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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

just want to get this off my chest..

641 replies

KurtWild · 25/08/2012 20:38

Long time lurker, very occasional poster...getting straight to the point DP (DH in a few months time) works away 3 out of every 4 weeks and is becoming increasingly crap at staying in touch. It's night out after night out for him when it used to be he called me straight after work for a quick hi how are you and DC, then later when DC (three under 3's) were in bed he'd call for a proper chat...it was great to think he made that time to keep the connection going, I felt like part of his life even though he was miles away, felt like he missed us etc. Now I feel so low down his list of priorities to the point where I don't think I'm actually on it at all!

Don't get me wrong, it must be boring as hell sat in a hotel room but to be out til after 1am every single night? And a few times these last two trips he's been out all night, no call at all just a text to say he loves me and his phone is dying. Is it me or is this taking the piss? Not to mention the cost at London prices... When I bring it up he says I'm being needy and he works hard does he not deserve a social life!! I'm not saying that, I'm just saying I miss the calls, the goodnight texts..I miss feeling like part of his outside life. I do have a life btw, friends, family etc and work part time from home (run ragged I am lol)... so it's not a resentment thing I just feel like its increasingly becoming out of sight out of mind and it bloody hurts.
I keep bringing this lack of communication up and he says he'll try more and does it for a few days then it falls back to bare minimum. I think I'm beginning to flounder, I hate feeling like this. For those in relationships where the OH works away, are they in touch quite a bit? Maybe it's me expecting too much? I don't know anymore!

OP posts:
KurtWild · 07/09/2012 17:32

Yes definitely do your nails!
Not really had a problem with sibling rivalry tbh..they're pretty good at sharing (so far..) I try and make sure everyone's getting what they need at the same time so no one's waiting on the other and feeling over looked or getting impatient. So far so good, but maybe when they're teenagers... eek..

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 07/09/2012 17:57

I have a short crop, like Michelle Williams

am a mouse, with blonde highlights

and although I am rather a die-hard feminist, I also have a serious love of nail polish Smile

blackcurrants · 07/09/2012 18:02

:) yeah, when I collapsed into bed last night I thought: And this is while DS still adores me. How am I going to cope when it's all "I haate yooou" and "whhhy can't I have an xbox" or whatever?

I expect I'll just get a thicker skin :)

KurtWild · 07/09/2012 18:03

AF you sound fab.. all this talk of nail polish, I may have to raid my mums now! You guys are all ace! :)

OP posts:
blackcurrants · 07/09/2012 18:08

AnyFucker I can't get nail polish to sit for 2 minutes on my fingers without chipping, but I do like to have naice colours on my toes. Spend about 4-5 months of the year in flipflops or sandals here, so it does make a difference. I haven't had time in the last few days, so I'm looking forward to a bath and toenail paint tonight. While I can still reach! I remember treating myself to regular pedicures after about 32 weeks, last time around, as it was too bloody uncomfortable to do myself!
[not that expensive over here, honest. Am not a WAG]

Midwife99 · 07/09/2012 18:37

Blackcurrants & AF - nothing cheers a girl up like a pedicure!!! Kurt - you are being amazing!! Grin

KurtWild · 07/09/2012 18:41

Good for you Blackcurrants.. I had those acrylic nails fitted once..looked ace..but can you dress a squigly baby or change a nappy in them? Nope. I had to prise them off Shock
Aw this has been fab, just chatting and taking my mind off stuff. My mum thinks you're all great, btw so Thanks from us both X

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 07/09/2012 18:43

I am blessed with nicely-shaped nails of my own which I keep relatively short because of my job, so I don't bother with falsies

kurtsmum you are pretty damn fine yourself Smile

Midwife99 · 07/09/2012 18:45

And clearly I can't have acrylic talons either but have good short nails too. BUT I have a pedicure every other month all year round!!

AnyFucker · 07/09/2012 18:50

< crosses legs at the thought of a midwife with long acrylic talons >

Midwife99 · 07/09/2012 18:53

Yup - doesn't bear thinking about does it?!!! Grin

KurtWild · 07/09/2012 18:54

Never had a pedicure.. I'm clearly missing out here...

