So sad. 16 years married, 3 DC aged 10, 8 and 6. Knew he was having EA at least. He said he was going for a bike ride this morning and told him that I didn't believe him, he denied and denied and it was only when I said that I was sure he was going to meet OW using her name that he admitted he was. We then got to where he admitted they had talked about him moving in with her but he couldn't/wouldn't say when he was planning on dropping that on me. All was calm throughout - as it always is with us. Lots of long silences and I was shaking like a leaf. I asked him to make a decision and he said we 'weren't working' and he felt he had to go. Best line of the morning - 'it's for the best' yeah right, for you! He adores our children and was genuinely upset not to be with them anymore. I asked him what we will say and he says that we'll tell them the truth in a few days.
So I gathered them up, told them to say bye to Daddy (which they did very casually, completely oblivious) and took them to the zoo then for lunch. We've actually had a really nice day just our little unit of 4 and I've held it together really well. Got home about 2 hours ago and he's gone of course but hardly taken any stuff with him.
I feel very disappointed and embarrassed. I have lots of good friends around who will drop everything for me but the thought of speaking about it makes it seem so real and I'm a VERY closed book. I also don't want to tell the world before the children know.
Added info. He had a short affair nearly 4 years ago which lead to us rebuilding our relationship and we did really well up until about 6 months ago when I realised the pattern of sneaky behaviour was creeping in again. Went for one session of counselling which was really just setting the scene and he flatly refused to go to the next appointment while we were standing on the doorstep of the psychiatrist on the way in. Doesn't want to face his childhood and shitty upbringing and mental family history. I really believe he is like this cause of childhood learned behaviours - both his parents had affairs/basically fucked up the lives of the 5 boys they had between them and their new spouses. All dysfunctional other than H who up until this morning looked like the model husband and father. We only told 2 people about the previous affair and no one knows what's going on now. It will be a massive shock to everyone, including our families and children.
So he's disappeared off into the sunset with his shiney new relationship and I've got to hold it together until we officially tell the children. 
. And longer term I am determined to break the cycle of deceit and disloyalty which he grew up with and focus on giving my children the most stable and supported upbringing I possibly can.
I know deep down I am well rid, really I do. I am focussing on trying to remember that not looking over my shoulder constantly and wondering where his phone is, who he's texting, what lies he's going to spout next is a relief. But I'm so sad as we really did get on so well and were totally in tune with everything we like and dislike/house stuff/children/money etc etc. I am sad not to be a 'normal' family anymore. Am afraid of the fall out and the pity from people at school and around.
My parents are on the other side of the world and will be INCENSED. They are due over here in 10 weeks to spend the summer. I just don't know what to tell them.
Thanks for listening.
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Relationships
My husband left today to be with OW. (Aus)
romaloS · 01/10/2012 07:48
Don't be frightened - you've got an army of mumsnetters standing shoulder to shoulder by your side 
You can do this and you will do it admirably, honey.
Don't discount getting a script for mild sleeping pills or a herbal remedy such as Valerian to get you through the worst and ensure that you sleep the sleep of the just and wake rested, refreshed, and ready to face whatever the new day brings.
Hi everyone, thanks for all your messages of support. And it was fabulous to hear from you Balthamos.
Today is not going to be easy but I decided that if I hadn't heard from him I would text at 10am to tell him to present himself briefly to tell the children after work today and give him some times after that when he could see them. He didn't get in touch so I sent the text and he replied saying that's a good plan and asking if I'm ok (sure!). Thanks to all of you I decided to ignore that personal question and just told him that I am packing the rest of his stuff and he can pick it up on Saturday while we are out. He hasn't replied to that one!
So, just need to get through until crunch time at 5.30. Totally dreading it. Children being lovely though and will take them to the park this afternoon. In the meantime I have done my tax return and intend to pack with his stuff all the paperwork for him to do his (I normally deal with all of that). He'll HATE it. I really DO NOT want to get vindictive so am trying not to actually be obstructive but sod doing any of his paperwork now!
Whilst doing the tax return I had to check our bank account of course and noticed that he withdrew money at the main seaside suburb here yesterday, looks like he had a jolly afternoon eating fish and chips with Her OF Loose Morals. .
Seems HOLM lived up to her name after her fishnchip meal and he's got no complaints as yet 
but give it time...
Why should you do his tax return? He has HOLM to pander to assist him and he can relax on her sofa imbibing copious quantities of his favourite tipple while she goes cross-eyed over the small print.
Either clear out all joint accounts or take your fair share plus a further generous share to cover the incidental expenses, such as urgent need for retail therapy, that will inevitably arise from his carefully thought out decision to end your marriage.
I see you've received excellent advice from fellow Aussies; if you haven't already got one set up your own bank account, apply for all of the benefits/allowances you are now entitled to, and source a rottweiler lawyer to capitalise on what may be a very brief period of guilt on his part.
At 5.30pm your time I'll be in the Land of Nod where, much in common with the waking state, all things are possible - don't be surprised if you hear my insistent voice whispering in your ear 'don't forget to get the keys off the fucker before he goes'
Before he arrives channel the epitome of sweetness and light, honey, and don't beat yourself up if you feel anything but after he's gone - you can give him a virtual kicking here and we'll happily hold him down for you so you don't miss the target.
Thanks for all your messages. Will reply more later. I assume H will be leaving his office now and coming to tell the children. I am shaking but will be strong and confident for them. What a shitbag . Won't attend counselling despite admitting he does have massive issues but will bowl up and tell his children that he's leaving us all for another woman. I am DREADING seeing him.
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