonight (you may get vibes as to how he feels about things) and bring it up if it feels like the right thing to do? Or if not perhaps approach the subject on Thursday. Sorry, probably not much help ... as I say, I've struggled with this one myself!

Gettingit - Have a breather from this just now (easier said than done I know!) You have done all you can. I know it is really tough when you feel any sort of a connection with someone but as I said, you don't know until you know, IYSWIM.
Time to go pamper yourself, breathe deeply and know that if you are no longer in contact, then he is simply making way for a better one.

Dippyeggs - by date 5 I was definitely exclusive, but we were both free to move on. As Snape says, it does seem a little reboundy, but only you will know for sure.

gettingit - it sounds very odd to me. I agree with MadameO, there's nothing you can do. Someone having a long chat with you on an OD site, not being able to talk because he hadn't got a charger, then deleting his profile - it sounds to me like he may be married..

that's the first thing that comes to mind anyway. Hopefully I'm wrong but if it were to happen to me I'd get suspicious for a short while, then move on to the next one.. Got to sort through a lot of chaff, all that glitters, etc etc

Oh thanks ladies. Snape that makes a lot of sense re not having discussed it.. He could be logging to be polite however I mentioned a while ago that I was going to remove mine (hate men looking at my photo's you know?) and he said I could turn off the notifications.... hmmn. I am definitely exclusive after 5 dates and how close we became. To start with he wouldn't have had time to see anyone else but as I say it has definitely cooled... He's been ill for a week, away on business and texts me to say night night and good morning - just can't work out why he has been online - maybe as you say to see if I have!!

I am really keen to move on. Was seeing someone else and that went hideously wrong :( my marriage was dead a long time although I couldn't see it, couldn't face not having it ifyswim.. anyway..

My new man, he is lovely, said the other day, that he was working out the difference (in a good way) between needing something and wanting it - made so much sense that, and is so right.. but also that whole conversation of which that was part made me realise how early days it is for him (and me too I know I know... am still 'lost' in many ways, god divorce and separation is truly hideous :()

Anyway, I will try and just keep it fun and not do the needy thing! I am not needy, am ok on my own, just would rather not be!

Hi Dippy just wanted to say welcome as others have already given some good advice.

Update from Tesco - definitely more men with their own teeth and the potential to string a sentence together on a Sunday even than a weekday morning - no surprise there. Avoided the ones who were filling their baskets with pot noodles. Kept bumping into one lovely man with a very cute little girl - couldn't help but exchange a few words as she kept running in front of my trolley - but wedding ring so nevermind. And made eye contact with another very nice looking man but he was in a hurry, no basket even. Who knows, maybe next week... [hgrin]

So.. spoke to him... didn't mention the seeing he had been online thing it wasn't that sort of conversation..

He seemed keen and had thought of stuff to do. He wants me to go to his, walk into town have coffee/lunch/cinema..

New problem/worry; he seems to think that me casually meeting his daughters, if they are in, without it being an official 'meet' is ok. They are in their teens, and have obviously had a very tough year. He said he had thought it through properly and was ok with it. They know he has met someone and want Dad to be happy... they also know we met online too, he is very open and seemingly honest... I trust him :) but I worry, it is all so hard for them..

I made it clear that I wasn't keen to rush anything and that we had to do the right thing at the right time, for everyone and that if he changed his mind, even at the last minute we could change plans... He promised he would say. He is generally ok you see, but this week the grief hit out of nowhere - as it would and that made me realise that although he wants to be ready you can't rush this stuff...

The online thing niggles. Will have to mention on Thurs I think! Just thought - the going to his thing is quite reassuring on that front isn't it? He couldn't bring more than one 'lady' home... Phew. Writing things down helps!!

Thanks again. Will keep reading, this is a hard thread to keep up with!!

Thanks Yoga, love your tesco anecdote, maybe online shopping has its drawbacks hehehe

Yoga I think I'm being too nice, too. In exactly two weeks when this whole joint working thing is done, I think I can be more rude. I am planning my responses with some relish.

I may have just asked the other man I've been messaging if he'd like to go for a coffee sometime. We've exchanged a few messages now, and i just had a moment of thinking...oh why not. Have never asked anyone out in my life before, never been bold enough. Oh my word. Reckon he'll disappear in terror now?

dippyegg - re casually meeting his daughters - my eldest girls are teens and I think this is how things would work with them ,too - if I ever got to the stage you are at! My girls are so busy with their own new experiences,and are keen for me to be happy and find someone. They are also realistic about dating,so would be happier for me to have 'good friends' that may or may not work out long term..they would be happier with this than with a big,formal intro...which,to them would suggest big decisions...too early for that!

My younger ones would not be able to go with that...they would be fascinated to meet any new people and would leap all over them and ask questions...as they do with all friends who visit...so i could not have "special visitors" if they were around!

Gettingitright thanks - that is exactly what he has said, that they want him to be happy, and that they are so wrapped up in themselves hey won't have over thought it... Mine are a lot younger dd3 and ds5 and there is not way they could meet 'someone' and understand more than jumping on them and expecting to be entertained too!

Very reassuring have prob made mountain out of molehill, just want to do it right....... Did text him after we spoke saying that - that I was ok with whatever call he made. Such big decisions... Thanks again

FFS

no sex. not even a snog tonight.
just a kiss on the lips as hes just left.

I give up - and am bored.

he said as he left ' oh well, we didnt do very well with our kissing, did we, but it was nice to just sit and chat'

i just ' hmmm -ed'

he said he will take me out when i get back, that we need to spend more time together....

despite my best efforts to flirt and lean in, hair flicking etc, he just was nattering away like i was his best mate.

I shall have to dump him. Theres clearly no spark - is there?

i mean, what on earth can be wrong with him, its not right, is it?

Oh watch, that's not the outcome I know you were hoping for. What are you going to do?