What do you think?

[Redcorn]

Am I jealous (it's ridiculous if I am) or just thinking about his safety? and we need help...Hi everyone I noticed that my husband has un usual behaviour towards children...He is a good man and a good husband he loves me so much and taking good care of me and I believe I am a good wife too before we got married I did noticed that he is fun of children ( Female)that's why I told to myself he'll be a good father. (But we dont have children yet)

He's 7 years older than me and he is on his own when he was 19 and now he is on his forty's and we've been together for more than 2 years.

He has the tendency to stare at children unconciously specifically children ages 7 to 14, I don't think sexually but if I'm a parent of those children it will offensive on my part...as his wife i feel embarrassed ...I did point this out to him and he said he is not concious of doing this.. I said that he needs to be careful about this and discipline himself because he will be putting himself in danger that people might accused him of something. I believe and I have faith on him but everytime i saw him staring again I feel worried and I get upset as i expect that he is aware and we already discussed this issue and he said He really don't mean it he is a bit defensive at first and he is not doing this... as he admitted he likes looking at people but not offensively ,but again i pointed it out why mostly children? and he said sorry wife you need to help me then if I am staring to them call my atttention. And he said that it makes him worried that as his wife that I am thinking that he is a weirdo...

I don't know I love him so much and I know he loves me too I want to help him but I dont know how , i must admit I am a kind of person that thinks too much into details maybe I am the problem here maybe i just need ignore this and i'l let him to be himself to avoid upsetting each other.

could you please help..

I'm worried of his behaviour that he might be in trouble in the future if he is not going to find a way how to stop this...

@delilahlilah-I can't remember anything that I have left out that made me worried...I just feel bad every time he is doing this...I feel disrespected that's all. I will try maybe to ignore and this and just trust him..I don't know

@izzyizin- Uk born..and I am slim yes...and he hasn't been married before I am his first,true girlfriend( his got a girl friend (just for 3 months) and wife...

I am not hysterical about paedophiles and don't think there is one around every corner. Also I know that most abuse is carried out by blood relatives. What I mean is it is unusual for a man in this situation to give a child a lift regularly to school. I would not let my daughter get in this man's car, would you?

Please don't run away from your thread and please don't ignore what your instincts are telling you.

You have noticed that he has a worrying trait; namely, that he stares at young girls even when you are out together and he has continued this behaviour even though you have drawn it to his attention.

This would suggest that he has a compulsion to look at young girls of a certain age and I share your opinion that he may find himself on the wrong end of the law, or the wrong end of a parent/carer's fist, if he continues.

For a man to reach his 40's without having married or having been in long-term relationship and to have children of his own is not uncommon, but it's uncommon enough to be remarked on, if you see what I mean and I'm wondering how much you know about his past life and where/how he spent the before he met you.

Does he work? If so, does his work bring him into contact with children?

@izzyizin- He does work...but there is no children involved in his job. You are making a point here...I've known him for almost 4 years but I live with him for a year...

runamile I mean that the OP stated that it was a friend's child. The friend obviously trusted him. Thing is, the most common thing you hear is that someone would never have suspected 'X' person of being a paedophile, because of the nature of the crime. If he is as overt as the OP is saying it seems out of pattern iyswim?
Do you see much of any of his family OP? Do they talk about his past?
izzy your last post was very good. I wondered where this man has been to have only one gf by his age is quite unusual.

Has he been in his present employment since you've known him?

Are by you any chance small in height - i.e. less than 5.3" tall - and slim?

When you say in trouble, how do you mean?
What trouble are you worries will occur?

Hello Redcorn
I too would take your own feelings very seriously as they are there for a reason.
I would also put away all thoughts of having children of your own with your husband until you have satisfactorily resolved your worries.
There is no way on earth you should carry on feeling disrespected and accept this as your lot.

You have repeatedly said that your husband stares at girls between 7 and 13 only, I think this is strange, it doesn't constitute having a liking for children generally. His assertion that a young girl has a crush on him is also strange.
I don't think it is your job to "cure" your husband of his habit of staring at this particular age group and to force yourself to "trust" him...
It may well be that your husband is totally innocent but you have to trust your instincts. If you didn't have anything to worry about at all then you would not have posted here in the first place. Even if it is just your feeling disrespected, this has to be addressed between your husband and yourself.

Hi Everyone thank again...

@izzyizin:Yeah his been in his job. Then I'm not that short around 5'4 not too slim. I don't look like a girl at all if that's what you mean izzy but thanks for askin I know where you coming from and I like your last previous pist you have a very good point...

Hi

I'm worried that if other people would noticed he can accused of sexual harassment that he fancy kids...anything..

feelokaboutit- I like your point too...You are right maybe it's quite frustrating for me as i forced myself to trust him and to resolve his behaviour.

