What do you think?

[Redcorn]

Am I jealous (it's ridiculous if I am) or just thinking about his safety? and we need help...Hi everyone I noticed that my husband has un usual behaviour towards children...He is a good man and a good husband he loves me so much and taking good care of me and I believe I am a good wife too before we got married I did noticed that he is fun of children ( Female)that's why I told to myself he'll be a good father. (But we dont have children yet)

He's 7 years older than me and he is on his own when he was 19 and now he is on his forty's and we've been together for more than 2 years.

He has the tendency to stare at children unconciously specifically children ages 7 to 14, I don't think sexually but if I'm a parent of those children it will offensive on my part...as his wife i feel embarrassed ...I did point this out to him and he said he is not concious of doing this.. I said that he needs to be careful about this and discipline himself because he will be putting himself in danger that people might accused him of something. I believe and I have faith on him but everytime i saw him staring again I feel worried and I get upset as i expect that he is aware and we already discussed this issue and he said He really don't mean it he is a bit defensive at first and he is not doing this... as he admitted he likes looking at people but not offensively ,but again i pointed it out why mostly children? and he said sorry wife you need to help me then if I am staring to them call my atttention. And he said that it makes him worried that as his wife that I am thinking that he is a weirdo...

I don't know I love him so much and I know he loves me too I want to help him but I dont know how , i must admit I am a kind of person that thinks too much into details maybe I am the problem here maybe i just need ignore this and i'l let him to be himself to avoid upsetting each other.

could you please help..

olgaga, I like your opinion what do you think the best word to say to him that he will realize that he is not respecting me by doing this that i believe he didn't mean to hurt or to disrespect me he is just enjoying maybe the feeling of bachelor tingy... a teenager has a crush on him..

how and what to say to him without sound judging him?

I'd just tell him he's acting like a creep OP and if it didn't stop I'd be gone.

Mind you I'd already be gone and he'd have been reported.

ClippedPhoenix- I did think that once and I think I did ssay that to him..and he was scared maybe that's why he decided nto to see them ...but still bothering as I am not convinced that he let go of this...

Sadly OP, people do not "let go" of sexual preferences OP

...he never see them for quite awhile now...but why is still bothers me...that's why everytime seeing him staring at children it comes back what he did...

HOe can I make him realise and stop without threatening him or judging him? he is trying his best though but isn't good enough...still bothers me maybe i will just give him space and let him see this family specifically the girl ...again maybe it will bring my trust on him or it will make it worse? I want him to let go of them from the the bottom of his heart not because i get upset and leaving him or get emotional that he doesnt like ...

one more thing I just remembered before he gives a lift to this kid and he will bring him to swimming after school with the consent of course of the mother...imagine how ridiculous is that...he is not thinking he thinks maybe he is the super hero that can sve this girl from wanting a father figure ...I odnt know!haaaaaaaaaaah deep breathe ..and thi si stopped too..and ii keep on saying this to him ...and why he dos bring her to swimming? ohh immature tho

*bring her I mean to swimming

I don't see this as you being jealous of a 13 yr old so much as you having a legitimate and understandable concern, based on your observations of your h's behaviour when he is around girls aged 7-14, that he will behave inappropiately with this young girl and consequently will find himself in serious trouble with the law.

You've drawn his behaviour to his attention but it seems he hasn't stopped staring at young girls even when you're out with him, which makes me wonder what he gets up to when you're not out with him.

Other than acting hurt and implying he's sorry you think he's a weirdo, has he given any explanation as to why he stares as young girls?

Can you please clarify something you said earlier with reference to him having worked with children and then stopped at your instigation... did I read that right?

Was he working with children full-time or at an after school/weekend club but stopped this employment when you asked him to? If so, when was this?

Has he been working for his present employers since you've known him i.e. for the past 4 years?

Hi OP.You don't have to answer to this (might get flamed for this ), but here goes;

1.Does your DH sexual turn ons involve dressing up as a school girl?

2.Does he prefer/insists on/requests/ask you to have clean shaven intimate areas?

1. Apart from lifts, does he do her any other favours/bends over backwards to help her?

Only raising this up as these are some of the hallmarks and traits associated with man who have inappropriate relationships with young children.

Also, does this child feel awkward around you...well if she is old enough to fancy him (as per previous post) even though she is still a child, assuming something inappropriate is going on, she would find it uncomfortable to be around you if at all you are in contact with her????

By the way my ex is from your country....and was soooooooo lovely!

izzyizin thanks fro the message..in regards in working with children he never been working with children but he goes to a singing club with children and adults and this 13 year old is part of the group...

So he no longer goes to the singing club?

Has he given you any explanation of why he stares at young girls?

