Honey traps leading to kinky fuckery and other dating adventures (No 21)

[KirstyWirsty]

I want to know what Nicholas's tip was ... and the last thread was full!

Could I have some advice re dating protocol? I have been seeing a man 3 weeks, 4 dates and stayed over twice including most of last weekend. He calls daily, we get on and I like him but am cautious.

Unusually for me as I'm old but not prepared to settle, I'm meeting another this week. Now, do I say anything if first man asks directly? We have not had the exclusive conversation and if we did I would say I'm not ready. Before this I've always operated on the basis that after a few consistent dates it is kind of assumed you like someone enough to stop looking. Ironically, I would be put off if he said he was meeting others . I don't see the point in saying anything when most first meetings with a new date come to nothing anyway but I would find it difficult to lie outright. I'm his first internet date btw so he's no idea what the deal is (yet).

Basically it's all bollocks

Scatty, that's so true!

My date cancelled on me tonight. Thats the second time . I might just not bother again. He is a bit thick.

I am meanwhile back in my comfort zone exchanging flirtatious messages with a scaffolder who describes himself as 'a bit of rough' and thinks I am beautiful :)

ScaredofPeas meanwhile put the following gem on his FB today

'Men, don't go down on one knee for a woman unless she goes down on both for you'

Why on earth am I even the slightest bit interested in him? stupid sex hormones

I've name changed btw, going to keep this separate from my usual MNing

LadyGD, don't say anything, no need to. Dating without the exclusive chat is just dating, and it can be a bit of a minefield. You might find he is doing the same and be bothered by it suddenly, or he might have been thinking you are a couple 9even without the chat) and just be all offended and dump you

'exchanging flirtatious messages with a scaffolder who describes himself as 'a bit of rough''
understand the attraction to the scaffolder types Sponge..but dont you find you pretty soon want to shoot him down every time he opens his mouth on account of his 'primitive' viewpoints and tendency for black and white thinking :o

(not sayin he aint worth getting jiggy with mind )

lol @ scaredofpea's..how dumb is that!

do not cast your pearls before swine....

That's what I was thinking lubey, I know he isn't doing it currently but we are both open about going on the site so he could do any time. It just feels a bit wrong.

Thanks for the instructions. It's great how confident you lot seem, you seem to know what you want, and anyone who falls short of your expectations doesn't have a chance. Seems much better than worrying about conforming to the bloke's idea of his perfect woman.

I think it gets a bit addictive going on dating sites and checking winks and messages etc - probably not a good thing really. I wonder if some people find it hard to give up even when they have found someone, just for the flattery or the possibility that someone even better is there lurking behind a profile on PoF.

LGD, I think until you've had the conversation, it's assumed you're just 'dating' rather than in a relationship. For me, though, if I was in a sexual relationship with someone, it would feel wrong to date other people whether it had been discussed or not.

Now, we've established that Snape won't make the first move, in spite of much nagging encouragement, so we're going to have to work on pm. We need to persuade him to look at Snape in a different light, he has to stop seeing her as a sisterly friend (cos shagging her as that is just yuk), and see her as a potential girlfriend. This is the aim of the 10 point plan, but I think we might need to ramp it up a bit. That's when I run out of ideas.

Unbridled, I'm not sure confident is true - in my case it is more like blind optimism most of the time! but I do think that the men I message should think I'm their perfect woman, and if I'm not it's their loss

Western, I think maybe that depends on how long you've been going through it, at first it does probably seem a novelty but after 4 years trust me I would be only too happy to get beyond date 1 and actually NOT have to keep looking online!

I've found it a bit addictive/compulsive at times, and the attention is sort of fun/flattering.

After a while I find I've just had enough and the thought of meeting another bloke I dont fancy for coffee and brain numbing chat makes me want to chew my own leg off.

As for conforming to the bloke's idea of his perfect woman...thats never gonna fly:o

Hehe

I cant help wondering if this:

' he has to stop seeing her as a sisterly friend (cos shagging her as that is just yuk), and see her as a potential girlfriend'

is ever possible?

I mean if you had a male friend who felt like a brother would you ever be able to switch into wanting to shag him?
or would he always be in the 'eww no that'd be like incest' category

my brothers a scaffolder ! lol I hope it's not Him your talking to .. he spends half his life off shore and the other half jet setting :( he has no gcses and is on higher pay than me... I had to do 5and a half years at uni to get to my salary :(( not fair..

oh western wind... my friend got addicte to checking for messages. she would get an email notifying we she had a new message so would fi in to check it out of curiosity and then her new bf saw she'd been online so he dumped her eventually.. she should have just shut it down!

