DH hit me in the face last night and he's not sorry.

[Blackberryinoperative]

My DH hit me in the face last night while I was breastfeeding our baby. He is not sorry. He says he has "forgiven me" for our argument, why can't I forgive him?

I told him he is not forgiven. I am really angry at him but the worst thing is he is not sorry. He doesn't think he was wrong. He did it because I told him to fuck off three times. He warned me to stop saying it but I carried on. He says swearing in front of the children is just as tantamount to violence as hitting.

I am not a weak person or an apologist but I really am nonplussed as to how to take it from here. Separating will be hell on earth. Not because we are so in love or anything but just logistically things will be a complete nightmare. How do I make him see he was wrong to hit me? And that swearing sometimes does not a bad parent make?

There is no excuse for your DH hitting you. Period.

However, I have a feeling that there are two sides to this story.

I have never and would never hit anyone, but if my DH were in the habit of hitting and otherwise physically hurting my babies, I can imagine giving him a good whack to (1) ask how he likes it, and (2) tell him to pick on someone closer to his own size. That would no doubt be the end of our marriage, but there is a limit to how much I can witness my children being physically abused by their father.

It sounds like that is where your DH is coming from. Your repeated "Fuck you!"s must have helped, too.

Your poor children

I am getting very upset now so I'm going to leave the thread for a while. I dont know what I wanted you all to tell me, I know it's bad.

In fact, text it so it is on record.

I didn't used to like how I parented, I would shout at the DCs and lose my temper, the majority of the time though I was trying to stop them misbehaving to the level where their dad would choose to get involved because then we would all get it in the neck

he would ignore, ignore, ignore -then explode and as a result of their 'terrible behaviour' he would not talk to them (or me) for days on end and withdraw kisses & cuddles etc -it was horrible way to live for both the dcs and I

and then I got him to move out (after he smashed up the living room with no regard to what he was destroying)

my house is now a happy one, it's full of laughter, my DCs can talk to me, we play games etc
yes they still play up (sometimes) and yes it's not as tidy as I would like (I work full time with 2 dcs, something has to give) but it so much less stressful

get him out, your stress levels will go down and how you react to the dcs will change -I can guarantee it

logistics are tough at the end of any relationships but it's not a reason to stay in a damaging relationship

Well done, MN!

Well done. Not your finest hour.

"I knew it was the end" -- oh I know that feeling. Hang onto that, because it's true. You can't go backwards now.

One step at a time. Tell us the obstacles to either A) calling the police or B) getting him out voluntarily, and maybe we can help.

I feel sorry for my children too cote.

x posted with you OP.

I was in an unhappy place when I lost my temper and hit my children. I'm not excusing it, AT ALL and if I had my time to do it all over again instead of losing my temper I'd have lost the hopeless husband.

What steps do you feel able to take today OP? Can you give WA a call do you think?

The only obstacle is me dreaming bohemian, I am ashamed of myself. I am hiding our problems under our nice family image. I am a fraud.

This thread is the Relationships section at its very worst.

The OP obviously needs a lot of support and help right now, she sounds like she's in an awful situation, barely coping, possible self esteem issues?

Does she get support?

No, of course she fucking doesn't. She gets a bunch of the usual suspects - yes AnyFucker I'm talking about you - giving her sarky fucking comments and shrugs because she won't/can't follow their "advice" immediately.

No understanding, no sympathy, just the usual one-size-fits-all stock response then a virtual "fuck you" when the OP doesn't feel she can follow it straight away.

Its vile.

I'm so sorry if the thread isn't helping, I hope you will stay and keep talking though, if you feel up to it.

Great post from workshy. Read that over a few times, that could be you someday!

Logistics are hard at the end of every relationship, as she says, but they are manageable in the end (otherwise everyone would be in awful relationships).

ABitWobbly I have no problem leaving the thread at OP's request, since she made it so politely < ahem >

but from you ? Who do you think you are ? Get off my case.

