Don't know what to think.

[CherryPie3]

Last night my husband sat me down as he had something to tell me.

On Friday he went to his friends evening wedding reception. I was working at his mum's shop.
As he was leaving at 11:45pm a young girl that was attending someone else's wedding reception walked across the carpark explaining that she had no money and could he please take her into town to meet her friends. She was also on the phone to her friends explaining that she had no money.

Despite town being out of his way he took her as he didn't want to leave her stranded.

As he was driving she declared that he was gorgeous and placed her feet up on his dashboard. She then started using her fingers to pleasure herself and asked my dh to take her somewhere dark and private. Which he didn't, he explained he had to get back to the reception as he had left his friends there.

Upon arriving at town she asked him repeatedly to have sex with her, and was getting quite angry that he was refusing to. When she finally got out she punched my dh on the cheek and slammed the door.

My dh then went back to the wedding reception and didn't get home until 3am. He explained he was so late because his friends wanted taking home.

I was very calm while he was telling me as something similar happened to me twice before - not as disgusting but a 'friend' tried kissing me whilst I was dropping him off at home, he then sent me disgusting texts despite me telling him to take a run and jump! Another 'friend' tried to kiss me after a group night out.

I'm absolutely sickened by the whole thing and have been physically sick this morning because I had to drive his car on Saturday, completely oblivious that this woman had been sat in it pleasuring herself. I never ever want to set foot in that car again! She was sat where I normally would if dh was driving.

Now I'm thinking about it I have so many questions that don't make sense.

1. Why would she ask a stranger for help when she must have friends/family at the reception that could have helped her out?

2. Why did my husband go out of his way to help a stranger, knowing there must be other people she knows that would help her.

3. Why did he return to his friends afterwards instead of coming straight home.

4. Why didn't he explain he had a wife and 3 kids waiting for him at home instead of having to go back to his friends.

5. Why did he leave it until last night to tell me?

I am so confused and hurt and upset and angry and devastated.... I love my husband so much and I don't think he would ever, ever cheat on me but those questions are getting to me. I wish I could switch my brain off.
I'm very insecure at the best of times without this. I am a very wobbly size 24 lady and he says this girl was a slim girl with short blonde hair.

We have just recently celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary, he is 25, I am 27. Our children are 7, 6, 2yrs.

What should I be thinking? I'm sorry it's long.

I think you are being too nice.

Someone called you and had the bared-faced cheek to lie to you, stringing you along even though they must have heard that you were very upset.

Why on earth woud you not want to get them into trouble?

At the station nw

Good luck. Think of us all, right behind you, supporting you

OK, deep breathing and you know what Apartridge is right. Holding your hand now

Thinking of you, deep breaths!

Don't forget to ask for a female WPC if it makes it easier. Probably easier than blurting it all out at the desk anyway!

Lurked on this thread but wanted to post my support for you OP. I think you're amazing and brave. Good luck and I hope you get the answers you need. x

I don't get this thread at all. If one of you had given a young man a lift in your car and he had started masturbating, demanded sex and then slapped you when you refused, you would consider it sexual assault (and it is). This guy has been sexually assaulted and rather than advising his wife to support him, you have been demanding that she get him to jump through hoops to prove he is not lying.

What happened to the "I believe you" campaign? Does it not apply to men? I am actually surprised that MNHQ has allowed this whole thread to stand, which is, in effect, encouraging rape myths. He did not tell her immediately proves the assault never happened? No, it proves he was in shock and processing it. Ditto with the reporting to the police.

In this day and age, it is not that rare for women to aggressively come on to men. I have friends this has happened to.

OP, you could lose your marriage in doubting your husband instead of supporting him. He probably feels desperately shocked and now he is getting the third degree instead of support.

As helpful and supportive as ever...

larrygrylls have you read the whole thread?

Many people did believe it at first. But the police story doesn't add up at all. It's simply not the way things are done.

The lack of a crime reference number for a start, and the looking at CCTV from the station. It stinks.

Badtaste,

That is supportive! I am supporting the OP in her original view, which was to BELIEVE her husband and support him. To ask her to doubt her husband's sexual assault is the absolute opposite of support.

