He's just been to a nude lap dancing bar :(

[RunnyBum]

H just back from nude lap dancing bar, he has been on stag dos before and he knows I hate it. I'm gutted, he says I should forget this one "mistake" as he (allegedly) didn't has a private dance as he knows I would hate that. He claims he was just curious (inspite having been before and knowing all about it!!) Being in front of a naked woman that isnt me, for kicks just feels like cheating on some level. Oh and he wasn't on a stag tonight just out with a friend.

Found out as I Where's My Iphone'd him as he was meant to just be in our town, and I thought he'd be heading home.

We're meant to be going away on a romantic break in a few weeks, but a the minute I don't want him near me :(

How would u deal with this?

larry is a user of sex trade establishments, it is quite clear

OP, never mind, all men do it, you are not a proper wife and mother if you don't forgive him for this and you must squash your own moral objections if you want a relationship with a man

ok ?

then ask him what it cost to watch other women stripping, and spend an equivalent on a spa day for yourself

or a handbag

or put it towards a boob job so you you can make yourself more like these women, and you husband will fancy you more

or summat

sorted

Not wanting someone to do something because you don't want them to do it = controlling/abusive

Not wanting someone to do something because you believe it to harm another person = reasonable

tell him to fuck off

Sorry,

Depends on whether the belief is rational and whether you also indulge in behaviours where the same amount of potential harm can be done.

Eat meat (I do)? Ever worried about how many slaughterworkmen or women are paid the minimum wage or how many are foreign and forced into that kind of work to feed their families at sub minimum wage? Doubt it. You may not think that is the moral equivalent of visting a lap dancing joint but many would and why are you so sure that you are right?

How kind of Larry to spend so much time dispensing his gems of wisdom to us girls.

The line between one partner being "disrespectful" or the other "controlling" is a fine one and it is not up to one parner to unilaterally define it.

So one partner's disrespect for the other has to be mutually agreed before it is valid?

Absurd waffle!

just wait 'til you see his pearls of wisdom on breastfeeding, olgaga

I don't know how we ever managed without him, I really don't

I'm not trying to say my personal bar should be of interest to you larry. I am saying you do no get to dictate how women generally should feel based on your views

Again I will say it, it is disrespectful to understand that your wife objects to you visiting lap dancing clubs and then to go to them secretly. It is not about having different views on them or objections to them trumping desire to use them where there is a disagreement. It is about the decision that your view is more important and so you are going to do what you like and what your wife doesn't know won't hurt her. A respectful adult would have given their wife the opportunity to make her own choice about the difference of opinion instead of seeing it as his right to make a unilateral decision about it.

Don't waste time with Lazzer.

He also thinks calling black people "chocolate face" is fine because "chocolate is nice."

Olgaga,

I am putting my perspective, as is every other poster on this board. You don't need to freight it with loaded terms such as "dispensing wisdom".

And, yes, it does. If one partner tells the other one that looking at someone of the other sex is disrespectful, are they from that point required to avert their eyes when they walk past someone of the opposite sex? Or how about if a man tells a woman not wearing a burqa is disrespectful? Fair? What is and is not disrespectful cannot be unilaterally decided in a relationship or are you going to continue to insist that is "absurd waffle"?

Ewwww, yuk. I would find that very distasteful if my DH did that.

I totally agree with
Fairenuff Sat 06-Oct-12 11:38:32

Read it again as it is spot on.

The thing to do is not engage directly. Taking the piss can really brighten up a boring Tuesday while you wait for the washing machine repair person though

I don't eat meat. Not that it's relevant. Anyway, I know from friends of mine who have worked there that abattoirs tend to pay well over the minimum wage because they find it hard to recruit.

Like I said earlier, being aware of exploitation and getting a kick out of paying to watch it take place are two different things. Many would agree that paying to watch people being exploited is worse. You, however, will argue the opposite somehow.

Oh and everything that Offred said too, x10

"I think that from now on we should ignore trolls like Larry, OneMoreChap etc. I'm sick of the way they intervene and mess up genuine threads."

Yep, far better to allow the MN Relationship politburo to dictate the thought process of the OP. First to decide a behaviour is a dealbreaker, next to post all the appropriate links to get someone efficiently to the divorce courts.

And to be honest everything you mention larry are things I personally do think about and make choices about in my life and my relationships and my parenting and my husband and I have similar stated beliefs about which is one reason why I chose him to marry. However it is irrelevant, a totally irrelevant point to say in order to object to one thing you must object to them all.

Not wanting someone to do something because you don't want them to do it = controlling/abusive

Not wanting someone to do something because you believe it to harm another person = reasonable

larrygrylls = absurd waffler

Happy,

It can also get you banned where you make personal assumptions about people and post them. :)

Offred, what do you think of them cracks in the road ?

I think they are a fucking disgrace, personally

hennyway...OP how are you feeling today ?

HHMF true I am waiting for the virgin media engineer, however.

Lazz also thinks it's fine to hit kids.

He is a joyful bundle of jolly opinions

It is you who is dictating to the op though larry have you missed that? You are the one saying it is not important and women should take their views on it from society otherwise they'll have a limited choice of husbands.

You haven't even read or understood anyone's views about their objections because you are so busy telling them they fall into two camps that you have decided are not valid and will say xyz.

Never worth repairing a washing machine, anyway. Throwing good money after bad. Cost a lot to repair and you invariably need a new one within a few months anyway.

Voice of experience...sorry to be dictatorial.

By contrast all I'm saying is fine you think that, I'll reserve the right to refuse to marry you on the basis of you thinking that. Something you object to why exactly?

Offred because he's concerned for your welfare that you won't find a husband and fit in with "normal" society.

Larry depends what's wrong with it.