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My husband is a total twunt, isn't he????

239 replies

wandymum · 16/10/2012 22:21

This evening I was supposed to be going out for drinks with the mums from DS's prep-school.

Weeks ago, I sent DH an e-mail asking if he could come home early (for him - about 8pm) so I could go. He replied yes. I wrote it on the calendar (over which we have had many 'Outnubered' style rows in the past).

Today we have had both sets of grandparents here for lunch plus builders starting work and two under 5s to chase around. I forgot to remind him this morning, but left a voicemail and a message with his secretary asking him to call me. I sent a text to his mobile and left a voicemail on it - we were in the car on speaker so kids heard his answerphone kick in too (bizarre detail now but will become relevant).

He didn't turn up. I sent a text saying understand you have a lot on and have forgotten, don't worry have cancelled (had arranged lifts etc... so all slightly awkward but these things happen).

He arrived a couple of hours later in a grump because I hadn't cooked. Very grumpy.

I complained this was unfair given that I hadn't even expected to be in (was actually pretty polite considering). He said I had never told him about my plans.

Showed him my e-mail and his response, calendar and texts.

He says I verbally told him I didn't want to go and that I have the wrong mobile number for him so he never got the messages. I really don't believe I can do because when we called from the car his voice was on the answerphone. DS is 4 so will be able to confirm tomorrow. He doens't deny I left a voicemail on his work phone but says as I didn't say it was urgent, I shouldn't have expected a response.

He is a total arse isn't he?

If not then I must be insane and, despite some close calls in the past few years, I'm pretty sure I am not.

What do I do?

It really wouldn't be a big issue if he'd just say sorry I f**ked up but am freaked out by his insistance it is my fault.

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wandymum · 16/10/2012 22:55

Thanks ladies, especially for the gaslighting explanation. That is totally it.

Yes, I e-mailed him about it weeks ago but yes I phoned 3 times and texted twice today. Ok, he may be mega busyt keeping us in the style to which we've become accustomed and so unable to answer his messages at work (although really? Priorities?) but I texted his mobile and called it. It went to a voicemail with his voice.

I gave him my mobile to prove this. After 10 mins alone with it he came back waving it at me shouting I had the wrong number. But his bloody voice answered. I'm sure if I ask DS to confirm he will. He was in the car, it was on speaker. But he is 4 - I shouldn't and won't put him in that position. DH knows that.

Glad it does appear that he is a dick rather than that I need immediate sectioning but where the fuck do I go from here?

I cannot think of a time since we have had the children that he has apologised to me. Including when I came home from an ERPC to find he'd been looking at 'shag your secretary porn' - which somehow turned out to be my fault because I'd caused him to feel so emotional he'd needed the release.

Oh Christ - he really is a total git isn't he?

Somehow up until today, I always thought I was somehow being unreasonable or so difficult (PND that carried on through the next pregnancy) that everything he did was justified.

Before we had children, I would not have had a bad word to say about him.

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