Don't know what to think.

[CherryPie3]

Last night my husband sat me down as he had something to tell me.

On Friday he went to his friends evening wedding reception. I was working at his mum's shop.
As he was leaving at 11:45pm a young girl that was attending someone else's wedding reception walked across the carpark explaining that she had no money and could he please take her into town to meet her friends. She was also on the phone to her friends explaining that she had no money.

Despite town being out of his way he took her as he didn't want to leave her stranded.

As he was driving she declared that he was gorgeous and placed her feet up on his dashboard. She then started using her fingers to pleasure herself and asked my dh to take her somewhere dark and private. Which he didn't, he explained he had to get back to the reception as he had left his friends there.

Upon arriving at town she asked him repeatedly to have sex with her, and was getting quite angry that he was refusing to. When she finally got out she punched my dh on the cheek and slammed the door.

My dh then went back to the wedding reception and didn't get home until 3am. He explained he was so late because his friends wanted taking home.

I was very calm while he was telling me as something similar happened to me twice before - not as disgusting but a 'friend' tried kissing me whilst I was dropping him off at home, he then sent me disgusting texts despite me telling him to take a run and jump! Another 'friend' tried to kiss me after a group night out.

I'm absolutely sickened by the whole thing and have been physically sick this morning because I had to drive his car on Saturday, completely oblivious that this woman had been sat in it pleasuring herself. I never ever want to set foot in that car again! She was sat where I normally would if dh was driving.

Now I'm thinking about it I have so many questions that don't make sense.

1. Why would she ask a stranger for help when she must have friends/family at the reception that could have helped her out?

2. Why did my husband go out of his way to help a stranger, knowing there must be other people she knows that would help her.

3. Why did he return to his friends afterwards instead of coming straight home.

4. Why didn't he explain he had a wife and 3 kids waiting for him at home instead of having to go back to his friends.

5. Why did he leave it until last night to tell me?

I am so confused and hurt and upset and angry and devastated.... I love my husband so much and I don't think he would ever, ever cheat on me but those questions are getting to me. I wish I could switch my brain off.
I'm very insecure at the best of times without this. I am a very wobbly size 24 lady and he says this girl was a slim girl with short blonde hair.

We have just recently celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary, he is 25, I am 27. Our children are 7, 6, 2yrs.

What should I be thinking? I'm sorry it's long.

Cherry - just wanted to say keep strong. This must be horrible for you. I have to say I was suspicious as soon as I saw your post, but you so vehemently defended him even I began to wonder if there could be an explanation. I hate your 'DH' for lying to someone who is obviously so loving and trusting, and who was prepared to give him the benefit of the doubt until the 'evidence' against him was overwhelming. He doesn't deserve your trust and his betrayal in his lying has made me

I have no idea what the truth is, but I think it's safe to say you haven't been told it.

You're clearly a good, strong person and you will get through this, and remember you have lots of 'friends' here should you need them. Just be safe and think of yourself and your DC.

I'm so sorry cherry. I read the first part of this with an open mind - I do believe that it could've happened. But as so many have said the police/CCTV thing really can't be true.

Stay strong. x

Thank you everyone, I think MN really comes into it's own in situations like this. I really appreciate the virtual handholding.

I'm on the iPhone MN app at the minute so no worry about dh searching the web history for this.

He'll be home in about 20 mins.
What do I do if he wants to talk about things tonight? Just nonchalantly accept what he's telling me? I don't want to slip up and blab about the secret station visit tomorrow. It'd be just like me to do something like that! x

What a horrible situation you're in. I hope you get some answers at the station tomorrow.

You've had some great advice from some knowledgeable posters - MN is so good for that.

I think keep it as low key as possible tonight. Act like you believe him completely. Let him talk if he wants to though - he might just blab out something himself, in his nervousness.

I agree, keep it low key. Don't get into the details too much. Maybe you could ask him something like "what would you think if you were me?".

But otherwise keep schtum for now. Every time he thinks you're on to something, he goes out of his way to sabotage your line of enquiry. So don't give him that opportunity.

If he wants to talk (very unlikely) then just listen. You might ask him some questions about the CCTV footage that he saw alongside the 'police officer' i.e. what the camera looked like, where these (non-existent) cameras are kept in the police station, or more detailed questions about the female officer and the notes she made. Don't offer an opinion or make any judgement though. If he asks if you believe him, if you don't want to lie just say you need to think about it a bit more. Personally, unless he's going to confess all, I would deter any conversation about this at all.

Hope to hear from you tomorrow and good luck tonight.

Let him talk. If you can don't talk to him. Don't try to talk to fill awkward silences.

People tend to get nervous and fill the gaps.

Or you could just go with we both know that is not true tell the truth. Don't say how you know it is not true. Don't get drawn into any debates about anything being 'your' fault.

Just keep turning it back to him.

Good luck

If he wants to talk- listen. He's the one with explaining to do. Just give the vaguest acknowledgements in response to what he says- and if he asks for your opinion, say that it's a lot to take in and you're still trying to process it all.

The more he says , and the more space you give him to talk, the more likely he is to trip himself up on any lies.

