So sad. 16 years married, 3 DC aged 10, 8 and 6. Knew he was having EA at least. He said he was going for a bike ride this morning and told him that I didn't believe him, he denied and denied and it was only when I said that I was sure he was going to meet OW using her name that he admitted he was. We then got to where he admitted they had talked about him moving in with her but he couldn't/wouldn't say when he was planning on dropping that on me. All was calm throughout - as it always is with us. Lots of long silences and I was shaking like a leaf. I asked him to make a decision and he said we 'weren't working' and he felt he had to go. Best line of the morning - 'it's for the best' yeah right, for you! He adores our children and was genuinely upset not to be with them anymore. I asked him what we will say and he says that we'll tell them the truth in a few days.
So I gathered them up, told them to say bye to Daddy (which they did very casually, completely oblivious) and took them to the zoo then for lunch. We've actually had a really nice day just our little unit of 4 and I've held it together really well. Got home about 2 hours ago and he's gone of course but hardly taken any stuff with him.
I feel very disappointed and embarrassed. I have lots of good friends around who will drop everything for me but the thought of speaking about it makes it seem so real and I'm a VERY closed book. I also don't want to tell the world before the children know.
Added info. He had a short affair nearly 4 years ago which lead to us rebuilding our relationship and we did really well up until about 6 months ago when I realised the pattern of sneaky behaviour was creeping in again. Went for one session of counselling which was really just setting the scene and he flatly refused to go to the next appointment while we were standing on the doorstep of the psychiatrist on the way in. Doesn't want to face his childhood and shitty upbringing and mental family history. I really believe he is like this cause of childhood learned behaviours - both his parents had affairs/basically fucked up the lives of the 5 boys they had between them and their new spouses. All dysfunctional other than H who up until this morning looked like the model husband and father. We only told 2 people about the previous affair and no one knows what's going on now. It will be a massive shock to everyone, including our families and children.
So he's disappeared off into the sunset with his shiney new relationship and I've got to hold it together until we officially tell the children. 
. And longer term I am determined to break the cycle of deceit and disloyalty which he grew up with and focus on giving my children the most stable and supported upbringing I possibly can.
I know deep down I am well rid, really I do. I am focussing on trying to remember that not looking over my shoulder constantly and wondering where his phone is, who he's texting, what lies he's going to spout next is a relief. But I'm so sad as we really did get on so well and were totally in tune with everything we like and dislike/house stuff/children/money etc etc. I am sad not to be a 'normal' family anymore. Am afraid of the fall out and the pity from people at school and around.
My parents are on the other side of the world and will be INCENSED. They are due over here in 10 weeks to spend the summer. I just don't know what to tell them.
Thanks for listening.
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My husband left today to be with OW. (Aus)
romaloS · 01/10/2012 07:48
Your DC will be ok with their amazing Mum 
It must have been very emotional and do hope you are taking things easy now x
I couldn't help but say are you being checked up on already That's my gal 
More (((hugs))) honey - telling the dc is the worst part and you've done them proud. Have a restorative 
and pat yourself on the back.
Although, as I've said, it seemed to me that you've been preparing yourself for this eventuality for some time, nevertheless it's been a shock for you and you're likely to spend the next few weeks veering between reality and a sense of disbelief.
Your love and concern for your dc shines through your every word and I don't need to tell you to be especially kind to them in the coming weeks, but don't forget to be kind to yourself too. Go easy on yourself. Wrap yourself in an imaginary or real fluffy blanket and take every opportunity to nourish yourself in any/every way you can until your dps arrive to give you rl comfort.
Nothing you could have done could have changed this outcome, romalo. He's intrinsically flawed and when it comes to honour, decency, and integrity, he's not fit for purpose - as no doubt a succession of other women with more morals than Her of the Loose Knicker elastic Ones will discover in the not too distant future.
You are one truly amazing woman - be proud of yourself and know that your mumsnet followers are immensely proud of you too 
I hope I didn't give the impression that I was finding fault with the way you put it, Blathers - you gave me the opportunity, for which I thank you very much 
, to have a bit of fun at Ms Loose Elastic's expense but I forgot to add a few of these
She won't feel 'awkward' as much as at a loose like her knickers end when she knows he's with you/the dc, romola, and we can but imagine the fears that will be going through what passes for her mind on those occasions. Should that be a ? Or a ?
She'll torment herself with the thought that she may imminently be on the receiving end of a Dear Jane text or call when he'll announce that it's her turn to be part of his history.
Texting him so soon after he'd gone to tell his dc he was madly in love with her moving out? Methinks Blathers has shown the way for you to have some fun with her insecurities to cheer you in the coming weeks
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OP you are giving a master class in how to handle a separation, I applaud you.
Izzy you rock
Hi, thanks yet again for the support, you are all amazing!
Today been quiet, children are surprisingly ok. Resilient little creatures aren't they??
Had a short text conversation with H today after he asked how the children are doing. I asked if he is happy and he said 'not really'. What a fucking mess. Life is not so shiney on the other side of the fence and a family is ripped apart.
He's coming to see the children after work tomorrow and I am going to go out for dinner with the only friend I've told so far (he doesn't know this yet). It will be the first dose of adult company (other than you guys!) I've had this week as been avoiding everyone so looking forward to it although it will be confronting. After that I think I will send the round robin I have set up on my phone to all my other close friends. I know they will rally round but that makes it very real. I have to take DS2 to a party on Sat am so need to get things in the open before then.
Day by day..
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