Why did you get married?

[FatFaced]

Why do people get married? There's someone on MN at the mo being told to give her DP an ultimatum because he's not keen on getting married, there's one woman having an affair after 22 years of marriage and someone else who might leave the bastard because of his drinking.

So why do so many people want to get married? I was always a bit anti marriage - didn't think it was necessary. My DP felt similarly. However I now quite fancy it but I don't know why... Is it the contract? The promise? The wedding?

Just curious really and interested in people's thoughts :)

HotDAMN, if your (one's, I mean) dp does not ALREADY make you feel loved and secure just as boyfriend/girlfriend then in my opinion they are the wrong man for you and you certainly shouldn't enter into a marriage with that person!

To the poster further up who admitted she probably had issues (sorry, on phone and can't scroll back for username£, sod your extended family - take YOUR lovely family (ie. you, dp and the children) off on a nice holiday somewhere (finances permitted) and get married while you are there. You don't have to be the centre of attention of a room full of cousins and great uncles you hardly know. Do it YOUR way!

I am a romantic at heart I guess! I remember a brilliant thread on here where a mnetter just decided to have an impromptu wedding after years of not wanting to bother with it. In the end they did it, just them and their kids but invited a random other mnetter who was in the area to be a witness. And then they posted on mn afterwards that they were now married and it was lovely to read! . If anyone knows who it is, do you know how they are getting on?

I got married for legal reasons in a registry office. I didn't feel any different towards my DH after doing it, and we would've been exactly the same couple not married but preferred to have the protection of it tbh because when the children were small, there were times when I was out of work.

I got married first time round because I wanted children and didn't want children without the security of marriage and also to show committment to each other.
Second time round I felt too old to be referred to as "the girlfriend" by his ex all the time and again wanted the commitment of marriage, plus it made the legal stuff easier with us both having been married before re pensions assets if we die etc.
Having said that if we split up I don't think I'd get married a third time as wouldn't want more kids and the kids I have are old enough that the financial stuff can be sorted out as easily without marriage, plus I don't really want any more inlaws!.

The first time, because my parents applied emotional blackmail about us living together (it's a long time ago) and I was too weak a character to resist.

The second time I thought we could work together to raise children in a happy home. How wrong I was.

I won't either marry again or have any more than the occasional one night stand.

Because I love him and we both thought marriage would reflect our commitment to each other. 17 years later - absolutely no regrets.

Because I loved my boyfriend, because it legalised our permanent commitment and I knew I wanted him to part of my life forever, because it was the done thing, because I wanted my children to be legitimate (old fashioned I know but I almost was), I wanted the security and stability I thought it would bring. My dh wanted the church wedding; I'd have been as happy in the register office. When it came to it I was overwhelmed by the spirituality, promises and deep meaning of the ceremony. I still remember it as one of the most poignant moments in my life when I truly felt utterly before God.

I will say though that I went into it with no doubts, utterly in love, and with few worries about money. 21 years later even if everything is absolutely right at the beginning I would say that making a marriage successful has to be worked at and can be hard when everything is right; it must be very very hard if anything is wrong at the beginning. Ultimately, those promises before God have made me work harder.

legitimate ????

I suggest you look that word up in the dictionary. So children born to people who are not married are not legitimate? In what sense? Not entitled to take their place in the world? Breathe the same air as your legitimate children? Would love your explanation of what legitimate is ..

Get real.

helltotheno I do agree with you but I am 52; my mother was 4.5 months pg when she married and only married because of it. Times were different then and my mother and I were always regarded as not quite respectable (she is on her third marriage) and those veiled snide comments leave their scars.

When I did get married I forgot my "pill" and went to the local GP the night before the wedding for an emergency prescription. The old GP I saw wrote the prescription, laughed and said "you're a bit more cautious than your mother then". My headmistress who was also my mother's headmistress said to me on my first or second day at school when I was 11 "only time will tell if you have more substance than your mother".

It wasn't right but by goodness it made me determined to do things in the right order and make sure my dc didn't face similar nasty fucking comments.

As you were.

Because my DH makes my day to day life better. There's no other reason.

I'm very independent and never saw marriage as an inevitability. Was raised by a single mum who never married.

If your partner does not make your day to day life happier then there is no point being with the,.