..I don't know I am confused ..I know it's a weird behavior thats why it bothers me..but I am sure that he is not peado* it's threatening me somehow that our relationship wont work because of this ..I odnt watn that to happened..I did asked him about starin gwith this children in this age and having a tendency to be closed to them..he said he has got an ability to go that level of age and to communicate with them well, he likes them as they are can be cheeky and I must say every child that knows him (girls most) adored him so much...

Dryjuice25-

1st question -I dont get the question dryjuice to be honest;2nd question: he never asked for me to be cleaned saved he doesnt bother really...3rd question: aside from lifet he does but as a family that involves the mother he became close to the mother so originally the girl and my DH is friends then when the Mum noticed that my DH is a nice man and like helping her child ofcourse what you do expect ...so he offers different kinds of help like going in htere place for tea or excahnging things from us to them kind of that...then about the girl good point..i met her twice and the girl is looked uncomfortabble having me around and he normally cahtty and sweet to my DH but that time she is so quiet and doenst talk at all( I gathered this from my husband and her mother) 2nd time i saw her we bump into festival he just looked my husband and said hi and never ever looked at me...

*sorry clean shaved-I mean dryjuice

izzyizin-nope he stopped...but it took him more or less two months to realized this from the time Ive raise this issue....and he did say because they are cheeky and maybe sweet...And he said he likes children of his own..

Dryjuice25-Yes I agree guys from my country are loving and loyal ..thats why I feel bad as I have a plenty of choices maybe not better than him but I am sure they dont have this kind of worrying behaviour

You're right to be worried. It is worrying behaviour and I'm worried too, especially about the possibility of you having a female child with your h.

How long has he been employed in his present job? Has he had many jobs?

You've said that he was 'on his own' since he was 19... do you mean that he left home at 19 and lived on his own until he met you and, that as far as you know, he only had one girlfriend before you?

You've also said that you have a friend who's known your h since they were children. Has this friend been in continuous contact with your h since they were young or has there been any time when your h hasn't been in contact with your friend, say for a few months or a year or so?

Ist question clarified:

Some people like to dress up during intimate/sexy times to act out sexual fantasies eg as nurses, pirates, etc which is fine. Some people like to dress up as school girls which is also fine..... but not fine if an old married man ogles on real life prepubescent girls, insists on contact with them at the expense of their partner's caring concern and ....then has school girl fantasies......which could also be "fine" ....but wouldn't sit very well with me considering everything else iyswim??

It sounds like he is not into this, which is sort of reassuring, as you would have understood the question if he was into that sort of thing. Anyway, this was just a thought....its not like I'm an expert in this area lol

I wonder why she is "shy" around you otherwise it sounds innocent to me though...

DH would be asking you to dress as a school girl ....and its a massive turn on for him

I must disagree Dryjuice as I find nothing reassuring in the OP's answers to questions raised so far.

Paedophiles are invariably cunning in the extreme and they rarely act out their fantasies with their dws/dps or any other sexual partner unless they are of the anonymous paid- variety and are far away from their home location.

What the OP has said about this 13yo girl's behaviour when she is around could be an indication that she has a crush on the OP's h, but it may also be an indication of something far more worrying.

Totally agree Izzy. Not sure you realize I did point out that the girl's behaviour around OP is odd hence leaves more to be desired!!!! And I also said "OTHERWISE" apart from that to me, the man could just be like a nice cuddly uncle....not totally inconceivable IMO.

Tbh,I'm just taking tentative cues from ops precarious gut feeling although the whole picture on this is a bit murky, I give him benefit of the doubt. There could be a thousand reasons why he is that weird. I do admit being uncomfortable with some of the aspects of op postings don't get me wrong..

Maybe in the future the girl/someone else will be on mumsnet/elsewhere seeking counselling if anything untoward is happening to her.... And op will be vindicated for thinking this... who knows. Or it could be all innocent.

I commend this investigation too...ffs I have girls of my own...

I really don't see paedophiles on every corner but ....

this man sounds like he is grooming, or has groomed, this family to get access to the teenage daughter

he takes her to her swimming lesson ?

there is no way an unrelated man should be taking a young girl to her swimming lesson

no way he should be spending time alone in a car with a child that "has a crush on him". Really ? Methinks 'tis the other way around. If only for his own protection. His word against hers should there be any accusations ? Sorry, I would take hers....

I can understand your concerns, OP, but I would be so disquieted by them I would not be seeking the opinions of anonymous MN'ers

I would be examining this man very closely indeed and not looking for ways to excuse and explain this frankly very dodgy behaviour

izzyizin Thank you for your concern...But if you will ask me about having a child (girl) from him I am not worried ...for me it's one of my hope for him to be disciplined as he is a father and he will realized that if anyone man (old weird man) staring his little girl he would be upset and crossed too..so he will get the message as he is a father too and she will have teenager and I'm sure he doesn't want this to happened to his girl.

His been employed for 3 year now before 9 years.. he is a hard worker and very efficient..yes hes been on his own around that age and until he meet me and his got only one girl friend not that serious.