He's just been to a nude lap dancing bar :(

[RunnyBum]

H just back from nude lap dancing bar, he has been on stag dos before and he knows I hate it. I'm gutted, he says I should forget this one "mistake" as he (allegedly) didn't has a private dance as he knows I would hate that. He claims he was just curious (inspite having been before and knowing all about it!!) Being in front of a naked woman that isnt me, for kicks just feels like cheating on some level. Oh and he wasn't on a stag tonight just out with a friend.

Found out as I Where's My Iphone'd him as he was meant to just be in our town, and I thought he'd be heading home.

We're meant to be going away on a romantic break in a few weeks, but a the minute I don't want him near me :(

How would u deal with this?

Mmm, you're playing down the realities of a lapdancing bar now, Larry, as places where 'gentlemen' go - a gentlemen's club, perhaps? - I can almost hear the creak of wood pannelling and the gentle rustle of newspaper in your description

The reality that I am aware of is that lapdancing clubs are not full of 'gentlemen' who respect their wives. The men I know who frequented these places did most certainly not respect their wives/girlfriends. I worked in London, in banking/finance in the mid 90's to early 2000's. My sisters still work in the city now.

And yes, it would (and has) changed my perception of people if I knew they went to these clubs. Very much so. Including a male relative of mine. Because it means they accept women's bodies can be bought to have a good leer over in a bar.

"Gentlemen" who "worship" their wives but think nothing of supporting the sex industry?.... in my opinion have massively ingrained Madonna/Whore complexes.

They see the women who provide these services as "other" and the women in their own family circle as the only "real" ones deserving of respect. They would be the ones likely to blow a gasket would their own sister, mother or daughter become one of the "those" type of women.

It's paternalistic, patronising and patriarchal bollocks at it's absolute best.

Sabrina,

"Because it means they accept women's bodies can be bought to have a good leer over in a bar."

For most people "buying a body" implies prostitution. In most decent lapdancing bars the women keep their underwear on. So, it is buying a chat and/or dance with a topless woman.

Where do you draw the line? Is it the sexual element or the fact that a body is comoditised? What about hotels or designer clothes boutiques which only employ attractive young staff (there are plenty of both)? What about artists' models? In both cases you are buying the use of another human being's body but I guess you would find it less objectionable. Or do you find any position where someone is paid more for their body than their mind unacceptable?

"They would be the ones likely to blow a gasket would their own sister, mother or daughter become one of the "those" type of women."

Absolutely untrue. I don't think anyone I know would have labelled lapdancers as a "type". They all had different motivations for dancing. In the Tokyo scene in particular, I knew several traders who dated and married lapdancers.

I have sons, not daughters and I would not be particularly proud were they to become the male equivalents. However, I would feel exactly the same should they become a whole load of professions which I won't name for fear of offending some. We all want our children to grow up into highly successful graduates, ideally doctors or something like that. It won't happen for all of us. That is completely different to making the moral and sexist judgment you are assuming.

I draw the line at sleazy lapdancing clubs, larry.

You are buying a drink and chat with a topless or naked girl - wow, what class. What a gentleman you are.

... DD served drinks in an "exotic" bar overseas.
I wasn't happy about it, and less so when she said she'd thought about dancing.

Mostly, I think she's too trusting, and thinks men on the whole aren't predatory. I agree with her, but I think there are enough about to be cautious.

In the end, she said decided not to, because she liked the craic at the bar better, I suspect.

I'd hope she wouldn't become a prostitute, but so do many fathers, whose DD do. I think she has too many other interests, and values herself a bit too much - although some sex workers also say they value themselves... an xgf certainly did.

"You are buying a drink and chat with a topless or naked girl - wow, what class. What a gentleman you are."

As if you have never dressed up to go out and accepted a drink from a man in a bar in return for a few minutes of your time. Or been bought dinner by a man who found you attractive and dressed up for the occasion, maybe in something skimpy. Same transaction really.

Man exchanges money for time with attractive woman...hold the press.

Some of the posts on here have given me pause for thought. Mainly the ones about the culture around lapdancing etc. However, your bland thoughtless judgmentalism just makes me wheeze.

And now we know, without asking, what Larry's view of the institution of marriage is

Happy,

No, you don't and I am sure, even you, in your youth, have accepted drinks or meals in return for your company. It does not mean that, later in life, you might not even have bought a good looking man dinner. And it has zero implications for the basis on which you married for the first and, in your case, second time.

Let's try to keep this discussion about what it is, rather than your normal ad hominem attacks. They are ceasing even to amuse (wishes there was an ignore button).

Married, in your case, for the second time ?