Unbridled, now you're getting it. And if I didn't feel like that, I would steer well clear of dating sites, because the rejection you inevitably have to get over would be soul destroying without that confidence to protect you. In my head I liken it to walking into a bar, and asking out (or expecting to be asked out by) every good looking bloke in there. Some of them won't ask, some I ask will say no, so I toss my head and think 'Your loss, matey'.

fayster that's how I feel but would not have given it a second thought in my past. No idea why I do now.

I probably wouldn't have the date with the other guy LGD. Not for any 'goodness' reason but if I liked both of them I'd be in a tizz. Also, if it was a baring date I'd feel bleugh. But I probably wouldnt tell him outright either. But that's just me.

Sponge. I have a thing about scaffolders and men who do that kind of work.

I'm not that confident and I have chronic low self esteem but recently its got a bit higher despite rejection. This thread has made me realise that we all have similar stories to tell.

The profiles that get my goat are the ones with the man straddling his sports car and a little,note 'if I don't reply it means you are not my type'. Ugh

Fayster. Yep. Dead on.

Lots and lots of extremely kinky fuckery now arranged for Saturday night. Yippee!!!!!

I was bored last night.. logged in POF to be nosy again and two newbies were there.. messaged them both and they've replied so have a little chat going now.. ones a builder and the other is nhs but won't say exactly his job yet. and has private photos so I hope when I see it he's not a potato as you all call them lol

Calling Snape and all you daters for help on getting ready (mentally and physically) for shagtastic weekend ahead. I'm not going to say how long it's been since I last had sex but it's several years so I am a bit apprehensive though very up for it. What if he hates my mummy tummy and other not so good bits? Haven't undressed for anyone new since 1993!!!!!

I am going to have a drink to steady my nerves beforehand I think (just a small one) but any other help/advice much appreciated.

I am dead excited about this but nervous too. He's seriously lovely and I just need to calm down and enjoy it but am finding it hard to take my own advice.

I heard the snapephone! :-) could we maybe rig up a serachlight with a groovy cut out on it (maybe a tardis?)

I know it is very very easy to say, but you will be fine. honestly, truly. It's very easy to get all low self esteem/self deprecating about this, what if he doesn't like my....ankles....what if he wants to play strip twister? has the ettiquete changed since 1993? it is nerve wracking.

however, i presume you have chosen to have sex with someone you fancy-the-arse-of-off? I take it he is a decent chap who likes you for you and not just your lady-bits. He wants to have sex with you. He really really wants to have lots of sex with you. Because, without having any idea what you look like, I can categorically state you are gorgeous. No man ever put his trousers back on because of a mummy-tummy. have a drink, hell, have a couple! soft lights, nice underwear (not that it will stay on for very long...) take it slowly, enjoy it. Sex is a wonderful thing when done properly. you don't forget how to do it, just be brave and most importantly love yourself (no, not like that..) because having the confidence and attitude that he's a lucky bugger to get a glimpse of the old mum-tum will stand you in fine stead.

mini update, interview went....ok. didnt get a pervading feeling of doom, or triumph so we'll see.

no 'good luck you'll do fine' from the prof.

multiple, lovely messages from PM including last night the assertation that he's a 'twat' so I am enjoying asking him why he is a 'twat', obvious answer being 'because i made a terrible mistake in telling you I didnt fancy you two years or so ago and can we have lots of lots of sex please, i love you, let's get married!'

gym with pm at 4.30 instead of batman should find out about the job either later this afternoon or tomorrow.

Fingers crossed for you - I hate the waiting bit so at least they're not keeping you hanging on for too long.

Thanks for your words of wisdom. You are so right. He's a lucky man to get me (and I think I'm lucky to get him too) so all the basics are there for it to be seriously good!!

WW - what snape said - drink, nice underwear, soft lighting are all good but basically don't worry, feel good about yourself and enjoy! And I am saying all this from recent experience. Was with my XH for 18 years. Am not in bad shape but definitely have a 'mummy-tummy' and other bits I could live without and have had some fabulous orgasmic confidence boosting experiences with new people in the last few months.

snape - hope it's good news about the job! I've decided to change tacks on the job front. Since i seem to be getting nowhere applying for jobs I'm vastly overqualified for, I applied today for something that would be a bit...ok, a pretty massive...stretch but figure if you don't ask...

I'm not overwhelmingly worried about the job, it would be nice (& squads more cash, but then I'd lose child ben and tax credit, so it will even out..) but my current job is amazing and i'm very happy here. very lucky in that aspect of things - it's a temporary promotion dealing with a policy area that i'm really interested in and I could achieve a lot for folk - it would look good on my CV, and be an ideal opportunity for substantive promotion, but if i dont get it, I've still got my fall-back job. :-) I want my kids to look up to me as a 'force-for-good-in-the-world' so that would be the best thing about getting it, but not overly fussed. :) I think it's absolutely right to go for massive stretches. told my line manager i lied elaborated my way through the interview and he said that was fine becasue everyone does that(!)