So sad. 16 years married, 3 DC aged 10, 8 and 6. Knew he was having EA at least. He said he was going for a bike ride this morning and told him that I didn't believe him, he denied and denied and it was only when I said that I was sure he was going to meet OW using her name that he admitted he was. We then got to where he admitted they had talked about him moving in with her but he couldn't/wouldn't say when he was planning on dropping that on me. All was calm throughout - as it always is with us. Lots of long silences and I was shaking like a leaf. I asked him to make a decision and he said we 'weren't working' and he felt he had to go. Best line of the morning - 'it's for the best' yeah right, for you! He adores our children and was genuinely upset not to be with them anymore. I asked him what we will say and he says that we'll tell them the truth in a few days.
So I gathered them up, told them to say bye to Daddy (which they did very casually, completely oblivious) and took them to the zoo then for lunch. We've actually had a really nice day just our little unit of 4 and I've held it together really well. Got home about 2 hours ago and he's gone of course but hardly taken any stuff with him.
I feel very disappointed and embarrassed. I have lots of good friends around who will drop everything for me but the thought of speaking about it makes it seem so real and I'm a VERY closed book. I also don't want to tell the world before the children know.
Added info. He had a short affair nearly 4 years ago which lead to us rebuilding our relationship and we did really well up until about 6 months ago when I realised the pattern of sneaky behaviour was creeping in again. Went for one session of counselling which was really just setting the scene and he flatly refused to go to the next appointment while we were standing on the doorstep of the psychiatrist on the way in. Doesn't want to face his childhood and shitty upbringing and mental family history. I really believe he is like this cause of childhood learned behaviours - both his parents had affairs/basically fucked up the lives of the 5 boys they had between them and their new spouses. All dysfunctional other than H who up until this morning looked like the model husband and father. We only told 2 people about the previous affair and no one knows what's going on now. It will be a massive shock to everyone, including our families and children.
So he's disappeared off into the sunset with his shiney new relationship and I've got to hold it together until we officially tell the children. 
. And longer term I am determined to break the cycle of deceit and disloyalty which he grew up with and focus on giving my children the most stable and supported upbringing I possibly can.
I know deep down I am well rid, really I do. I am focussing on trying to remember that not looking over my shoulder constantly and wondering where his phone is, who he's texting, what lies he's going to spout next is a relief. But I'm so sad as we really did get on so well and were totally in tune with everything we like and dislike/house stuff/children/money etc etc. I am sad not to be a 'normal' family anymore. Am afraid of the fall out and the pity from people at school and around.
My parents are on the other side of the world and will be INCENSED. They are due over here in 10 weeks to spend the summer. I just don't know what to tell them.
Thanks for listening.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
My husband left today to be with OW. (Aus)
romaloS · 01/10/2012 07:48
She must have come to pick him up though as a wheely case is gone and that would be tricky to manage while cycling I've got got visions of them cycling to her laundromat love nest on a tandem with wheely case tied to rear 
Bin bags to the ready, honey, and this is one occasion when there's no need to separate clean from dirty or summer from winter when you're crumpling carefully placing his clothing in them.
As for his guitar, amp, kindle (not planning to do much reading while in the company of Ms LM then?) and any other junk he's got cluttering up your home, bonfire night approaches and until then I suggest you pile it up in your front yard and encourage your dc and their pals to make a guy. Or decorate the pile in Halloween style with lighted pumpkins a spark from which might cause a conflagration
Wth regard to Ms LM's readiness to shag shack up with a married but immature twunt, I suspect it's a case of irresistable foetal attraction.
I shall be looking forward to your updates... all the Oz women I know are right on natural born feminists have a robust pioneering spirit and, as I'm sure you know, when in Rome you're best advised to live as the Romans do 
Just told DS1 (10) that Daddy won't be back tonight as he's gone out with friends and is staying over and he said Oh he's having a sleepover!
On a positive note they've not really mentioned him much or noticed he's been absent up until now (nearly 7pm). I do all the childcare/school/clubs/organising/cooking etc so their basic day to day lives won't shift too much initially. Daren't think about him taking them anywhere yet though. I told him he absolutely was not taking them to her house and he did agree.
everyone. Your support is invaluable. I'm so glad I posted.
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.