Ok I'll bite. I have been involved in BDSM for a long time now and also tried this 'surrendered wife' thing. It;s quite big in some circles. Here is what I have noticed. From both myself and many other women who I know in the 'lifestyle' there is a lot of low self-esteem and co-dependancy. Both I and the women I knows urge to have this sort of relationship, as a full time deal, has decreased in exact proportion to our ability to run our own lives, to feel confident and secure and deal with our issues increasing.
I am firmly of the opinion that being into this lifestyle is ok in terms of a fairly equally valued relationship where there are occaisonal moments of power exchange and control. However the vast majority of people who want this are on a power trip, are unable to relate to each other well and are living in a fantasy land. Who wants to be in complete control of another human being? Someone with little personal power who has narcsissitic tendancies and is on an ego trip.
Also mysoginists who believe women's place is to serve men.
And it can work the other way too. But I've yet to meet a healthy 'dominant' who wants a 24/7 power exchange relationship. I expect they are out there but in my 6 years on the scene and numerous encounters with other men and women and discussion I can point to not one single couple for whom this works healthily who are happy. Not one.
I CAN point to relationships where there is mutual respect, where the powr control fits in with the relationship as a whole as a way of having new experiences and bringing peopoe closer together where both parties are valued equally. But thats a different thing.
Overall? It's damaging and a good way for abusers to hide behind a philosophy in order to get what they want.
That being said there are many good aspects about the BDSM scene which is why I am still involved in it. I just think that any couple who live that 24-7 are fooling themselves they are anything but deeply dysfunctional. I lump this in because BDSM is not all about spanking and so on (although I believe spanking is part of the surrendered wife ethos, i read the book and it was deinfitley part of forums related to it and so on), a lot of it deals with the same issues of handing your personal power over to another person.
I guess there are those rare people who get a kick out of doing everything for the other person and taking the lesser role, but there are reasons for that intrinsically linked to self-worth issues. If someone only sees their value in what they can do to serve another human being and needs all their validation from that then there is something wrong.
And often men will use these ethos' to persuade their partners that their abusive behaviour is acceptable.