What are you talking about, Larry ?

"Accepted drinks and food for your company?" What?

Again you are comparing apples with pears.

If in my youth (ha) I accepted a drink from a guy at a bar, I did so of my own free will, with no feeling of being obliged to spend the rest of the evening with him - If I found him boring, I would not stay there and speak to him any longer. If he were to grope me or insult me, I could walk away or complain about him.

HUGE difference between that an working in a bar where the expectation is that I would (in exchange for money) give my time to a man. If he were to grope or insult me, then I would have little or no recourse, depending on the type of bar.

If you cannot see the difference, then hell, I don't even know what we are talking about.

Have you got a husband under the patio you've neglected to mention, HappyHalloweenMotherFucker?

Perhaps Larry is one of those men who buy women's company via drinks in bars with an expectation that they should get "something" for their investment.

That's the only way his comments make sense to me.

Mind you, now I am "old" and "on my second marriage", my opinions don't matter all that much and my time is valued even less

I wonder if I would even merit the outlay of a glass of tap water these days....

BOF, I think now I'm in my dotage I must have simply forgotten about the first one

I have missed a trick and haven't extracted the maximum amount of monetary value out of it

It's all a matter of opinion. I happen to think lap dancing clubs are sleazy, the people who work in them are sleazy and the people who frequent them are even sleazier. If people want to think they are fine well I suppose that's up to them.

Happy.... you must be entirely irrelevant if you are 'old'. So shhh there's a dear, let's not allow these silly women to think with age comes wisdom and experience only saggy tits and grey hair are the gains of ageing women.

I am almost invisible, Posie [hsad]

happyhalloween has it spot on. Menwho frequent lapdancing clubs and 'worship their wives' almost certainly have a madonna /whore complex. Especially middle aged men who claim to adore their wives, but in actual fact prefer to ogle twenty something women. Yuck.

I have accepted a drink off a man many a time. I have always had my top on.

A man mingling with topless girls and having a chat is quite yuck. And the man must be a right div knowing the girl is only chatting cos he spending his money.

It's ok, Posie. Don't be sad for me. I am quite happy to no longer figure in some men's consciousness at all

"Perhaps Larry is one of those men who buy women's company via drinks in bars with an expectation that they should get "something" for their investment."

Sorry? So, none of you have ever been bought a drink in a bar? And, yes, there is the normal quid pro quo in that it is extremely rude to accept a drink and then not at least chat for a few minutes to the person that has bought it for you. So, I guess I expect(ed) "something" in return for the drink.

Are you really going to pretend that the above never happens or that there is something wrong with it? Posie? You seem to think this never happens. Or do you think you are being bought the drink and you have zero obligation even to chat for five mins to the buyer of the drink?

"I have accepted a drink off a man many a time. I have always had my top on. "

The initial buying of that drink is nearly always based on physical rather than intellectual attraction (if you don't know the buyer). Where do you draw the line? Skimpy, fine, topless yuck. You are still buying into a system where you have obtained something based purely on how you look.

It strains credulity that people don't recognise the above happens in every bar every night of the year.

The men I went with have included some of the most gentlemanly individuals who worship their wives and would consider themselves to be (and in my eyes are) 100% faithful. They would not have ever considered any implications of their behaviour beyond being convivial with colleagues. I suspect some may have regarded it as more of a work obligation than a pleasure. They had very strict lines (as did I, although I was mainly single in that period) of no private dances and just drinking and chatting with everyone together.

------------

and there we have it.
The "we're all in this together" shite that men do. Men sticking together and protecting each other's sleaziness.
This is the bullshit that I for one have had enough of hearing. Of course this is what you tell women because it's in your (males as a whole) interest for us women to be treated like dumb bitches so you can try to cover up the reality of what happens when you're all being boys together.

I've only once accepted a drink from a stranger, it was in a private members bar in Soho. He thought he was a hot shot meeja type and proceeded to say pretty disgusting things to me as he followed me up some stairs. I was incredibly quick, witty and rude which silenced him. He came over later and apologised, offered me "any drink at te bar" and threw me the wine list "order a bottle" so I did. A cool vintage Krug....

Did I chat to him? No.
Did I sit with him? No.

I shared it with my friends and told him to fuck off.

Larry, your posts make my skin crawl. There is absolutely a difference between you buying a drink in a bar for a woman and going to a lapdancing club.

You have no idea how I behave in bars. I don't actually accept drinks from strangers in bars - and never have - but that's beside the point. It is not the same to buy a drink for a woman in a bar (a fellow customer, on an equal footing to you) and buying services from a topless dancer in a lapdancing club.

You are kidding yourself.