So sad. 16 years married, 3 DC aged 10, 8 and 6. Knew he was having EA at least. He said he was going for a bike ride this morning and told him that I didn't believe him, he denied and denied and it was only when I said that I was sure he was going to meet OW using her name that he admitted he was. We then got to where he admitted they had talked about him moving in with her but he couldn't/wouldn't say when he was planning on dropping that on me. All was calm throughout - as it always is with us. Lots of long silences and I was shaking like a leaf. I asked him to make a decision and he said we 'weren't working' and he felt he had to go. Best line of the morning - 'it's for the best' yeah right, for you! He adores our children and was genuinely upset not to be with them anymore. I asked him what we will say and he says that we'll tell them the truth in a few days.
So I gathered them up, told them to say bye to Daddy (which they did very casually, completely oblivious) and took them to the zoo then for lunch. We've actually had a really nice day just our little unit of 4 and I've held it together really well. Got home about 2 hours ago and he's gone of course but hardly taken any stuff with him.
I feel very disappointed and embarrassed. I have lots of good friends around who will drop everything for me but the thought of speaking about it makes it seem so real and I'm a VERY closed book. I also don't want to tell the world before the children know.
Added info. He had a short affair nearly 4 years ago which lead to us rebuilding our relationship and we did really well up until about 6 months ago when I realised the pattern of sneaky behaviour was creeping in again. Went for one session of counselling which was really just setting the scene and he flatly refused to go to the next appointment while we were standing on the doorstep of the psychiatrist on the way in. Doesn't want to face his childhood and shitty upbringing and mental family history. I really believe he is like this cause of childhood learned behaviours - both his parents had affairs/basically fucked up the lives of the 5 boys they had between them and their new spouses. All dysfunctional other than H who up until this morning looked like the model husband and father. We only told 2 people about the previous affair and no one knows what's going on now. It will be a massive shock to everyone, including our families and children.
So he's disappeared off into the sunset with his shiney new relationship and I've got to hold it together until we officially tell the children. 
. And longer term I am determined to break the cycle of deceit and disloyalty which he grew up with and focus on giving my children the most stable and supported upbringing I possibly can.
I know deep down I am well rid, really I do. I am focussing on trying to remember that not looking over my shoulder constantly and wondering where his phone is, who he's texting, what lies he's going to spout next is a relief. But I'm so sad as we really did get on so well and were totally in tune with everything we like and dislike/house stuff/children/money etc etc. I am sad not to be a 'normal' family anymore. Am afraid of the fall out and the pity from people at school and around.
My parents are on the other side of the world and will be INCENSED. They are due over here in 10 weeks to spend the summer. I just don't know what to tell them.
Thanks for listening.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
My husband left today to be with OW. (Aus)
romaloS · 01/10/2012 07:48
Whatever time you tell him you'll be back this evening while he babysits much to his surprise enjoys contact with the dc in your home, don't rush to meet the deadline.
Think of him enjoying a leisurely fishnchips meal with HOLM last Sunday and take your time - after all, what's half an hour except 30 minutes and that's not late, that's an acceptable delay due to one for the road traffic, courteous fare thee wells upon departing friend's home, etc.
On your return be prepared for a Shakespearean drama of epic proportions as he having been driven to distraction by paranoid texts from HOLM and blown her out proffers a pound of his flesh, throws himself upon your mercy, swears blind that if you take him back it will never happen again and that his dalliance with Ms Loose Knicker Elastic was much ado about nothing that served to convince him that it's you he truly loves... and can you please help him bring the bin bags containing his belonging back into the house?
To which the only response you can make is 'in your midsummer night's dreams' as you usher him out of the door and close it firmly behind him.
As the song has it, Instant Karma's gonna get you.... and it's got him sooner rather than later.
Stand firm in the face of the onslaught, honey. You know it makes sense and we need all the laughs we can get on this board 
Spritz of perfume? Pure genius, Blathers But may I suggest that the OP spritzes some delectable scent as a means of refreshing herself after her arduous return journey thus spraying him with the vapour as he departs for his soon to be bin bag stuffed lovenest with HOLM?
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
And a few spritzes of the same scent in his bin bags before he collects them will serve to refresh her memory his stinky cycling socks
Ha! Thanks everyone. Just returned, very much later than I said, rather pissed and very comforted after a lovely evening with my very supportive friend. Tomorrow is reveal day so the world will know. He's cycled off into the night to his OW who he says is embarrassed about their relationship in the workplace and he doesn't know what's going on.
Tomorrow is going to be hard but it's actually great to talk about it, I need just to learn to open up although old habits die hard. Tonight has been great and such a relief to just be honest about everything.
Thanks for your support 
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
HOTLM is embarrassed about their relationship in the workplace and he doesn't know what's going on WTactualF? She wasn't embarrassed about starting an affair with a married colleague and she's ensured her blushes won't be spared by having him move in with her. He might not know what's going on but you can be sure their colleagues will, including his female boss who has been so considerate to you.
Should you have occasion to speak with his boss, I would suggest you tell her in a resignedly patient tone of voice that you're not altogether surprised at this development as he had an affair back the UK and, as a very good friiend has told you, it may well be that these 2 amours are but the tip of the iceberg - heave a sigh and imply that some things are never known and you've got no intention of investigating what may be below his waterline. This info will inevitably reach the ears of HOTLM and may come as something of a surprise as I very much doubt he's told her she's not the first, iyswim.
I suspect you'll find that spreading the news will become easier the more people you tell. It will be immensely liberating to relieve yourself of the burden of secrecy that has dogged your path for some 4 years, and will also serve to validate you and your dc who deserve not to be regarded as casualties of his casual view of the marriage vows.
In the space of less than a week you've come a very long way and should, rightly, be immensely proud of yourself for having maintained your composure and your dignity throughout.
There'll be dips in the road ahead, honey, and you may find yourself hankering for the illusion of what you considered to be a happy marriage, but by the time you reach the milesone that is your dps arrival you'll be coasting smoothly down the highway to a bright future.
Plan a wonderful weekend with your dc and don't be inhibited about accepting the comfort, love, and support rl friends will want to lavish on you - I wish I could be there to spoonfeed you chicken soup and pour you the occasional 
while reassuring you there was nothing you could have done differently that would have prevented him following his dick chosen path.
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.