Larry I was one who initially believed him. But it's got fishier and fishier

Apartridge,

I am not an expert in police procedure, but even if the whole police station bit IS a fabrication based on him being in a panic about losing his marriage over having been sexually assaulted, so what?

larrygrylls - I oriiginally believed the story - although I did think there were one or two inconistencies. However he is lying to her about what transpired at the police station yesterday. If he ever went.
She needs to know the TRUTH about what happened which he is not telling her. If he doesn't tell her the truth she is going to have doubts for years. And the reason she has doubts is that he's lying about something in this story.

larry I must admit that I believed the OP's husband on the grounds that I know someone who something similar happened to, until he put someone on the phone who claimed that they were police and had reviewed the CCTV footage. For me at least, that was when it started sounding like he was probably lying or at least trying to cover something up.

If he really had been sexually assaulted, why would he fabricate? Why wouldn't he go to the police? And if that call was a fabrication based on a panic about losing his marriage, who was the woman he put on the phone pretending to be a policewoman and talking about reviewing the CCTV footage?

larry are you for real. cherry clearly loves her DH and does want to support him IF he was sexually assulted, but unfortunately he has been lying to her, not sure about what yet but he is lying, so she needs to put her mind at rest. Your post is not helpful, sorry!

I too think the original situation could have happened, it is possible for a drunk woman to be so sexually aggressive (similar happened to DH) and if it did, it is abhorrent and yes, it is sexual assault and should be taken seriously by police. If a police officer failed to take it seriously because of the gender reversal, it would be scandalous, and I hope that wouldn't happen.

It is the police station and CCTV thing that sounds made up due to the time frames of looking up tapes, the policewoman talking on the phone to a worried wife... and if what had happened was true I don't see why he would lie about the police issue.

However if OP finds out that the police visit really did happen, the tape was checked etc, then I'd be right back to believing him.

The way I see it:

Man is sexually assaulted.

Takes a few days to process and pluck up the courage to tell his wife, probably wanting acceptance and support and to put the whole thing behind him.

OP (based on advice from here) tells him to report it to police. He does so, in her hearing (this call would be hard to fabricate unless you were cool as a cucumber and an Oscar award worthy actor). The next day his wife asks for the crime number (WTF) and he does not have it so she says she is going to report it herself. Then he says he is in a police station (who knows about this bit?). Now, we have a bit of amateur detective work going on with all the MN sleuths advising. Have I got it right so far?

And, even if the OP proves that he was not in the police station, does that prove that the assault did not occur how he said it did? Nope. Does it get the OP any further? Nope. And if he did report it, are all the amateur sleuths going to apologise and suggest she supports him or are they going to continue to pick at his story and raise further doubts?

larry if the DH has been sexually assaulted then you should be angry with the police for not even issuing a crime reference number (which is standard procedure).

It's so obviously bollocks though, are you for real?

"However if OP finds out that the police visit really did happen, the tape was checked etc, then I'd be right back to believing him."

Me too.

If it did happen, who called her to lie about being a police officer?

larry, its an interesting take, but based on expert knowledge here he had to be lying about the police station. Which means he must have confided his whole horrific whole story to another woman, and persuaded that woman to pretend to be a police officer and call his DW in that assumed role. If your take is correct and he is a traumatised victim of sexual abuse, that bit just makes no sense that I can see.

Well good luck with that theory larry, I swear to god I will eat all of my hats if you're right.

And yes, the police response to this is appalling if OP's H has done all he claims.

Ok, I'm out and now sitting in a cafe processing.

It's GREAT news!!!

By some miracle it was the same lady we (dh and I ) spoke to yesterday. I could tell instantly by her voice, plus she confirmed it when I started reeling off why I was there.

In the state I was in yesterday it appears I garbled what she was saying and missed some crucial bits . I've been leading you all up the wrong path, I'm so sorry.

What she actually said to me yesterday was if she was to check to the CCTV, she would have seen the woman slamming dh's car door.

She said she she didn't think it was worth reporting and hasn't made an official report of it - just made a note of it in her personal book. She even showed me it, there was dh's name and number and a brief description of the incident.

She has checked the individual location report logs (because that's the only way they can search, by location) for anything that may have been reported from this other woman but there's nothing.

The lady officer did tell me that if someone had reported something this serious against my dh they would have been all over it by now as it's 6 days on.

The relief is unbelievable.

Thank you all so much for helping me and handholding on this thread. Without you I would never have questioned it or gone to the police station.

My dh is innocent, guilty only of being naive (words of the officer).

I'm so glad!! A line has been firmly drawn under this now, I can move on.

omg

I am going to have to eat all my hats.

Cherry I am really happy for you x