Just clarify the he didn't assert that the girl has a crush on him my husband got this message from his friend and their singing club that this girl might have a crush on them(including my husband friend and he is got children of his own) so the annoying is that my husband knew that this girl "might " as its not confirmed maybe the girl is too sweet or flirting with them ...I don't know how my husbands friend came out from this realization..so my husband knew that this girl might have a crush on them ...and he did still give the opportunity for the girl to like him more by giving her a lift to school and being close to her and to her mother(divorce) ... stupid isn't?

feelokaboutit-so that the brief history of where all this worries started ...

When i open it up to him that I am not comfortable of him taking the girl to school on his own in the car...he kind of defensive and firmed that he is not doing anything wrong and he just want to help as the father of the girl doesn't have time with her (maybe he feels sorry for the girl as her situation is not that easy as her parents are divorced) so it seemed that he took the responsibility..it's fine if he is single but he is married now...he has his own responsibility. It took him more or less 3 months to stopped and to realized that I am right ... as he sees that it's bothers me so much I become so emotional...even Its against(maybe) his will to stop and not seeing this family he stopped for the sake of my well being and our marriage...now because of this incident ... I started to noticed that he might really fancy girls of this kind of age...and the staring issues came out ...and I lost my trust on his choices

but I must admit that I still trust him as my husband in general...maybe most of you will dis agree or agree but I know my husband is not paedo...his just maybe bloody kind and doesn't care what others will think and say ...and he doesn't care about his safety and that's hurts me ...

Well I don't like to sound paranoid but I think bad feelings like this don't just come about for no reason, or because you are "jealous". What I wonder is, what was the trigger for you getting to the point where you felt you needed to seek advice about it after you have been together for a reasonably long period of time. Have a think about that OP and see if you can explain it.

Usually a man who is into children in a big fatherly-type way will be relaxed and interested in children of all ages and both sexes - not just girls aged 7-14.

What does your husband say about being single for so long? As someone else pointed out, it's not that unusual but it's uncommon.

You say he is the friend of a friend and that's how you met him. How did your friend know him?

Had he always worked in the same kind of job/for the same employer?

Does he spend a lot of time on the computer?

OK I just read your last post. Do you think he has only started staring at girls since the incident with the friend's daughter and the lifts, or do you think he was doing it before and you just didn't notice?

Hi olgaga

I don't know if I am jealous for me its ridiculous that I will be jelly with 13 years old...I don't know it triggers about the lift thing and him being close to this family...

Yeah I met him because of my friend they knew him each other since there kids..so trust that he knows my husband well...and there a good friend and there family and when they get older they worked in the same place..he doesn't spend a lot of time in the computer and he is not even interested with sex movies ...

I think he was doing it before and I just didn't notice it...

I did remember that my friend mentioned that he always like children since before or close to children I don't know exactly what gender but he likes children.

Is your friend male or female?

Male

Trust your instincts here OP. What he does is not good, not good at all.

So what do you think is the best thing to do ...He is aware now and he said that he is sad that I am thinking that he is a kind of a weirdo...I told him my conscience is clear that I am not thinking that he is kind of a weirdo but what it worries me and I did emphasized is that this is not normal behavior and he has a worrying traits that even I have drawn it to his attention and still he keep on doing it ( thanks izzyizin i used some of your words and it's very helpful for me as you know if we woman gets emotional we can't say the right word that we want...)

...I want to have a children with him ..I believe he will be a good father maybe this will help so that he will understand what I am trying to say about safety
and he will take seriously and he is married and he is not single anymore..that he will seriously our married life...

...I want to ask your advice I don't like the feeling of stopping him what he wants to do or what he enjoys like; seeing this girl and the family...he stopped seeing them because of me even though he will say it's his decision but still he wants to see them as he always says that there are a good friends and she is a good kid ..I don't know do I let him to see them if he wants to? and not to react at all? I just need to trust him again...maybe his genuine of helping this family ( but i just don't want him to give a wrong impression to anyone and to the mother..that he likes to be with them than being together.)

Maybe if i will gain my trust in him it will be back to normal and I wnat him also to feel that I trust him and he is free.

I am not desperate to be with him I don't need him but I want him I want to spend the rest of my life with him.

@delilahlilah-just noticed your question about if I am seeing or known his family yes I am close to his family and they loved me so much...and thankful that I am with him as he is bit lost ...he saying good things about him..that he is a good man loving and kind..and his family is well respected too but I must admit he is not keen of family gathering before for him friends are more important but gradually he changed...we see Mum more often and family at least twice a month...

When he talks about wanting to see these friends are you included in that? Or does he just want to go and see them on his own?

I'd find it a bit strange if he wanted to see them but only on his own.

I'm also surprised that a grown man, knowing a teenage girl has a crush on him, would want to continue to see the child anyway. Most men I know in those circumstances would steer well clear, at least for a while. They certainly wouldn't want to be giving them lifts to school.

agree...if he is a grown man ..but he isn't really annoying isn't?and that's exactly I am expecting him to do when he noticed that the girl has a crush on him true or not still if you respect your wife or marriage you won't...

and I think he wants to see them with me too but he is a bit worried that I might get upset..but he is firmed when I asked him do you want see them? he said No! I am not bothered now...