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Original poster

What do you think?

129 replies

Redcorn · 11/09/2012 09:13

Am I jealous (it's ridiculous if I am) or just thinking about his safety? and we need help...Hi everyone I noticed that my husband has un usual behaviour towards children...He is a good man and a good husband he loves me so much and taking good care of me and I believe I am a good wife too before we got married I did noticed that he is fun of children ( Female)that's why I told to myself he'll be a good father. (But we dont have children yet)

He's 7 years older than me and he is on his own when he was 19 and now he is on his forty's and we've been together for more than 2 years.

He has the tendency to stare at children unconciously specifically children ages 7 to 14, I don't think sexually but if I'm a parent of those children it will offensive on my part...as his wife i feel embarrassed ...I did point this out to him and he said he is not concious of doing this.. I said that he needs to be careful about this and discipline himself because he will be putting himself in danger that people might accused him of something. I believe and I have faith on him but everytime i saw him staring again I feel worried and I get upset as i expect that he is aware and we already discussed this issue and he said He really don't mean it he is a bit defensive at first and he is not doing this... as he admitted he likes looking at people but not offensively ,but again i pointed it out why mostly children? and he said sorry wife you need to help me then if I am staring to them call my atttention. And he said that it makes him worried that as his wife that I am thinking that he is a weirdo...

I don't know I love him so much and I know he loves me too I want to help him but I dont know how , i must admit I am a kind of person that thinks too much into details maybe I am the problem here maybe i just need ignore this and i'l let him to be himself to avoid upsetting each other.

could you please help..

OP posts:
LydiasMiletus · 11/09/2012 09:16

Are you honestly asking if your dh is a potential peodaphile (sp)?
I look at children all the time, does that make me one?
I am also a people watcher and often stare off into space not realising I maybe staring actually at something.

squeakytoy · 11/09/2012 09:44

I am guessing you are not english (or it isnt your first language), and did find a bit of your post difficult to understand, but could it perhaps be that he wants children himself and is just looking at them like most people would, as children playing are fun to watch?

CrackerJackShack · 11/09/2012 10:08

Does he work in a job that puts him in contact with young children? Does he go out of his way to touch or play with kids? Have you found child porn on his computer?

What your describing sounds more like a guy who really wants a child, not a pedophile.

diddl · 11/09/2012 10:12

Does he really stare or is he just looking in that direction & not really taking any notice?

Dryjuice25 · 11/09/2012 10:36

Part of post incomprehensible......but I'm worried that you are worried enough to post here.

Does he have learning difficulties?
Does he want kids of his own?

I am not sure staring as prepubescent girls is appropriate though.
If he was a peodo, which your post seem to imply, wouldn't he try to hide this?? I'm thinking he might have some kind of learning difficulties but why just girls though .......
It could all be innocence though but trust your judgment coz u know him better .

2girls2dogs · 11/09/2012 10:41

I'm not entirely sure your post is any more comprehendable there Dryjuice.

Where are you from OP? are there any reasons you might be sensitive about this?

delilahlilah · 11/09/2012 10:43

Is it possible he has fathered a child in the past and that is the age group she would now be? It's very difficult to work out to be honest.
Are you seeing it, because you are looking for it? Eg if you are trying to have a baby, you see pregnant women and babies absolutely everywhere you look. It isn't because there are more of them, just that you are more aware of them. If that makes sense.

Dryjuice25 · 11/09/2012 10:43

at not as

2girls2dogs · 11/09/2012 10:53

oh, thanks for that, but its your spelling - you must be on your phone, sorry

Dryjuice25 · 11/09/2012 11:26

2girls -Didn't even notice the crap spelling.....God have mercy!

Will try to revise before hitting the button next time ha ha....

Original poster
Redcorn · 11/09/2012 12:36

Hi everyone thank you for your constructive opinions.....
@LydiasMiletus- I think you have a point there...absolutely not he is not pedophile..And i feel bad that i sounded that he is one...no I don't mean that..he does look at children female only.

@squeakytoy: Sorry is my post is difficult to understand I just don't know how to construct my sentences short and precise..& and I'm a bit upset and emotional at the moment we had discussion last night and woke up around 3am...I couldn't sleep. I'm from Romania..maybe your are right he wants to have children of his own he likes children especially 7-13 as they can be cheeky..

@ CrackerJackShack -Hi before he does involved in a club or a group of young children and I did pointed this out to him and I honestly said that I am not comfortable and he did respect me and he stopped. I never saw any porn on his computer and he is not keen of any porn he is a good man and a decent man I must say...and I think you are right same as the others that he wants children of his own..the only thing worries me is why just girls in this age bracket(7-13)Thanks.

@Dryjuice25- Hi thank you for being so kind even you don't fully understand my awful grammar but you still so kind to give your opinion well appreciated...I don't think he has a disabilities I don't know but he is single for a quite a long time before we got married.He doesn't have any children... I know him for quite awhile before we married as he is the best friend of my good friend... I never think he has disabilities or pedo..all I'm worried about if other people would notice this and might accused him of something if hes not care. I want to help him...and as I gathered from his family that he does like children since when was young( he is the eldest of 3 boys in the family)...and we have a neighbors in our previous house that has a 2 children (girls ) and he's close to them and the children adored him.