Been married just over a year and expecting our first baby. A DD. Team Us will become three. :)

Good question - as the one referred to in the original thread that had the affair after 20+ years of marriage (if 2 one night stands constitutes affair) I can say that my husband is my soulmate and I love him more than I can ever imagine loving any other man. I wanted to have children with him and grow old with him. I respect him, like him and enjoy his company. From this the sex followed I had a huge crush on him in my teens (before going out with him) and then this turned into a great physical relationship. How can i say that after what i just did you may ask. Therein lies the mystery, to me more than anyone.
In all this time I have never regretted marrying him, never met anyone else I wanted to marry. There have been many ups and downs and sometimes he is the person I hate most in the world. He feels the same about me at times too. I wanted to be part of a married couple, I wanted to be conventional and uphold traditional "family values"
These are all the reasons I got married.

marriedinwhite doing things in order doesn't have anything to do with facing down nasty mean-minded bigots. Imo it's far more important to rear your child knowing they are worth just as much as anyone else, no matter what type of family they come from. You're much better off just confronting the bigot. If anyone made a comment like that to a child of mine, I'd be ripping them a new one (which I hope, but doubt, your mother did)...

scorpio not to be harsh, but what type of traditional 'family values' are you upholding right now? Bit hypocritical no? Instilling values in a family has nothing to do with being married or not.

All the legal reasons quoted for getting married will come to bite one partner in the bum if you should get divorced. That's why I won't marry my partner,

Fizzy bee me too

People have different values - I agree that values are not dependent on being married. It is just that I am traditional and do believe in marriage. You are right to say that this is hypocritical in my case. Perhaps I have come face to face with my own behaviour and am deeply ashamed of it it makes me realise even more the importance of those values that I have just broken.

I'd had a broken engagement before meeting dh, and had been very sure, but it didn't work out. When dh and I married, it was a blind leap of faith. We've just celebrated our 35th wedding anniversary.

We didn't want children - which rules out the first reason for marriage, we felt that the 'mutual society, help and comfort that the one ought to have for the other' was the most important despite it being the third reason for marriage given in the service. However, we felt very strongly that if we changed anything, there wasn't any point in getting married in church, so we left it. DD is nearly 15, so we got around to in eventually.

We got married in church, with the 1662 service from the Book of Common Prayer, said. No music. It took all of 6 minutes, and cost £17 in fees.

We wouldn't have felt comfortable just living together, and mil would never have accepted it - she found it difficult enough to accept that we were married.

Haven't yet, will do for legal protection for kids and simplicity with asset transfer etc where we to die. And a nice way to say I love you.

I adore, adore my OH but am a bit unsentimental about marriage itself

Really interesting stuff and lots to think about. Not sure I want marriage necessarily, but maybe I need some sort of gesture to prove to the world that this is the one that will stick.

Whether you get married or not I think is less relevant to whether it will "stick" than the levels of commitment and desire you have to make it stick IYSWIM. Marriage ties you legally and financially it doesn't make your relationship stronger, if anything I'd say it challenges it a bit tbh. I'm in favour of going into things with your eyes as open as can be.

I suppose I mean that sort of public saying you are together, offred. And I really don't care what most people think so it's a bit weird I seem to care!

...on this particular issue.

Yeeeesss, making a public commitment is different and a funny one but can come back to bite you in the arse. I think better to stick with not caring what people think!

Because DH had some money from an inheritance and I had a job. He wasn't prepared to put down a deposit for a joint flat without being married and I couldn't afford to buy in my own.

We quite liked each other too. He is still tolerable.

Because my brother left my SIL after 11 yers and one and half babies together (DS 2 still being in utero) and she (and me via her) discovered that living/having children together doesn't make you the same as married in the eyes of the law if the shit hits the fan.

We already had a little boy together. So despite all my earlier protestations about not wanting to get married agin (had an earlier "much too young" marriage behind me already) I changed my mind and took DH up on the proposals he'd been making.

I consider the marriage to be a layer of legal protection that might come in handy should something go horribly wrong.

I can't say I'm a "glass half full" kind of person, I prefer to plan for the worst despite all the evidence suggesting I don't need to be quite so determined to protect against hypotheticals.

I loved the wedding though. Didn't expect to but I cried and got all emotional.

Legitimate?

As an 'illegitimate' child I feel the pain of it being a proper legitimate person every day

I was born in 1980 and I'm catholic society and have had that hurled at me by the odd person. They are idiots of course. And (now) I could care less.....

LRD- couple's individual debts stay individual whether married or not.

Being married does not make you responsible for your partner's debts unless they are joint debts.