He's just been to a nude lap dancing bar :(

[RunnyBum]

H just back from nude lap dancing bar, he has been on stag dos before and he knows I hate it. I'm gutted, he says I should forget this one "mistake" as he (allegedly) didn't has a private dance as he knows I would hate that. He claims he was just curious (inspite having been before and knowing all about it!!) Being in front of a naked woman that isnt me, for kicks just feels like cheating on some level. Oh and he wasn't on a stag tonight just out with a friend.

Found out as I Where's My Iphone'd him as he was meant to just be in our town, and I thought he'd be heading home.

We're meant to be going away on a romantic break in a few weeks, but a the minute I don't want him near me :(

How would u deal with this?

Offred,

I doubt we will agree but I think anyone should choose their partner on whatever basis they wish. If they only want a partner who loves horses, fair enough. What I am saying is that, once married, they have made that decision and to reverse it, being expensive emotionally and financially, should require something pretty major. IMO (and it has no more value than anyone elses) I do not see this as pretty major and I have expressed why I take the perspective that I do.

The OP will, doubtless, weigh my perspective against everyone else's here and then come to her own decision.

Larry depends what's wrong with it.

Yeah, but you don't know in advance and the call out charge alone is probably 0ver 10% of a new machine.

Guff larry, you've not written that if that's what you meant.

It can also get you banned where you make personal assumptions about people and post them.

Oh Happy, are you worried love?

Here was me thinking the Op was "off to the divorce courts" because of a load of controlling women telling her what she should do.

OP will make her own decision, then. That's what I thought. Except she has disappeared because people are arguing among themselves (again)

I am worried about my washing machine.

I don't think it is what you meant either. I would suggest you might have to read an understand my posts before you can disagree with them. You have consistently failed to read or understand them instead seeming to have an inner narrative of "this is what feminists always say" which has closed your mind. I do no have a feminist perspective on lapdancing clubs. I am not a feminist, I'm a humanist and by the very nature of this I am not more interested in women's issues.

I think probably Larry could fix it for you. He's an expert on just about everything...

Sorry, I meant to say absolutely everything.

I am a feminist and I became one because of the lap dancing club issue! When my ex went to one and was a complete bastard about it, I read up about them and my eyes were opened to the sense of male entitlement that there still is with things like this.

Men would hate it if it was the other way round yet women just have to suck it up.

I don't see lapdancing clubs as a women's issue btw.

shirsten, that's just it

women don't have to just suck it up

there is certainly a lot of societal pressure to do so, stuff like being called "not a proper wife and mother'n' shit" but it isn't compulsory to "suck it up"

Absolute guff laqueen, crappy stereotypes perpetuated by the sex industry of men "not being emotional" and women not being sexual. Plenty of men think they won't be bothered but are.

No, no

it's not the right analogy to ask "how would a man feel if you went to see a male stripper"

a better analogy is "put your wife, mother or daughter up on that stage and watch other men ogling them" is a better one

I was being tongue in cheek when I said about 'sucking it up'. Out of the group of women whose partners went, I was the only one who expressed their upset about it. Everyone else (including my mum - not because my dad went but because my brothers went too) said that it was "just what men do". So because they are men, they get to do whatever they like.

I didn't just suck it up, btw. I ditched him and got into feminist campaigning and met some brilliant women who are all on the same page as me.

I know shirsten, I was on your thread

I was taking your valid point and running with it

Washing machine is still under warranty, so you can all stop worrying about my electrical appliances

It's a complete deal breaker in my marriage and my husband would probably have to leave, I have a long memory and it would become the stick to beat him with in every argument which would ruin my marriage anyway. But this is very very clear, DH has no reason on earth to say he didn't know how I feel. I have campaigned against SEVs for around two years now!

Larry.... what if it were a dog fight and not a lap dancing bar? And why say my wife doesn't approve instead of "I don't..." or this is a deal breaker in my marriage.

Well remembered, HappyHalloween!

I can't even really bear to think about it all now. It was such a horrible time.

I have sat in licensing committee hearings at the council and the guys who run the places look like the mafia. I've seen one woman turn up out of maybe 15 applicants (5 applications with maybe 3 people representing each club) so it's pretty obvious who runs and controls the clubs. They're not pleasant people.

I happened by chance to know a washing machine repair man, and he came and fixed mine twice. Both times it was just the little brushes, total cost, about £15. He also told me most people don't know about them and if they get someone unscrupulous they will charge a lot more for made up stuff.

On another note, I also now a woman who designs washing machines (the glamour) and she told me the best way to use them, preserve them and to clean clothes is to use just one tablet per load, direct into the drum, because modern dertergent is so strong you don't need more and it doesn't rinse out properly.

Of course, shirsten, the sex industry is not really based on pretty, empowered women showing their breasts to entertain bored men, is it ?

Despite what most people want to believe

It's a fuckload more evil and dark than that