Are there any surrendered wives on MN? Anyone who has decided to take a subordinate role?

[petrifiedperson]

NOT intended to be a nasty bunfight, I am just genuinely interested in other people's choices and have never actually met anyone who chooses to live like this.

@vageratops...your neighbour is suffering from domestic abuse.

I thoughts so at first, but the more I speak to her, the more I realise that she seems to be happy, she wants someone to make all her choices for her.

She has quite 'traditional' views though. Thinks WOHM are the root of all evil for example.

I think she would be very happy in the 1950's.

Perfect, I understand. My cousin and I were very close growing up. We always seek each other out now, especially at family gatherings, but usually only chat at a superficial level now. I converted to Judaism, had a baby with another man despite still being married to my first husband, and was counseling director at a family planning centre. She mentions that she prays for me often..

I have a friend who thinks the role of a wife is to procreate and stay at home while the husband goes out and earn the money. What is funny is that her husband doenst earn very much and needed her to work part time and help financially which she wasn't at all happy and kept than sabotaging herself not to hold a job down. Than she got pregnant 'by mistake' on the worst timing ever (they are currently applying for visas). Needs to stay at home because she has such bad pregnancies. She has been in the UK for 2 years but still depends on her H for everything even though she can communicate in English. Her H has been complaining it is such a pressure for him and he would love for her to be more independent but she refuses. We have friends in common - a man who is CM and other n who is a sahp and it horrifies her. She is also very homophobic.

Oh, and thank God I didn't leave him to do all the earning, either. Then we'd really have been up the creek without the necessary.

She's probably suffering from Stockholm Syndrome. By keeping her jailer happy and adopting his misogyny she's surviving another day, mistakes absence of punishment for 'kindness' and has rationalised the whole thing by thinking she's doing it out of choice.

Are they really happy though, or is it just Stockholm syndrome?

My dh would run a fucking mile if I started suggesting anything along these lines. Not only because he wouldn't want to make all the decisions on his own, but because we are friends - this would change the dynamic and mess up all the humour and comradeship and teasing and general adult relationship we have.

I am not here to insult people for the hell of it though, I just do not understand and would like to.

Zoiks, she uses the word submitted. Her husband belongs to a group of men dedicated to this lifestyle, although I cannot remember the exact name for it now..

x posts!

yeah, AF, that's the kind of doublethink they use to justify it.

I went to a wedding a few weeks ago where the 24-year-old bride promised to 'obey' in her vows. The vicar then spent 15 minutes of the sermon explaining how this actually meant, y'know, submitting to her husband because he like, really loved her and his decisions would always have her best interests at heart, so as long as she always listened to him she'd be just dandy.

My knuckles were white on the bloody pews, I can tell you...

I have a couple of fb "friends" who are surrendered and I dont get it at all. one links to this site a lot. DH had to close the laptop because my frothing mouth threatened to blow it up. that does not mean I am surrendered, btw. just a ranty beggar.

This woman is an idiot (I mean, Laura Doyle the Surrendered Wife, not the OP).

She says:

The Basic Principles of a Surrendered Wife are That She:
? Relinquishes inappropriate control of her husband
? Respects her husband's thinking
? Receives his gifts graciously and expresses gratitude for him
? Expresses what she wants without trying to control him
? Relies on him to handle household finances
? Focuses on her own self-care and fulfillment

Except for househould finances (which I think should be a shared thing), aren't all the other points what you would expect of a more or less sane human being?

there is a school of thought that says the "surrendered" wife is actually the one in control

Hah!

I met a man who had secret very extreme BDSM relationships where the woman had to submit to him in all things (don't ask how I found it out-can't tell as too identifying). He was most unsavoury. I wouldn't have shared a lift with him to be honest.

English your friend sounds like a complete bitch, tbh

I wouldn't like her

cynner that "group" of men would be called twats

"control" is a complex issue in relationships.
I don't know any 'surrendered wives' but I know couples where the woman has decided when they will have children and how many, how they will decorate their house, where they go on holiday and where they go for every social ocassion and who they socialise with, what they do all weekend, who their utilities providers are and how their finances are managed.... The man just sort of bobs along... not organising anything and generally doing what he's told... but i'm not sure the wives like having all this control... it comes across as the husband's laziness.

AF,

See, that thing hanging out the front, that men have, that is actually not the brain. Nor was it put there by the Creator as a symbol of authority (the evolution - or creation if you prefer - of penises predated the invention of ceremonial maces, spookily enough). It's only something to do with reproduction. If you don't have one, all you're missing is the ability to piss up a tree. A handy party trick but hardly a basis for assuming natural superiority over half the species.

I know some women who are pretty much surrendered. The only times they can get their husbands to do what they want is by guilt-tripping them into it or by manipulation.

I can piss up a tree

well, kind of same level on a tree

I need to have a very full bladder to get the force behind it though

did I say that out loud ?

"Relies on him to handle household finances"

Oh wait....give him total control of the money?????.... all she has to do is add a song to the end of this material and she could do a summer season at Blackpool Pier as warm-up act for Cannon and Ball.

It says in the Bible (in Ephesians) 'submit to each other as to the Lord'. It IS possible to submit to each other - it means putting each other first. It's an attitude of mind and heart. Being considerate, kind, thinking of each other before yourself. This is making me a bit as I write it because of how often I fail to live up to this.

Yes, Anyfucker, we are in an equal relationship.

there was a poster on here who took great pride in the fact she could get a new pair of fancy shoes simply by giving a blow job

that was nice

I am going off topic now, majorly

Glad to hear it, MM. I think your connotations of "submit" are very different to many of the posters on this thread though.