Im shocked at this thread tbh. Since when did we skirt over the fact that the OPs DH HIT HER and seems to think she deserved it (sound like every other abusive DH?)

FFS how many people have lashed out and smacked or sworn at their children or is everyone on this thread suddenly the perfect parent 24/7 and never made a mistake? This OP was assaulted FFS. Pot, kettle, black on MN today.

Dear OP, there is a limit to what any human can rationally cope with. You have a baby you are bf, a 7-year-old who is probably playing up a bit because she feels jealous or left out and a totally unsupportive prick of a DH who thinks it is better to undermine you than support you.
Who is the adult here? Your DH and if he is hitting you and because of your stress causing you to lose it with your DD then sort him out first via police, then you will be a much better place to rebuild your parenting skills for the DCs. All I mean about the SS is that if your daughter says anything that causes alarm then school will have a duty to tell SS who will want to find out what's going on. Their duty is to protect your children and if they see the above scenario and you being honest and saying "I'm finding things a bit hard because DH is a twunt" then they will try to help you.
And on here you will find loads of people ready to give you support from a distance. But I think what is coming over very clearly is that the hitting should be an enormous wake-up call to change things drastically.
You are several huge steps ahead of H in that you recognise the problem and want to explore what to do.
Use that bit and the advice on here. People are being realistic not accusatory.

Attacking th OP is going to make her withdraw from a place where she tried to get help. If you can't help, please say nothing else this situation will get worse for the children. So please, think twice.
OP hitting you in the face is quite a high level start up - Has he hit you before?

No you aren't, you are a person with integrity, feelings and tremendous honesty. It takes a big person to admit what you did.

Just don't react, but think things through coolly. Can you describe what your fraudulent problems are?

What is H like? What attracted you to him? What did you find frustrating? How does he deal with conflict? etc.

cakebump , support the OP in the way you see fit

starting a bunfight with other posters is going to help, how ?

i 'm kinda with AF on this one and people do need to calm down.

I'm sorry if I'm being brutal, OP. I'm not trying to upset you. I'm just trying to get you to see the seriousness of the situation, and that you can't, mustn't, try to minimise it. You CAN change things. Really, you can. It won't be easy but it's entirely possible. No one should be getting hit in your household. You can draw a line and be an inspiration to your DC. Start thinking about how you can achieve these changes. Talk it over with someone in RL. Look in to how you'll manage financially when you separate. Start taking control and making plans. Take care x

I'm not going to start a bunfight and for that reason I will leave this thread alone.

Time and time again though, the same thing from you, AnyFucker.

Good luck OP.

Can we please stop the fighting? Let's just leave it alone. The thread is the OP's and she's asking for help.
So can we try and give help and support. It's all well and good to sit in judgement and criticise but it isn't going to help. We're not on AIBU....

sorry x-post

Your husband is the one who should be ashamed. Okay, fine, maybe you've done a few things badly yourself, but at least you feel bad about them and want to do things differently. And I really believe without your husband around, you won't struggle with things like this.

Do you feel like things like this don't happen in 'nice' families? Is that feeling so strong that it's keeping you from calling the police or seeking help?

Have a look on the Stately Homes thread and you will see that abuse happens in all kinds of families. It's nothing that you should feel ashamed about, or think that you're a fraud.

The key thing is how you act to change things. I think doing nothing and sweeping everything under the rug is the absolute worst thing to do and it will destroy you.

I think your feelings of shame and guilt will be alleviated by action. If you do nothing, they will only get worse and worse.

If you don't feel up to calling the police, at least try calling Women's Aid, or going to the GP to make sure your nose is okay and to find out what options you may have for counseling (for you, not joint).

Good post dreaming

That's a bit dramatic cakebump. There was plenty of advice and support, the op misread a lot of it I think and got upset about things that weren't actually said for instance social services taking away her children and her being the worst mum in the world. I feel really bad for her but she's been very aggressive.

cakebump if you don't want a bunfight, don't make your sole contributions on a thread attacks on other posters

just a thought

if you want to support an OP, speak to her/him