The kids winge and cry

[BurntToastSmell]

I have two very demanding young children. A toddler (2 years) and a baby (9 months). They winge all day long (I really mean: all. day. long). Aside from look after the kids on my own all day (7am till 6pm) I have to keep the house clean, make their food, make sure all the dishes are washed, make sure all the clothes are clean, take them to baby & toddler groups, AND run an online business. I'm at the end of my tether because of the constant winging all day long. My friend has suggested using an ipod and turning the volume up full so I can't hear their winging. Is this reasonable? I don't know how I would get all my chores done otherwise, but I feel terrible. I read that if you leave young children to winge/cry, you can lower their self esteem and make them more anxious (due to elevated levels of cortisol). I really hate leaving them to cry but I don't know what else I can do? I don't want to put them into daycare/nursery until they are 3.

Lost patience now. Poor does not mean less intelligent. You regard yourself as more intelligent than a nursery worker and think only poor kids do well at nursery. What a load of rubbish.

I know many nursery workers educated to degree level and beyond. My child's key Worker a qualified and experienced teacher.

You ha e taken none of the advice on here. Feel very sorry for your bored and ignored children but you seem beyond he due to your own prejudices and misconceptions.

Your life sounds awful but it won't change till you change your mindset.

Poor kids.

burnt just so you know i am not living in ivory sofa world. godammit.

hope you survive soft play. wish you could come round here for a cuppa.

And to be honest, it doesn't matter what IQ or education nursery workers have. What matters is that they are caring, warm and willing to provide fun and stimulation.

I don't expect the DSs to be educated at nursery and pre-school - I expect them to feel secure and happy and to have fun there.

I am highly professionally qualified with 2 masters degrees, one from Oxford. I am also pretty crap at entertaining small children. So when it comes to childcare, I'm the unqualified one and the nursery carers are the experts.

I really hate this whole "education is everything" idea people have too... sorry I'm ranting now...

Graduates are one of the highest groups for the unemployed right now. Maybe childcare isn't a bad thing to do ?? ... I mean the "poor uneducated peasants" (oh sorry did you say people ?!) will always need it. Sigh.

How much of a nap has baby had today?

Try a Montessori nursery for the toddler? At DD's all staff were degree educated, not that that was a factor in choosing it.

OP, I agree you are running the risk of alienating people who are trying to be very helpful by talking about people who work in childcare in such a way.

My CM has no academic qualifications at all, she is not originally from this country and English isn't even her first language. She is the most caring, fun, warm-hearted person I have met in a long time, all the children adore her, and I feel more confident with her looking after my child than most of my family, and she's a damn sight more fun and stimulating than I probably am!

And you may have a 'higher intellect' than nursery workers , but it's not doing your children much good if you're using it ranting at strangers on the internet about how unfair everything is.

Education matters, of course. But patience, kindness, positive attitude and fun are all important too, and you seem to have those in short supply at the moment.

I doubt spending a few hours in nursery will be any worse for them than being at home with an angry, stressed mother who seems to resent spending any time with them and just wants them to stop whinging.

+1.

Sorry you're having such a rough morning BurntToast :(

I hope you can reread this when you come back from softplay and realise that 99.9% of the posts here are coming from a position of kindness and wanting to help you navigate your way through a really hard situation.

I don't think you enjoy being at home with your children very much. And that is not better for them or for you than being in childcare. Like KFP, I'm a much better parent working at least some of the time because I actually enjoy the time I spend with my kid. If I were at home all the time, I would be bored, resentful and miserable. There's no shame in that (well I don't feel any and if other people think I'm wrong, fuck em), it's just the way I am. You cannot live your life around what Oliver James thinks - he, to my knowledge, has never been stuck in a tiny flat with two under-2s surrounded by damp washing.

OP the first thing you need to do is calm down.

You are ramping yourself up into a frenzy because you feel powerless. The situation seems over whelming and beyond help.

But think... you know full well you want to make changes because...ya know...you came here to ask for advice.

In fact, your current situation is terrible. You aint happy. Your DC aint happy. No one is winning...change is the only solution right?

So instead of dismissing every suggestion out of hand...natural reaction when your mind is in free fall...calm down and think - what do I want to achieve?

I want the baby to stop whinging.

Suggestions - he may need more sleep. Test it out. Put him to bed earlier. If the whinging decreases then bingo. If not try the next suggestion.

Just wanted to second what Dowagers said.

You cannot live your life around what Oliver James thinks - he, to my knowledge, has never been stuck in a tiny flat with two under-2s surrounded by damp washing.

YYY.

Please, everyone on this thread wants to help. And if one piece of advice didn't work out well, try another piece.