Thanks, I'm happy to just listen to him for now. I'll be listening carefully.

He probably won't want to since he's the one who made me promise not to bring it up.

Exactly cherry, hang in there :)

Don't worry about me hun i'm 3 nearly 4 years on from that point but i'm hoping we all can support you so you don't end up feeling like you're going bananas.

Five.. i most certainly did call the police. Unfortunately SS and meetings with them followed .. DP got anger management course

He will get mentionitis next then he will trip up

Good luck tomorrow Cherry.

Cherry, ok no red flags re his texts to you if he's often gushy like that. Just wanted to wish you good luck for tomorrow. I hope tonight was ok.

Oh Cherry this is horrible. All the best for today x

Good morning, have shipped dh off to work with a coffee in hand and a kiss on the cheek.

He has no idea where I'm going today, although he did suggest yesterday that I go into town to the bank, so he gave me an alternate reason for being in town.

Surprisingly my dh did want to briefly talk about it all last night, well, the police station bit. He reminded me that he would do anything for me and if I hadn't pressed him he wouldn't have reported it, but I'm worth it blah blah. I smiled and agreed saying it was nice of the lady officer to come on the phone to reassure me. He was cool as a cucumber and never gave anything away, if there was something, (yes I know there probably was). He said he had been at the police station some time before he text me, I had assumed he text me as he arrived. Apparently he was waiting a while before he was seen and quickly text me while the lady was looking at the computer. I don't know exactly how long he was there but I know I text him at 8:15 yesterday and at 9:18 he text me saying he was there, obviously I now know he'd been there a while. It takes him about 5-10 mins to drive there from where he works.

Conversation was closed with "Please promise me we can both just forget this now, I don't want to keep being reminded of it." Well I don't want to be continually bothered by it either, so I told him there will be times where I need to talk about it, I told him I need time to really process what's happened - he seemed fine with this.

I did notice he had shift eyes last night, but I'm taking so much more notice now that I'm not sure if he did this before, it's something I'm aware I do myself without knowing it at the time. I have difficulty keeping eye contact with anyone.

Absolutely bricking it for going to the station. It's been made worse by my friend texting me saying she thinks her dh is having an affair - all happens at once!! So I'm trying to comfort her without adding to her stress about my situation, she has enough to deal with as he's done it before to her. :(

Right, I'd best get the kids ready :) xx

Good luck today Cherry, we're all right behind you :)

I think you might well need RL support after.

Do you have any idea now what you'll do once you know for sure?

Thank you Aufaniae :)
Depending on the outcome of my little police visit I will call on friend and we can comfort eachother. She certainly needs it. I'm desperately hoping for good news from the station, I suppose that's obvious though.

Just to add to the police station timings.... I text him at 8:15, he then text me at 9:18. He then called me when he was out at about 9:50 - I have accidentally deleted my call list which is infuriating but never mind.

Once all this is over, and I know the truth, I will confront dh. From there I'd like to have a proper discussion with him about it. We can take it from there, if he looks remorseful, apologises etc - he will get another chance. I cannot imagine my life without him, he's always been there for me. He was my best friend before we became a couple.
I think I remember someone asking if I was warned away from him, well it was quite the opposite - everyone telling me we were perfect for eachother and he's a keeper etc. They just wanted us to wait before we married. He was only 18, I was 20 when we got married so I can see their point, plus we already had a 6m old baby.

Another thing to ask while you're at the police station is about the process for them viewing the town's cctv footage. They'll explain that they have to apply to view it, the police are subject to the Data Protection Act just like the rest of us and they can't just flick a switch on their own computer at the front desk to watch cctv belonging to the local council. They also have to have a good strong reason which AFAIK means an actual ongoing investigation.
Anyway if you get the facts from them it will help to put your mind at rest one way or the other. Or you can even google your local council and cctv and they will have right there on their website their guidelines for access to footage.

I understand that you want to be able to forgive DH for this but to fully forgive him you will need the TRUTH. Not just apologies and a remorseful expression. I know that feeling that you just want to put it behind you, but I promise you if you don't get the truth this will eat away at you for years to come.

Good luck today.

OP just read the whole thread. Agree with all, he is lying. Best of luck this morning, remember you deserve the truth.

Thank you everyone!!

Just dropped the kids off on the school bus, I'm on my way through to town now :(

So scared!!

Good luck, stay strong :)

You're doing really well.

Remember to tell them about someone pretending to be a WPC if they say they can't talk to you about your DH.

Also to ask for a female officer if you think that will help (I would).

I've got tummy butterflies for you Cherry but I hope it gives you some answers. Good luck!

Cherry, it will be fine.

Dont worry about it.

The worst thing is to not go, and to spend the rest of your life just wondering, when it crops up in your head from time to time.

My own h came home at least 15 years ago once furious that he had been stoped by the police for no reason, he said, on the way to get a burger late at night. Hr said they wondered if he was kerb crawling, then let him go. His olitics, and various other things at the time made me absolutely certain he was innocent.

However, after the OW line years, when I found out last year, I did begin to wonder about that earlier incident. I think best to check for yourself. If its innocent, you can then forget all about in in peace.