Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is size important?

139 replies

advicegratefullyrecieved · 22/09/2012 11:53

I expect I will take a slamming for this but here goes. I have been dating a new man for a while and last night things got a bit heavier than normal and I discovered that he's penis is really small. I mean less than 3 inches and not very thick. I've dated someone before who was small and it played a major part in our breaking up because when we had sex I never felt it.

Is this something that can ne gotten over?

OP posts:
BoffinMum · 22/09/2012 15:22

Personally speaking I would want to know something was in there, otherwise it would turn me off, or be like sleeping with a boy rather than a man.

ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 22/09/2012 15:22

Agreed though worldcitizen, not easy to deal with at all and it is obviously bothering the OP :)

worldcitizen · 22/09/2012 15:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

worldcitizen · 22/09/2012 15:25

X-post Ariel Grin

ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 22/09/2012 15:29

Good points with the X post as well.

advicegratefullyrecieved · 22/09/2012 15:33

Thank you everyone for sharing your thoughts and experiences. It's been helpful to see I'm not the only one that's felt this way but other's have got over it.

I Appologise I'm not sure who but one of you summed it up when you said penetration does matter to me. I feel close to the man, I feel we become one, I feel we melt together.

I don't know what I'm going to do yet it's too important a decision to rush.

Thank you again

OP posts:
worldcitizen · 22/09/2012 15:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

worldcitizen · 22/09/2012 15:37

Yes, I said that OP. And I really feel it that way. And I can imagine many other women do too. Maybe it only becomes truly obvious when facing a situation like this one, then maybe one gets more aware of what is missing and what was really cherished in relationships before. That's at least how I have been made more aware of my own sexuality actually.

ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 22/09/2012 15:37

Sorry, I don't know why I entered this conversation really. It popped up in Active Convos Blush. Apologies. I've never experienced any extremes of willy size, either big or small and my boobs are nothing to write home about.

OP I wish you all the best.

tiredofwaitingforitalltochange · 22/09/2012 15:40

All works better than ever, lucky I got away with it

Glad to hear it, open. I'm very grateful I can say the same. But after I had my surgery nothing 'worked' for a while and it was awful. I completely lost my libido and felt sexually numbed - both emotionally and physically. I felt like I'd lost a really important part of who I am as a woman and I was worried it was going to be like that forever, but it was actually completely psychological and a reaction to having surgery.

Anyway, I won't keep going off thread.

world I have heard that they have to manufacture smaller condoms for the Chinese market.

Ariel, I agree and think some of the comments are couched very harshly and make me feel sorry for this man, too. We take issue with the objectification of women yet some think it's fine to dismiss this man as a partner because of one aspect of his anatomy. It is cruel.

However, the OP is clearly a nice person who is a bit agonised about it, and I agree with world that she doesn't deserve a flaming. Sexuality is deeply personal and what works for us is a complex mix of anatomy (oneself's and and one's partner's), upbringing, experience, and possibly even genetics. Look at the variation in fantasies, styles, pace and techniques that work for different people in bed.

Sex also has aspects that relate to all the senses, visual stimuli are very important for lots of people, not just tactile. Everyone has a right to what works for them. Penis size is a big issue (no pun intended) and larger ones are seen as more desirable in our society, particularly by men themselves. There are probably few men, even those in happy fulfilling sexual relationships who wouldn't take another inch if a genie jumped out of a bottle and offered it to them.

The most important thing is that everyone has a right to desire and seek what works for them sexually without being judged by others. This includes the OP. In society men with smaller penises probably have more to overcome than those with larger ones, both in terms of pleasing their partners and maintaining their own self esteem. It's cruel, but only in the same way as it's cruel that some are born with the set of physical features considered beautiful and desirable in society and some are not.

What really matters is that in sexual matters people deal with others in ways that are kind and decent, while at the same time according themselves a right to seek their own pleasure.

tiredofwaitingforitalltochange · 22/09/2012 15:42

Cross posted with others saying similar things. Apologies for the repetition.

worldcitizen · 22/09/2012 15:53

Ariel it's great you joined in, look how much responses came up!!! Smile

worldcitizen · 22/09/2012 16:01

Great post tiredofwaiting!!!!

Springhasarrived · 22/09/2012 20:31

The best sex I ever had was with a man the smallest penis I ever encountered. I never worked out exactly why but he was amazing and has never been bettered. [embarrassed]. I knew him when I was young and very fit so I suppose that must have gone some way towards compensating, but he certainly did it for me. Grin

fuckadoodlepoopoo · 22/09/2012 21:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

fuckadoodlepoopoo · 22/09/2012 21:12

Ariel i agree with what you are saying.

To those who were comparing it to breast size, i don't think it does compare in the same way but it does completely compare to vagina size (we are not all built the same obviously just like men) and i can imagine the responses if it were a man thinking of ending it with a woman because of that.

worldcitizen · 22/09/2012 21:12

Not right away, but I tried to have some sort of conversation about it and went totally wrong and we tried to talk about it twice more, and I am still beating myself over this and I couldn't talk with anyone about it as I didn't want to confide to anyone who knew him...
I wish I knew better, but I wasn't mean or rude, just so stupid and what I was thinking that he would want to stay friends, I don't know what got into me then.

shouldkeepquiet · 22/09/2012 21:15

OK lets look at it this way. You get to cut a pack of cards, it's stacked full of 5/6/7's the odd 8 and 9 and the odd 3 and 4. You pull out a three - bad luck. You are now 'repulsive' not a real man and make women feel sick.
The comment early on - ' do you think men with short penis's actually know how short they are' - your joking right!!!
Maybe we should just give them all 6 foot of rope and point them to the nearest low hanging branch.
Lets hope some of the posters on here don't have sons with small penis's and watch their bubbly confident young boy gradually realise he is never going to be a 'real man' after finding threads such as this on the internet. You can try and tell him if he's kind, sensitive, supportive funny ect he will be fine but we can see that actually none of that matters to a lot of women and he'll think the rest are thinking that and just not telling him to save his feelings.

worldcitizen · 22/09/2012 21:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

fuckadoodlepoopoo · 22/09/2012 21:28

I agree with shouldkeepquiet.

shouldkeepquiet · 22/09/2012 21:29

I have read the thread, just skimmed through it again - what am i missing exactly?

shouldkeepquiet · 22/09/2012 21:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

adrastea · 22/09/2012 21:53

shouldkeepquiet It seems like this is a personal and emotive topic for you? :( Why put yourself through reading it?

expatinscotland · 22/09/2012 21:56

It matters to some people. It does to me. This would be a dealbreaker because I get off on penetrative sex.

It sounds like it's a dealbreaker for you, too, if you've split with others in the past over it.

Move on now.

Back2Two · 22/09/2012 21:57

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns