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Original poster

He's obsessed with sex...

416 replies

Littleblue · 10/10/2012 11:27

We have been dating six months , and they have largely been the happiest ever for me , except for his obsession with sex.... he takes it as rejection if I turn him down , and mostly manages to get over it.... but I turned him down last night , I was tired and stressed and not in the mood , (and his expectation is a huge turn off anyway)We were snuggled up , and he kept groping me which I was fending off but gently , to me it should be clear by then?! so he turns my face to his and insists on proper tongue snogging , which I had been evading... I HATE snogging if i'm not in the mood for sex.. I'm not frigid , when were both in the right mood the sex is incredible....he seems to think that because thats the case , we should ALWAYS be at it... so pissed off ,he turned his back on me last night, he's clearly sulking today...Angry

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Original poster
Littleblue · 14/10/2012 21:14

This threads really helped... thank you , sitting here thinking of all the bits that made me feel as valued as a piece of steak , or a blow up doll..... instead of grieving for the bits that I actually valued... xx

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Original poster
Littleblue · 15/10/2012 13:41

Hes picking his stuff up and dropping mine off shortly , feels like shit , but I can feel the peace of closure creeping in... after days and days of feeling like ive had my heart ripped out... just want the last bit put to bed so I can move on...

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schobe · 15/10/2012 14:02

Stay strong. If he wants to have a deep and meaningful discussion about it, tell him to write it all down in a letter so neither of you get carried away in the emotion of the moment.

Original poster
Littleblue · 15/10/2012 14:23

We arent even seeing each other to deal with it... all very arms length , the only way atm , thanks x

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cannotseeaway · 15/10/2012 20:04

How are you tonight littleblue?

Original poster
Littleblue · 15/10/2012 23:50

Scrolled back thru texts , skype.... which might sound like an emotional hypochondriac... but its so fucking clear , now...quite how obsessed with sex he was/is , and quite how little of the REST OF MY BLOODY LIFE he was interested in....I needed to look back with a less deluded head...so many messages were so bloody Benny Hill based its nauseating.... this man who rang me knowing I was at the end of my tether... actually ,well off the end... and bleated about the lack of sexy talk . Fucks sake , was I dating Jim Davidson???

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Anniegetyourgun · 15/10/2012 23:54

Nah, you can't have been, you'd have noticed if he was an ugly cunt with a very big mouth and a very small dick.

Original poster
Littleblue · 16/10/2012 00:09

LOL ... the sequin Blazer and mullet might have been a clue too.... Grin

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piratecat · 16/10/2012 07:59

lol littleblue, thats funny. x

Original poster
Littleblue · 17/10/2012 00:51

Had to laugh , the biggest hurt here was/is the extent of trust in lowering boundaries after five years of being careful.... theres a post going round on fb " If you open your heart to a man , he will probably try and stick his dick in there too" .... and another one , "there's a small part of me that wants all your love... I keep it in my pants"

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piratecat · 17/10/2012 09:42

i know. there's no shame in trusting someone, it shows strength to move on, we'd all live in caves on our own otherwise.

How are you doing today?

Original poster
Littleblue · 17/10/2012 11:00

Crap , but slightly less crap than yesterday I suppose.... going to gut my bedroom and primp it a bit , I've let things get messy and its not helping , the self pitys getting boring , driving myself mad now :)

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piratecat · 17/10/2012 11:35

it's good tho, feels great to 'do' your bedroom. i love getting into cosy clean bed and tidy room.

little steps blue.

Original poster
Littleblue · 17/10/2012 17:24

Little steps indeed... thanks Pirate xx

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Shaky · 17/10/2012 22:28

I have read all your thread and I'm sorry it's turned out like this.

The only practical advice I can give, is to be kind to yourself, take your time and allow yourself to grieve for the person you THOUGHT he was.

You are allowed to feel betrayed, angry and let down, because that is what has happened.

There is nothing as comforting as new linen on the bed.

In the morning, the only way to get going properly, is to get in the shower as soon a you wake up (otherwise you will put it off all day an before you know it it's been 4 days before you have had a wash I've never done this, oh no, not me

Shaky · 17/10/2012 22:32

Sorry, posted too soon.

I escaped an emotionally abusive relationship and NEARLY went back to it.

5 years later and I am happily settled with a lovely dp and almost 3 yr old ds.

