happily married for 20+ years, slept with a man on a business trip, really need help

[scorpiomyrtlock]

This was about 6 weeks ago, I met the OM abroad, we slept together twice and I am due to meet him again next week when he visits UK. I am so confused, meeting him again will mean lying to my DH. I am sure everyone will tell me not to do it but of course I know that better than anyone. I don't recognise myself. I love my husband and there is nothing wrong in our marriage. Neither of us has ever been unfaithful. We have a good sex life with lots of novelty. I don't want to leave him or for him to change. None of this is his fault. Its just that having someone else telling me they find me attractive, etc and a person in my own right rather than just wife/mother/business partner after so long with one person is an indescribable high. I had never been in the position where I had to resist temptation before - I thought I would be able to easily, I was so shocked that I gave in so easily - in fact I was an equal instigator in the affair and in the subsequent arrangement to meet up again. I am sure posters will come on here and tell me to just stop what I am doing. I want to stop but at the same time I don't. Its like a drug that I know is bad for me but I can't resist. I'm otherwise a stable well balanced person (or so I thought) I am terrified that my DH will find out. I haven't told anyone. If you knew me you would think I was the last person to do this. Has anyone else succesfully resisted temptation after being faithful for so long? Literally how do you stop thinking about the OM? I cannot get the thoughts of him out of my head. I don't want to be with him (he is married) and he is totally unsuitable for me. This is driving me crazy. I thought these feelings would go away after a few weeks but they are getting worse.

It is all bottling up and I have no one to talk to. I can't go for counselling I would have to explain to my DH why and as far as he knows I am happy.

@WhoWhatWhereWhen

OP you don't need help but your DH does, he doesn't know his partner is a liar and a cheat. Come clean and let him decide if her wants to stay with you or if he wants to be free to find someone else.

This, tell him to get checked out too

How can you cause so much pain and hurt to someone you say you love, just because it boosts your ego?

Honestly one of the worst threads I’ve read about cheating on here.

And wow it’s old! Who keeps opening these back up?

Looks like it was Royal22 who re-started this zombie thread. Why do they DO that?

You’ve already done it twice,why have you found your conscience now?

Oh FFS 🤦‍♀️ zombie thread

@Royal22 It's been TEN YEAR since this was posted. FFS.

I feel sorry for your husband. Treat others and you expect and hope to be treated. You are a cheat and a liar. Reverse that if he did this to you. How would you feel? The answers if this were a man posting would be different.

Zombie - is she still cheating and lying or been found out...... we might never know!

"Has anyone else successfully resisted temptation after being faithful for so long?"

I get the sense that you need to hear that yes, resisting the urge this strong has been done before, so I am offering you an assurance that it has.

It is okay to feel sorely tempted and reject that temptation because you have a preference to honour your marriage.

In the longer term, addressing what your marriage is not giving you that this temptation might be could be an avenue to explore but for now, delete, block, hold onto the fact that this sort of temptation has been gotten through before, grit your teeth and get there. The STD test suggestion is also not a bad one.

Completely understand how you're feeling. This happened to me at 49. I was/am happily married and I didn't recognise myself. The OM was completely unsuitable and there was no future in it ( and I didnt want a future with him) but I just couldn't resist and couldn't stop thinking about him. DH found out and I was so lucky he forgave me but I still think how I almost threw my lovely settled life away. Google limerance - I think this is what is happening here. You will get over this. Walk away.

It happened, it was fun and now it's over. Don't see lover boy again whatever you do. Don't tell your husband. What he doesn't know will not hurt him.

Whoops - old thread.

‘… for some hot cock action …’

OP said he wasn’t that good!

2012 ffs !!!!!!

… & block him as well.

Do as you mean to go on.

Oh curses, should have gone to Specsavers.

OP is sixty now, probably a distant memory 🙈

Apologies. Slight dyslexia!

@Royal22 Why did you resurrect a 10 year old thread?

ZOMBIE

ZOMBIE

ZOMBIE

ZOMBIE

ZOMBIE

When this is all over, you will regret it for your whole life. When the novelty wears off, and you sober up from this craziness and regain your right mind, you'll feel sick with guilt when you look at your husband. You have done an awful thing. Don't make it worse for yourself or your husband by willingly meeting up with the other man and making what can be brushed off ad a terrible mistake into an intentional affair.

Dyslexia. I read the year as 2021. My apologies.

Giddy hormones speaking. But I think you would regret the rest of your life without your DH/with your children's family life being split apart. Please cancel and just put it out if your mind, the guilt will get you

Op I’ve only read your posts
One thing stood out for me was the rather sordid awfulness of your night together
I’m not judging at all !
But this reads like a mental crisis on your end rather than any Romeo and Juliet lurve

You don’t like this man and you won’t end your marriage for him , unless your husband finds out anyway

But there is an unmet need for you , and it’s worth figuring it out