OP posts:
Inyourhippyhat · 07/09/2012 19:08

Hi Kurt, I have only just spotted your thread. How badly you have been treated! You have found out in time not to marry such a childish, selfish man. You sound like a lovely mother and so lucky that you have such support from your DM and DF. Take heart, take care

blackcurrants · 07/09/2012 19:15

Kurt you sit in a big comfy chair with magazines while they soak, scrub, and lovingly moisturize your feet and ankles, then then clean, trim and paint your toenails. It's luverly. Put it on your list of 'important recuperative events' that you need to do before Christmas! :)

I'm not such a diehard fan that I walk to pedicure appointments in flipflops through the snow (though I knew some!) but it's odd how much pretty toes improves my mood.
I definitely keep the fingernails trimmed and plain too. I happen to have small hands and long fingers (about the only 'elegant' thing about me apart from my analytic wit, of course) and so don't have to bugger about with fake nails. They just look tooooo much work!

[slattern]

KurtWild · 07/09/2012 19:24

Thanks inyourhippyhat :)
Ooh Blackcurrants that sound lovely.. I think you're right about putting it on my to do list! Oh the fake nails were awful, I need to be hands on!! Didn't half hurt getting the buggers off! Never again!

OP posts:
snuffaluffagus · 07/09/2012 20:41

Have you tried shellac Kurt? Good for lasting nail colour or a French manicure but it's just gel rather than a false nail. I'm getting them done tomorrow!

KurtWild · 07/09/2012 20:58

Snuffal.. I've never tried it but after the fiasco with the acrylics I got a bit put off tbh..maybe I'll have to look into it again..have a lovely day tomorrow!

OP posts:
Bossybritches22 · 08/09/2012 12:01

Morning Kurt

Hope your ex is not playing up & sneaked back overnight. Chin up for any discussions, (tomorrow i think you said?) are you taking your Dad with you for backup? Even if he stays in another room so you can talk in private, just would help you feel safer I would think?

Whatever you decide, stay firm and know you are doing the best thing for yourself and your lovely DC's.

Midwife99 · 08/09/2012 16:33

Yes pedicure - my top pamper treat too! They even file off all that pesky hard skin! Mmmmm!

Auntienokids · 08/09/2012 21:39

Hi Kurt, just wanted to say good luck for tomorrow. It sounds like the support you have received has been really theraputic, it will stand you in good stead especially for Sunday. Be strong and just keep all the positivity with you. PS. Pedicures are scrummy , my favourite part is getting into clean sheets at bedtime, my feet feel like marshmallow, all pink and squidgy.

BerylStreep · 08/09/2012 21:54

Good luck for tomorrow. Your P may be happy that the wedding has been called off, but he needs to remember that he is still responsible for 3 little ones, and their mother. Hope it goes well. Try to keep your cool.

nuckingfackered · 08/09/2012 22:03

Hi Kurt, hope that you and your lovely babies have had a good day. Just want to let you know that i'm thinking of you and to wish you luck for tomorrow. Don't let him try to lay the blame at your feet, remember he is in the wrong here. You have been amazingly dignified and mature throughout.

Also I agree with everyone re pedicures. I have one every month as a treat. Minx is fab for feet but not hands. Shellac also great and doesn't chip like polish x

arthurfowlersallotment · 08/09/2012 22:06

Hey Kurt, good luck tomorrow- stay strong. Remember you have MNetters behind you :o

CremeEggThief · 08/09/2012 22:37

Best of luck! Think about how much stronger you are already. Xxx

Plinkityplonk · 09/09/2012 08:09

Morning Kurt. I am delurking to say I hope today goes as easily as possible for you. Throughout this all it has struck me how dignified and strong you have been and your goodness shines through on this thread. I hope he realises just how unfairly he has treated you and your little ones & he is man enough to admit he has behaved badly & treat any arrangements you make fairly.