There is light at the end of the tunnel, I wish you all the luck in the world Thanks

Original poster
Littleblue · 17/10/2012 23:11

Thank you , really wobbling and missing him tonight.... but like you say , I'm missing who I thought he was... and as other posters have pointed out , he wouldn't deliberately have hurt me as he did if it wasn't abuse.... you'd think I would know this , but if you have read all of it its obvious i have a skewed perception of abuse after living with someone further up the ladder for years.... even a very forgiving friend of mine , an incredibly open minded one asked me how far would he go..if he got truly pissed off and told himself sex was his right... the Justin Lee Collins link was an eye opener ... " I could learn loads from this man" .... really???? Don't let the door hit your arse on the way out.....

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piratecat · 18/10/2012 06:45

it's taking off those rose tinted specs, isn't it.

which you can only do when you take a leap of faith, and rely on your gut rather than what you were 'creating' a situation to be.

Like i said, it's fine to have trust, but if someone betrays that, and you find the strength to call them on it, then power to you lady.

just keep swimming! xx

Original poster
Littleblue · 18/10/2012 07:30

Indeed... as I said before , I recognise the freefall sensation of a mindfuck only too well... and as has also been said by another poster , the whiny entitled abuser can do more damage sometimes than the shouty furniture smashing ones , cos its more insidious... its like having fingers in your head , and hard to pin down... Im going into the city to indulge myself today Smile xx

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Shaky · 18/10/2012 07:53

The Justin lee Collins link was dreadful, that is a real, blatant threat. You have had a very lucky escape from this man.

I'm so sorry you have been abused before. However, your partner has used that to his advantage by making you think "well, at least he's not as bad as ex dp. At least he's never done x, y, z,."

It probably makes you justify his actions and make them seem almost acceptable even though you know they are not.

Men like this are a real danger, believe me, in time you I'll look back and think, thank god I saw sense and was strong enough to walk away. I promise that you are doing the right thing, although it is painful right now. Remember, you ARE strong and you CAN do this, he really doesn't deserve YOU. Try to plant in your brain that it is HIS loss, not yours. You can pick yourself up and carry on, he on the other hand will ALWAYS be an abusive twat.

There was a thread recently called, "red flags I should have heeded" (sorry I can't link on my iPad), I'm sure you would recognise some of the behaviours of your partner on there.

How are you this morning? Did you have a decent nights sleep? X

Original poster
Littleblue · 18/10/2012 16:01

I have read some of that thread, and will read more...thank you both , some of it gels so much its scary.... the subtler stuff , like him whingeing I wasn't grateful that he made sure my favourite wine was usually in the fridge at his house when I was due over... yes , that's thoughtful , but I always said thank you when given a glass... as one does , what in hell beyond that was I sposed to do...? say thank you by being a human sex toy clearly... I now see how much of his behaviour was geared around ensuring he got all the sex he wanted , and how nasty his petulant and entitled streak is.... This unpicked the scab left by living with severe DV , this is why I am finding it so hard , I see that now... still not sleeping well , no , I dream about it too...its like bloody PTSD with him all muddied up with overtly violent exe... I have an appt with a counsellor next week , will be a very long time before I will be willing or well enough to contemplate a relationship again...and I'm more than ok with that xx

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Original poster
Littleblue · 18/10/2012 16:39

Christ.... that thread should be made into a book and instilled into the national bloody curriculum... my EXE dp missed me so much when I was a way for nine days... apparently "watching porn wasn't the same" fucking hell.... and theres me thinking I was clear on abuse boundaries and reasonably intelligent with it... I am having such a massive surge of relief I'm out of it right now... with NO intention of getting caught again til I've had the predisposition to such men beaten out of me by a prolonged period of counselling !!!Angry

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Original poster
Littleblue · 18/10/2012 16:53

Omg... on that trip , he had an exe gf over for dinner and they got stoned , apparently he was "curious to see if he still felt anything , but shouldn't have told me as he was paying for it now..." all I did was go a bit quiet and suggest that if he missed me that much , I found it somewhat odd that he would roadtest how he felt about a "young slim thing wriggling about on his sofa" I am older than him , and a size 16) He took great pains to backpeddle and just say that he wanted to see if he could still be friends with her after her treatment of him... each passing day that I get further away from him , I see it ever more clearly.... holy cow...Confused

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Original poster
Littleblue · 18/10/2012 17:00

oh my , oh my , oh my... even in last convo , when I was in sodden tears and he was bleating about the allegedly lost "sexy talk , vibrators etc " ( we had had a full night of raunchy sex three days previously!!) he was having a go at me for the one time he turned over in the early hours and I was silently reading something on my ipad.... of course , that grated , cos if I was awake ,I should have been on top of/under him.... holy fuck did I do the right thing by calling him up on all of this.... oh my sweet lord , thanks for thread heads up... not that this one didnt show me the way , but all the stories by all those other women... bloody hell !!!

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