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Relationships

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Original poster

Why did you get married?

135 replies

FatFaced · 11/09/2012 21:05

Why do people get married? There's someone on MN at the mo being told to give her DP an ultimatum because he's not keen on getting married, there's one woman having an affair after 22 years of marriage and someone else who might leave the bastard because of his drinking.

So why do so many people want to get married? I was always a bit anti marriage - didn't think it was necessary. My DP felt similarly. However I now quite fancy it but I don't know why... Is it the contract? The promise? The wedding?

Just curious really and interested in people's thoughts :)

OP posts:

onemoreforgoodmeasure · 11/09/2012 21:11

I suppose it will be different for everyone, for me I married twice, both times were a mix of what I wanted at the time and an inability to think for myself, a paradox that can only come with youth. When I grew up I realised that I didn't believe in marriage. I am now in the most loving relationship I have ever and could ever hope to experience and it has all the hallmarks of stability and longevity, and we are committed to not getting married. If I'd never married I would probably feel I was missing out on a beautiful celebration and and lifestyle. Fortunately I met my perfect partner after getting that other really lovely (but not for me) stuff out of the way!

coffeeinbed · 11/09/2012 21:12

I was young, I was naive.
I thought I had it all worked out.

EvenBetter · 11/09/2012 21:17

I got married a year ago because I wanted to be more than just a girlfriend, I wanted to be his family, have his name and be his wife...
The vows were to always protect, love, honour and cherish and be faithful which can of course exist in a boyfriend and girlfriend (the word 'partner' makes me cringe, no idea why) relationship but means so much more to me personally when they've actually been vowed, while both welling up :)

balotelli · 11/09/2012 21:24

Because I wanted to.

I wanted to prove my love and commitment to my DP. FIrst one didnt feel the same way and buggered off with my best mate 10 years later.
Swore blind I'd never get married again.

Met next DP after 18 months, proposed 2 months later, married 10 months later (would have been sooner but divorce hadnt come through). I wanted to marry the second because she is one in a million, there is no other person on earth like her and I loved her more every second.

Still happily married 13 years and one DD later and I still love her more every second and still think she is the most awesome wonderful person on earth.

Blurry29 · 11/09/2012 21:27

Pure and simple for me really......I loved him and still do

He was my friend first. He became and remains my best friend and we have been extremely lucky to have 1 DS who is 6.

We will celebrate out 10th wedding anniversary in Jan.

I was quite young (20) and he was 29 an at times it hasn't been easy (lived apart die to forces etc) but we are strong an hand on heart believe we always will be.

So it was genuine love all the way for me.

pictish · 11/09/2012 21:28

We got married after 10 years together because my mum was dying and wanted to see me go down the aisle before she went.
We thought 'no reason not to!'
We had never been that big on marriage - not against it or anything, just not that bothered about it...we said it was something we might do when we had more money.

I don't think it's a biggy tbh.

JeuxDEnfants · 11/09/2012 21:30

I'm not interested in marriage either, although in a longterm committed relationship.

Alurkatsoftplay · 11/09/2012 21:33

I adore my DH but have always felt quite meh about marriage. However, I was a stay at home parent with two kids and knew that marriage would protect me financially.
So v unromantic reasons but I still feel v romantic towards him.

Wheresthedamndog · 11/09/2012 21:35

I still don't know. I don't think either of us gave it enough serious thought tbh. We were just in shock mode post-baby.

We had a child and were planning a second. We were, and are, very happy. But for me, the kids and our commitment to each other is what binds us, rather than the marriage bit.

MNhoneydragonHQ · 11/09/2012 21:37

Dh and I loved each other. I married him knowing our relationship would need work and commitment and felt he was worth that promise.

Roughwiththesmooth · 11/09/2012 21:42

Love, and being pregnant. It makes me feel more secure- no idea why though. We've been married six years, it works for us.

Nagoo · 11/09/2012 21:44

I wanted to be married. It wasn't about the wedding, it was about wanting DH and I to be a family. I'm not religious. It just seemed 'proper' :)

foolonthehill · 11/09/2012 21:45

I married because I loved him wholeheartedly and exclusively because I wanted to make solemn public vows in the context of a religion that I believe in and live by. Bringing others into witness what I(we) believe and promised.

