The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Turning Over Autumn Leaves In Search For Our Own Personal Sobriety

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm mouse and my best friend used to be vodka. We were inseparable at the time, such fun! Wild nights out, wild nights in..... danger, excitement, strangers, not knowing where I was when I woke up, oh it was all so fantastic.....

Not the case for the last couple of years or so, since I found this Bus.

Now, we are practically strangers. Don't get me wrong, I still abuse alcohol and use it to self-medicate which completely defeats all of the work I've put in, trying to see my life through sober eyes but that's just how I do things......

Anyway, that's enough about me so why not come say hello to the others on the Bus, we're all at different stages of drinking, not drinking or complete abstinence (of the drinking kind!)

No-one on the Bus wears judgy pants, nylon bloomers, leopard skin thongs? Maybe...... I wouldn't like to ask to be honest! But we are all here for the very same reason, we can't (or don't want to) control our drinking like 'normal' people do.

If you'd like to see how this all started, why not have a look HERE and read about one of the most inspirational ladies you'll ever 'know'.

You can also follow the threads, one by one, by clicking on the links on each thread towards the end, leading to the next etc......

See you soon x

Yes Mouse it's mia, sorry. I am lurking but still reading and keeping up with you all, just not posting. Wanted to keep my place in the sidecar for our autumn journey though, despite catching Ma's cold.

Happy Birthday Isinde.

Just about to go to bed but just wanted to say that although I don't post on here, I find the support of the brave babes works wonders for me when I have a notion to have a drink.
Two years ago was the start of cutting back my intake and have not yet completely stopped but am now at stage where my tolerance for drink has gone right down. Also I find the hangovers so rubbish that I just think what was the point of that.
I'll keep checking in with you all from time to time but for now I'll say thank you to the bus and all travellers therein. You're shared insight and experiences have given me pause for thought on many an evening when I've thought about nipping out for a bottle of wine.
Also on a very positive note and I don't mind boasting here, but my skin looks really good since I started hanging on the back of the bus!

some good advice from kotinka shouldI.

the only way you'll know is to try. stock the house with wine as normal and drink the way you want to - every other night a spritzer was it? see how it goes, if you can do it and how you feel doing it.

somewhere back in the bus i wrote about how some alcoholics i've talked to felt they drank alcoholically from the very first - that the potential was always there and it was just a matter of time. others felt they drank normally with no hint of alcoholism at all for years and years and years and then something happened to up their alcohol intake over a period of time and they felt they became alcoholic in quite a short space of time.

there are no one size fits all answers.

yay for nice skin toomany - i found the skin around my eyes brightened somehow and got smoother. maybe just less dehydration and toxins.

ooh here's another 'plus' i found out. to lose weight your liver has to work quite hard, it all has to come out via the liver or with the liver's work as i understand it. if the liver is busy with one thing it can't be busy with the other so drinking alcohol can prevent you losing weight even if you're cutting your calories down overall because the liver is too busy with dealing with alcohol toxic-ness to get on with weight loss work.

so in theory giving up alcohol helps you lose weight not only by not having those calories but by freeing your liver to focus on the job at hand properly.

i fell off the bus last night, ladies. a bottle of wine consumed. however, i am back on again today. last night's was a deliberate 'f* it' moment. i am still feeling rubbish with my cold and i had also received my in scope for redundancy notification. i literally wanted to get p1ssed to block it out for a moment and suspend my brain.

don't feel too bad this morning, but woke up with that familiar bleary-eyed, sick feeling, which i haven't missed at all since i have been on the bus.

so back on again today.

hope everyone's snot bugs are abating.

kotinka - sounds like the SS visit went as well as can be expected. i hope the report or whatever you are expecting is kind to you

guggs - been wondering what happened with your dad

Please can I come back on the bus? I can't just have one drink, it always leads to a bottle. Last night I had a fuck it evening and drank a bottle and a half. I hate it. I fancy a holiday for a month in a monastery. :-(

Afternoon babes

I've managed 4 af days this week which is pretty good for the likes of me, so I'm going to de lurk

nono I'm sure that your lapse was just a one off fuck it moment, so just put it behind you. Bollocks to the bottle! What does it mean getting an in scope notice? Does everyone receive one or just some members of the team? Hope you are ok whatever. As for my problem father, he hasn't called but probably will or he may just show up on the doorstep, but he will get the same message whatever he does. Thanks for asking,the babes and about 3 other people in the world know about that!

kotinka Well done for staying strong through the past week, must be very tough but you are right that life is better booze free. Still thinking about you and wishing you the best.

rural have to confess to snorting when I read your remark about the control freak.