@delilahlilah- Hi ..it does make a sense to be honest I want to have children and this might help him...and before we had an issue that he puts himself in a vulnerable position of taking his friends daughter to school before and picked her up after school as they leave 5miles from us he was asked by the mother and fair enough they trust my husband but for me it's inappropriate that my husband will be alone with young girl on his own in the car...and the annoying that my husband doesn't realized he is putting himself in danger all he cares is to help and he is happy of doing this..I trust my husband but I don't trust other peoples bad thought.

OP posts:
delilahlilah · 11/09/2012 12:37

From your last post, I think you are looking for a problem. Giving a friend's child a lift is very normal where I live....

Original poster
Redcorn · 11/09/2012 12:40

Dryjuice25- Yes I am worried of posting it here...I just joined in you see..to be honest I don't know what I'm doing...

OP posts:
Original poster
Redcorn · 11/09/2012 12:47

Hi not here there are so particular of children's safety and the girl is grown and once my husband mentioned that this girl might have a crush on him...

OP posts:
CrackerJackShack · 11/09/2012 12:53

Redcorn, were you by any chance abused as a child?

Honestly, to me it just sounds like your DH wants a little girl of his own. Not so strange really, lots of men want daughters. Especially given that he's in his 40's. Men get broody to! :)

Original poster
Redcorn · 11/09/2012 12:57

Nope ...My dad and Mum raised me well with love...Thanks for asking and I think you are right. I just need to stop this silly thought of mine. do you think i will just ignore if him if I notice that he is doing it again?

OP posts:
CrackerJackShack · 11/09/2012 12:59

I would just ignore it. I don't see how what he's doing sounds harmful. Everyone stares at kids, even men, because they're kids and they're cute. Also, I'd probably consider getting pregnant sometime soon. ;)

izzyizin · 11/09/2012 13:08

How old is the 'young girl' that your husband will be driving to and from school even though she lives with her parents some 5 miles away from your home?

And is this the same young girl that your husband mentioned may have a crush on him?

If your husband were simply broody or anxious to have a child of his own, I would have expected him to be cooing over infants and talking to you about having children.

What I wouldn't be expecting him to do is stare at 7-14 year old girls to the extent that you have noticed this behaviour.

Where have you found him staring at young girls and how often does this occur? Do you live near a school, park, beach, or a place where children gather reguarly?

tethersend · 11/09/2012 13:39

Agree with Izzy, I would not be dismissing this at all.

Saying a child has a crush on him rings alarm bells, particularly on top of what you've already said about staring etc.

We can't tell you if he is a paedophile or not; but I can tell you that to have a child with somebody you have such concerns about is A Very Bad Idea indeed.

runamile · 11/09/2012 13:56

Alarm bells are going off big time especially now you mention the lift for the girl. How can a previous poster say where they live it is normal for an unrelated man to give a young girl a lift to school? If you're worried op there is a problem! I think too many posters in here are giving you right on messages but his looking at young girls is not normal behaviour.

Original poster
Redcorn · 11/09/2012 15:33

Hi everyone...thank you again. @izzyizin: the girl is around 10-13 I guess...this is the same girl that he is saying that has a crush on him (maybe) for the update he stopped taking her to school as I pointed it to him long time ago because it worries me so much. This is where it all started that I realized how he can be close to children and children likes him too as he is so nice and sweet as I said he can be a good father...

We did talked about having children and we both wanted to have children and actually one of his worries if he can make me pregnant as we are trying for more than a year now. I found him noticing when we go to the beach when we go shopping anywhere where there is children with this kind of age...I don't want to be look like checking on him every time I want to give him freedom and trust him but I am scared I don't know how to help him as according to him he is not aware that he is doing it. We are not near to any school or any play group but he likes be involved in this kind of group.

OP posts:
Original poster
Redcorn · 11/09/2012 15:37

I know it's not a normal behavior that's why it scares me...But i have a strong feeling that my husband just need guidance and help as he doesn't think that this is in appropriate it might sound silly but he can be ignorant on this kind of area...he is so positive and he doesn't care what other people will think and say. But I do especially when it comes to his safety.

OP posts:
delilahlilah · 11/09/2012 16:24

It's hard to judge because you are adding information as you go along. runamile it's normal because people have friends who do one another favours, they don't have to be blood relations. There isn't a paedophile around every corner. That's like saying a single Dad who has a DD shouldn't be allowed to have other children over to play with his DD, or your sister's boyfriend / partner can't give your DD a lift because sisn't a blood relation.

You didn't mention the crush before - that casts a slightly different light on it. Different people are clearly getting different perspectives from what you are saying, but potentially he could have an unhealthy sexual interest or it could be that you are seeing something that isn't there. Without seeing the behaviour or knowing the person it is hard for people to give you accurate advice. Do you think there is anything you have left out that has made you worried?

LydiasMiletus · 11/09/2012 16:31

So you say he is definitely not a peado.
So what are you worried about?

izzyizin · 11/09/2012 16:36

Is your husband also from Romania or is he UK born?

My wonderful hairdresser comes your homeland. She's a small, slim, brunette as are most of her Romanian female friends. Are you also of a small and slim build?

Where did you meet your dh? Was it in the UK or another country? Has he been married before?