Completelty nelly.

Just keep tryig dofferent things.

The definition of stupid is doing the same things again and again, expecting a different result.

I have three degrees. My childminder doesn't have any A levels. I promise you if I tried to live exactly as you do my degrees would count for diddly fuck. I'd be in pieces and my children would be feral.

You do not need to be Mary Poppins to be a good mother. Bin those books. You seem to be fixated on them to the detriment of yourself and your family. Send the children to a CM a couple of mornings a week. Tidy up once per day, at the end of the day. Your baby sounds tired. Try to bring bedtime forward so you also get some time to yourself. And try not to alienate the people here who have taken to to reply, because I think you'll need them.

I havent read the book referred to. I also question hating your life based on trying to follow one book but hey ho.

However - are you sure that the book doesn't mean full time childcare? Im pretty sure two mornings a week isn't going to damage a child in any way (so sure in fact that I do it!).

I'm not sure how being educated even helps in looking after small children.

I don't recall my first or second degree being of any use when the twins wanted to play peepo...again.

I'm pretty sure the women at my nursery don't have first class honors degrees. I'm also pretty confident that they LOVE babies, I've never met a bunch of happier women - they spend all day looking after and playing with babies and they really seem to enjoy it. I love DS in a way I didn't know was possible, but I find the constant playing and chatting and interacting exhausting. Since you clearly seem to dislike it too, what is the harm in paying a professionally trained person to help you out? You don't need to be Mary Poppins all day FGS, but putting in earphones and ignoring them while you mumsnet is somehow better than nursery? Right you are then.

If you just want to complain and wallow in your misery, while not doing anything proactive about it, then fine. But I have very limited sympathy for that.

RE the painting - DS hates messy play. He screams blue murder at the sight of a tray of baked beans or paints. Some kids just don't like it.

I'm not sure if this has already been said but what struck me as a bit sad about the op's comments is that she takes as gospel reports she's read and books she's read, and not prepared to listen to her own heart and instincts about how to parent the kids

IMHO it is not possible to run a business from home with small kids around ( and I am saying that from personal experience). It's just not.

I also also believe that the kids would gain so much more from a half day with a cm or nursery than with a stressed mother making a concerted and conscious and conspicuous effort to ignore them. The thought of that makes me quite sad

Better for everyone to do the two things ( work and Childcare) well in two separate chunks rather than trying to do the two things together, badly

I won't comment on the money thing as I think that's been covered

And now I've just read the last few posts and see I'm saying the same as everyone else

You have some good advice in this thread. A lot of people have taken time out of your life to offer you help.

If you are not prepared to accept the advice and have started being offensive to some of us, I would question whether you are in right frame of mind at the moment to accept help.

Perhaps you should be a bit easier on yourself. Maybe see your GP. Once you feel more in control and able to make changes, I am sure these good Mumsnetters will be here for you once again to advise and help you.

The first step is to admit there is a problem and accept help.

Here op, have my first EVER , for that comment about nursery workers having less intellect than you.

My husband and I are educated to degree level and sent our first dc to nursery full time. We will be sending dc 2 too, once I get a job. My dd is intelligent, independent and happy. She can (and has since she was a baby) entertain herself without whining or whinging for me every 2 seconds like your delightful intellectually raised little sprogs.

Your high intellect isn't really making for a happy home for your children right now is it? They need to feel secure and happy. They need attention, and you're depriving them of this and resenting them for crying! You need to get off your high horse about child care. Your comments are really offensive and narrow minded. It's disgusting.

Am also inclined to agree with Fakebook

just a short note to say I want to come round there, give you a massive hug and take the kids off your hands for you for a while sweetheart.

You sound lovely and we all struggle sometimes.

I also want to boot your husband up the arse and tell him in no uncertain circumstances to take your children off your hands the minute he comes in the door and deal with them until bedtime for you at the moment so you can use the early evening to get a bit of work done if that's what you want to do.

But try to remember you have two healthy children that WILL eventually grow up

paint or do messy stuff of course.

*And you may have a 'higher intellect' than nursery workers , but it's not doing your children much good if you're using it ranting at strangers on the internet about how unfair everything is.

Education matters, of course. But patience, kindness, positive attitude and fun are all important too, and you seem to have those in short supply at the moment.

I doubt spending a few hours in nursery will be any worse for them than being at home with an angry, stressed mother who seems to resent spending any time with them and just wants them to stop whinging.*

Amen to that !!!

oh and clippedphoenix I dont think some of the comments she is now making are lovely at all !!

Nursery is for poor people !! I honestly cant believe I have read that !!