Hello to all lovely babes new or rather, new to me, anyway.

Not drinking today. I have lots of supplies of pukka herbal teas, the green tea and lemon one is delicious. I've found that I like making teapot tea, it gives me something special to do that doesn't involve opening a bottle and replaces some of the stupid little ceremonies we (me) build up around drinking that first glass.

welcome shouldI I guess the answer is, if you want to change how alcohol features in your life, then hop aboard. I'm a bit like you, I didn't drink to excess (usually) but liked to have some around and got twitchy if there was none in the house.

BTW I never got hangovers either. Until I went 'dry' for 7 weeks. Then had a few drinks for a birthday - and wham! got a real hangover the next day!! So I believe our poor, suffering bodies get used to coping with alcohol.

dreadfully sad news here today. sick to the pit of my stomach. infants school (where my 2 go) caretaker found hanging in the boiler room at the school today. i lived opposite the guy for nearly 2 years and he was so lovely. i just feel sick and shocked at the thought of it. saw him on monday morning running around with a shovel because the heavy rain had flooded the playground entrances to the classrooms. i had a quick exchange of words with him about it all keeping him busy and he laughed.

NoNo I know how you feel about wanting to get pissed and block things out! How did you feel this morning when you woke up and all the bad stuff was still there? (sorry, I'm not trying to rub it in...) Do you think it really helps at all.... it must be nice to have a brief brain suspension, but does it make things worse afterwards?

Am feeling a bit sorry for myself. Finally booked myself in for a lovely body-massage - and it was great, really relaxing. But I felt old and stiff - I had to keep asking her to reduce the pressure because everything hurt. And half-way through, she asked me to turn over and I really struggled! I know I'm a bit overweight but this just feels like my body is falling apart. My muscles ache and are really sensitive.

I don't know if its just age or possible-CFS-maybe or what. Its really hard to stay sober when I feel NO positive effects.

nono oh my god how dreadful. That is just so sad.

(also for the kids as well, I assume they knew him well?)

oh dear what a sad world we live in. Did he have family?

the kids all knew and loved him. he was a real pied piper - all the kids following him round and he larked around with them. v small school - only 4 classrooms and a hall. he was part of the furniture

he had grownup kids and grandkids

Evening, tis me, Mouse

Well done to those who avoided picking up last night

Here's a Nemo update for those who would like to know, feel free to irnore

We've been to Manchester Children's Hospital today for a pre-op assessment/review on Nemo's cleft palate. It's over a year since they last saw him so we got to see all departments which was ideal, as everyone got to update their own notes on him.

His hearing is worse than it was the last time it was tested there and the guy was pretty hacked off that the Community Team aren't keeping a closer eye on him. I explained that I have tried following them up, as have other Community HCPs..... the only appointment they had near to home was in December!

So we're off for a little 40 min trip in a few week's time to have him retested just so that he remains 'visible' in the system. His low frequency hearing is virtually none existant and his reaction to certain noises has changed since we last saw them but all in all, they want him tested every 3 months.

From an eating POV, they are happy to let me keep trying to get him to eat and leave the NG tube in for now...... the surgeon can work around it which takes the pressure off us both, Nemo and I.

WRT his speech, it's now very apparent to the SALT that he it is being affected because of his cleft and she has said the sooner the cleft is closed, the better. We feel the same so that was great to hear.

The surgeon wants us to meet with the anesthatist to discuss previous experiences (the three emergency admitions in Birmingham when he nearly died and the three emergency ops on the same day following his first cleft op.....) to reassure us I think.

They have also said that they will make sure that I am comfortable, I told them that I can't sleep in a chair like I had to in Brum.... they looked ed to say the least. They asked where I stayed and I said in the parent's lounge because Nemo's bed was given to another child when he was in PICU so I had nowhere to stay.

Anyway, that's (Birmingham) in the past now. I felt much more confident when I left than when I ever did with his old team at Birmingham, today re-affirmed my decision that the move was the right one.

