Condom found. What should my next move be - please help!

[wannabegood]

Hi
I was having a mass clear out yesterday and found a skins condom in my husbands underwear drawer. We have been married for 28 yrs and as far as I know he has never cheated. I calmly asked him last night where it has come from and he said he cant remember! He does have a big night out with the boys every Friday and does get in some states where he cant remember much, but it is always local and never town.
I have checked and apparently you can only get this brand through parties such as Ann Summers etc?
He says he can understand my anger as he would feel the same.
I have given him 24 hrs to come up with an answer but dont have a clue what to do after that? Any advice or comments really welcome please

[chipsandmushypeas]

He sounds like a manchild

[wannabegood]

Exactly chips he is, sadly I still love him but am wondering if my life would be better without him I see other couples and how they are and feel jealous, just tiny things they do for each other

[nannyof3]

U have gave him 24 hours to find an excuse..........

[wannabegood]

If he dont 'remember' tonight may sell his ping clubs and fly off to my daughter for a break :)

[SeveredEdMcDunnough]

From what you say, he takes you for granted quite badly, sees you as a possession and doesn't really care if you feel unhappy or upset.

What's to like

[panicnotanymore]

Yes wannabe, he did admit all, and we are now back together again and working on things. Even if it is an affair it doesn't necessarily mean the end, but it can only work if you both want the same things and neither feels backed into a corner. You have to both want to make it work for it to work.

Excuses are just excuses, I took him at his word that the lipstick on his collar was a random thing, just a mwah mwah goodbye at the end of a work social. Yeah right... I should have thrown him out there and then. Would have saved me weeks of wondering.

Go with your gut instinct.

[wannabegood]

yes severed you are spot on, if i cry which is rare he ignores me. My friend buried her husband of 5 weeks recently and i did the food for the wake and he complained that he had no clean socks when we came back. He said I put everyones needs before his!

[MadAboutHotChoc]

Has he always been selfish and cold? If not, can you remember the last time things were good and he wasn't like this?

[wannabegood]

To be honest about 6 years ago, dont get me wrong we have had some good times in between but its been about that long since things were how they should be all the time

[Donkeysdontridebicycles]

No clean socks how very dare you!

Upthread you said your kids used to say you were a doormat, doesn't sound like it's been a two way relationship for some while.

[wannabegood]

panicnot I thought his jumper smelled of perfume last week but he wears really strong stuff anyway so cant be sure. I didnt sniff it either that was from picking it up off the floor

[wannabegood]

you do make me smile donkeys :)

Its been one way for years but I keep thinking how it used to be and try to work at it.

I also think he is now jealous as I have started my own business and he always wanted to do that

[MadAboutHotChoc]

Can you remember what happened around then? New job? Promotion? New friends? If he is having an affair then that would probably be when they first met so you may want to try and remember if he mentioned a female colleague/friend.

[wannabegood]

Why did he own up in the end panicnot?

[wannabegood]

He lost his job and got thrown into a high powered position that he struggled with for years

[CuriousMama]

Blimey what's to like here? Am so very sorry for you finding this out.

You sound as if you'd cope very well alone and you'd have less to do. And for your information women go for younger models too you know, especially independent women who are well groomed

Just thought I'd say.

[MadAboutHotChoc]

Why is he struggling with his job? Is he really not doing well?

Sorry about all these questions but sometimes work stress is used as a cover for an affair.

Also sometimes difficulties at work leads to the person self medicating by having an affair as a way of boosting his/her ego....

[wannabegood]

Haha dont tempt me honey would be nice to feel loved

[MadAboutHotChoc]

Just had another thought - have you checked bank statements/credit cards? Also check mobile bills?

[wannabegood]

His earnings have dropped by 40k in the last year but he doesnt seem stressed when he is around his silly immature mates

[wannabegood]

I look after the finances as times are tough so it saves him the worry

[MadAboutHotChoc]

Are his mates the kind to fool around with other women, visit lapdancing clubs etc?

[CuriousMama]

Well my mum's 82 and her fella's 55!

[wannabegood]

Oh god yes they are terrible and dont give a shit about their women

[wannabegood]

Always very respectful towards me though and actually really nice to me, ridicule him though :)