Though it turns out that he was an abuser and I stayed for far too long....never-the-less that was why.

In more hard headed moments if s/he leaves it gives more legal weight and rights to a married (or civil partnership) partner than a long term unsolemnised relationship.

TalHotBrunette · 11/09/2012 21:45

Well for the party and the expensive dress obviously!

Neither DH or I are religious and both agree that our children are the biggest commitment we could possibly make to each other. We just got married as it seemed like the next step really, it didn't change anything between us.

MousyMouse · 11/09/2012 21:48

legal reasons.
we were committed to each other before, but getting the same sort of legal protection/arrangements would be costly and complicated. easier and cheaper to spend 100£ at the registry office.

PrimaBallerina · 11/09/2012 21:49

I can't say it better than EvenBetter.

What she said.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 11/09/2012 21:55

The main reason for me (and dh) was that we had found proper, real true love in each other and simply didn't feel that being live-in partners was good enough anymore to show that to the world and each other. Its a step beyond just living together or having children together. I'm afraid I still don't view couples who are only living together as being as "serious" as a married couple no matter how many children you have. I'm sorry if that offends anyone but I just don't. And neither does the law. Or accident and emergency departments of hospitals - I don't ever want to have to stand and plead to see someone I love who is seriously ill and have to explain that I am not just a girlfriend. "his wife" just shows we are more "together" somehow - we are each other's next of kin.

Neither would I have wanted our children to have a different surname to one of us. We are a unit. A marriage certificate is so much more than a piece of paper to me. I didnt want a big white wedding so didnt have one - we both just wanted the marriage part rather than the wedding. I find it difficult to understand when people say "we're happy as we are" as i take the whole marriage thing so seriously.

Original poster

FatFaced · 11/09/2012 22:09

You're such a romantic lot. Well, some of you!

OP posts:

madbengal · 11/09/2012 22:22

I got married the first time at 21 was wayyyy to young and wanted to escape my parents didnt last

After that I was determined not to marry again but he won me over and we got married after 2 yrs together and it was for love and nothing else

NineCrimes · 11/09/2012 22:54

I married at 19. Fell pregnant to stbxh after seven weeks together and stupidly thought we could make a go of things. He was ten years older. I wanted to marry before dd was born. Looking back, I didn't care one bit about my wedding day, I just wanted to not be in the unmarried young mum camp. yep, young and stupid.

MrsApplepants · 11/09/2012 23:25

Wanted our love and commitment to be declared publicly and legally. Wanted us to be each others next of kin. Don't like the term 'partner' and wanted to be married before having a child. Very happy still!

AnnieLobeseder · 11/09/2012 23:30

I needed a visa and we'd run out of other options!!!

We did love each other and all that, but would probably have got married a lot later than we did if not pushed by necessity.

But the wedding itself was about declaring our love and our intention to be life-long partners before all our friends and family. We had to have a civil ceremony before our 'proper' wedding for legal reasons, but it was that day with family, friends, love and laughter that is our real wedding - the legality of it was irrelevant.

invisiblechild · 11/09/2012 23:32

Legal reasons were the driving force for me. I already had DD (from previous rl) and I'd spent too much time on MN reading threads about women losing their homes when leaving non-married relationships. I wouldn't consider moving us into DH's home without having some kind of legal protection.

I'm not really sentimental though and I don't think it proves our relationship to anyone. If I was in a less vulnerable position (e.g. DH and I on equal salaries and both on house deeds) and didn't need all the various tax, immigration advantages, I probably wouldn't have cared about marriage.

DH is the sentimental one. I don't think he was really aware of all the legal/financial implications, he just knew he wanted to be with me and DD.

MyOrangeDogShitsGoldMoney · 11/09/2012 23:40

Love, pure and simple.

I wanted to be his wife, to say those vows in front of the people we loved. To commit to forever.

He was my whole world, it just felt natural to be each other's family.

We've been separated since he cheated on me last December but I don't know if I'll ever be able to bring myself to divorce him.

Original poster

FatFaced · 11/09/2012 23:52

MyOrangeDog - do you think you'll sort things out? For better, for worse and all that?

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