Sorry to go on..... will go and have a read back, catch up in a bit if that's okay, Nemo is signing 'please play' and I need to grab a hot drink, I'm freezing! DH is out and I want him to light the fire (not my fire, I'd rather have a and a few s currently, what with all of this snot!) to warm the house through.

mouse - sounds much more positive

I am drinking tesco non alcoholic sangria juice drink (basically just fruit juice with spice) and it is seriously bloody lovely. Yum yum

Lemon and ginger tea here

Thank you for the welcome :)

I wondered if anyone else has read Allen Carrs book? He is the one that does the Easyway to stop smoking, and has done one that claims to cure alcohol problems. I did give up smoking with his book (started again, but that is also related to the affair, no excuses, just showing the way I didnt cope!) so I thought I would give it a try. Am about halfway through now, been reading it for a week.

The title is "Easy way to control alcohol" and that is really what I am after. In the last year I feel I have lost some control but had never previously had a problem. The thing is, a) it says to keep drinking at your current level until you finish the book unless you are already dry and b) although it says "control" in the title, it seems to be aimed at drying out altogether. I realise that the books are subtle, and not so subtle at times, form of hypnotism/brainwashing, but hey if they work right? But I dont want to give up, I just want to go back to the level I was at before, where I could take it or leave it.

But does it work? does it cure it? Somehow it feels wrong to still be drinking at the same level when i am trying to cut down, but the book insists I should and that I should keep an open mind.

Any experience of this, or advice/opinions?

Thanks :)

May not reply tonight as have to go to my mums (a definite "no drinking" evening if ever there was one, drink is the devils poison and a sure road to hell :o)

Hello lovely babes,

Sober and watching crap tv,wearing my pj's and mn- much better than being off my face. In the bad old times I would crack open a bottle to the Archers theme (well...I'm OLD!) and would be tipsy by 8 when mindless tv starts followed by crashing out at 9.Even worse considering that I used to need to work in the evenings!

nono terrible news- that poor man. Horrible to think how the staff had to break that news to the children as well.
Hi kotinka how are you doing today?
mouse I'm glad that Nemo's team are all working together and communicating. Hope you feel reassured by the meetings today.

joey sorry the massage didn't work out but sometimes massage is strange because it can relax you enough to put you in touch with either your feelings or your energy levels. I tend to need to sleep after any kind of massage and mumble horribly at the therapist because I'm sooo relaxed. I can't imagine that you are old at all! What's that you say , dear? Speak up!

Welcome to atosilis

shouldI I tried the book, but didn't really get it. Mind you, that was a few years ago before I really put any effort in. Being on the bus has been the only thing that's helped me. I also wish it could just be 'controlled' rather than quitting completely. I still want to be able to drink. But don't know if its possible. There are some people on the bus who do controlled drinking, it can be done.

Actually, I was controlling it; I was keeping to a strict 12-15 units a week -and miserable. Obsessed all the time, anxious about where I would buy it; which days I could drink. Slightly less anxious now (I just know its not going to happen) I want to get to a stage where I don't mind not having a drink.

PS. and somebody has given me their cold [eyes mouse suspiciously]

NoNo - I am so, so, sorry for the MASSIVE fuck up of an x-post. I really hope that you realise that I hadn't seen your post sweetheart. What a shock for all of the lovely children, it's a mini communitee in a school like that, we have one in the village here.

Massive hugs to you....... and to anyone else in need tonight.

--------

I've decided to treat myself to some Russell Howard and now the new series of Cookoo.....

I need to 'Feed My Funny' as BBC3 keep telling me

Be Brave Babes, wherever you are....

Saf - I hope you're okay sweets, been thinking of you, you know where I am. Anytime okay? Just shout. I know that this is the shitest time of year for you or rather can be. xx

Night Babes, full day at pre-school tomorrow and a shit load of shouting at 'where are Nemo's appointments for this, that and the other, you fuckers?' type stuff.

He finally gave in to sleep after three stories, little monkey tricked me into it..... DD is now in bed after her shitting twatface of a cunting father (XP) swore to leave her be for a while, lied after only a WEEK and called her and guilted her into talking to him.

He's lucky he is 2 hours away and I have a regular morphine intake. And he knows that, and he uses that too. The good thing is, she told me. She came down and hugged me teary eyed and said she was upset and why. I love that about her, she can let stuff out.

She's strong and pure, real, she's got spirit and fire. She can be strong and gentle too...... I will not let him take that from her. EVER.

Anyway, tomorrow is a whole new day. I'm waffling and fed up with XP but will not let him know it, a text bollocking him could say in his head that 'he wins'.

GGGGGgggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Enough Mouse. Enough. Love to the side-car too, hope you're all water tight in there? xx