I'm quite happy with a jar of Branstons

[LouP19]

Morning all.

Talking of Toast Toppers, he took 2 tins of that as well. Yes, really.

My pantry is now full of Heinz cheese ravioli and Tesco sausage and beans.

OMG lissielou!! What did you do? Pour soup in his lap or just enjoy watching him sweat during the meal?!!

watched him sweat. then, right at the end, as he was paying the bill I said, "I'm really glad that I have high enough standards to have not slept with you, despite your, rather inadequate, best efforts" turned to his wife and said, "do you live at 100 abc, in town? because thats where he took me. I have a friend who is a solicitor, I can give you his details"

I felt so sorry for her.

I am sure he got the fright of his life when he saw you though lissie.

As for men leading double lives, I know two men who manage a tourist attraction and every year they spend all summer shagging the student girls that they employ. Their wives and children both live in the next town, despite having worked here for years

They are very well known around here for their 'exploits', so I expect that they prefer to have their playboy lifestyles in this town and the family man lifestyle in the town they live in. They disgust me.

he did. he was like this throughout the (5 course) meal. I made sure that I handled every stage. I felt it was important to maintain quality service.

Poor wife though. :(

I know. it was a very smart restaurant, and she looked so happy when they came in, then you could see it getting more and more uncomfortable. I sometimes wonder if she did get rid. I hope so. he was very charming though, took me to some lovely intimate (read, secluded) places and sent flowers etc. I had never had a boyfriend who wooed me (iykwim) I was always taken to pubs and gigs. he really pursued me and was most put out by my "rule". which, I was very grateful for.

Lou, I hope he will see sense and not come to the house anymore, either to harass you or take things; and he should keep paying the bills until he is no longer required to do so i.e. there is a new legal order in place, or they are not his responsibility after the divorce.

I'm glad that the cats are well and that you seem happier today.

Good to hear the solicitor's letter will soon be on it's way and hopefully you're feeling much more empowered and in control in various areas (which XH will hate by the way by lack of knowledge and contact).

XH's parents text much harder to read now, especially with the very likely continuance of lies and spinning of stories he'll be doing to them. After everything, he will still firmly believe he's the victim in all this and it'll be exasperating and frustrating for you trying to get the truth believed or find out more facts.

I think I might put a 'Beware of the Dog' sign on the gate/front door and get one of those gadgets that bark when activated - just to gain a greater sense of security, but it might upset the cat if it goes off!

If you're up for more reading on narcissism, there's some good books around. One I'd recommend is 'Narcissistic Lovers - How to cope, recover and move on' by Cynthia Zayn and Kevin Dibble. It's easy to read and not so 'academic' as some I've waded through! It can provide some more 'lightbulb moments' and help you find some answers as to the 'Why?'.

Here's hoping the weekend is a peaceful one for you. Can you grab an afternoon nap if the 4am awakenings are sapping your energy?

Hello Lou,
I'm so pleased that you sound a bit more positive today, I think you are right about FIL, he is at the bottom of your list of prioritories at present.

The letter to Chutney-chappie must make you feel that you are getting some control back, but be prepared for a disappointing or combative reply from his solicitor, that is how this game is played.

You already know that he does not have your best interests in mind, only his own self seeking agenda. So rest, stay calm, eat as much ravioli as you like, stroke your cats and gather your strength.

Take care.

"but be prepared for a disappointing or combative reply from his solicitor, that is how this game is played."

I know I'm probably very naive, but this is the bit that will really upset me. We've been trying for 3 years to get pregnant. Been under the fertility clinic. All that. And he knew how much I wanted this. I really really hope there's some ounce of decency in him that at leaves gives me a bit of time and space before he starts playing nasty.

Given him track record that isn't very likely though.

Un-lurking for my first ever post (after years of lurking and not posting) to say
strong Lou - whatever you decide is right for you and I'm sure the MNcollective is behind you all the way!!

Stupid phone - should read STAY strong Loup

Hi Lou. I'm sure it will be upsetting but in the grand scheme of everything you have coped with so magnificently & with such dignity & courage,it'll be one more step to your complete freedom from this man.

You have such strength of your own & can take yet more strength from the people supporting you both here and in your real life. The solicitor stuff is unfortunately something that he has made necessary,try to detach yourself from the situation - his solicitor doesn't have the full story & is only working for him for money. Maybe they will find it too morally reprehensible to represent him once it all comes to light... Have no idea if that's a possibility but it would be so satisfying,wouldn't it?!

ALL that I did, and it still felt like banging my head against a brick wall because it was always about him. I knew this, but lived in denial, and hoped one day the 'Empathy Fairy' would cast a spell on him and he'd change.

Yes. Very sadly, that is what living in the world of a self absorbed person is like. I always was sure that 'if I explained it right' he would 'one day' get it.

I must have been mad. Deluded certainly!

And the shopping comment made me very sad, that is what my H says, you mean there really are men out there that can give???

Dear Lou,
Since you began these threads you have consistently appeared strong and resourceful, your kind nature and sense of humour have seen you through some dark days, so you will cope with whatever Chutney-chappie's solicitor throws at you.

It will be alright to be upset, because it is sure to hurt, he could not have picked a worse or more cruel time to indulge his fantasy. But you are supported and surrounded by love, and you will get through this.

Be kind to yourself.

Sorry Lou, I should have put quotes around your comments. But well done for starting to see the real him, it has taken me a lot longer.

I know I'm probably very naive, but this is the bit that will really upset me

Try not to take it personally. I know that's really hard but they have a job to do, based on whatever crud chutney has told them.

OhDearNigel is right. Try not to let his solicitor's reply upset you. I have kept most of the letters that I got from my exH's solicitor, and some of them are humdingers. At least you will learn from it which way he intends to play things and you now have a competent solicitor to counter everything. Just because he bares his teeth doesn't mean that you are going to get bitten. Don't know if I've missed this, but is Babylon going to have another go at locating him?

Did the solicitor mention all the stuff he's nicked from the house er, assets he's removed?

Jux yes

Lou, I have absolutely nothing of value to add, but am one one of your Autstralian fan club who are rooting (snigger!) for you all the way!!

Who would relish the thought of being his solicitor?

He's not really giving them much to work with.......

I did wonder if he'd give them that list of my 'pros' and 'cons'.

The one he presented to me to justify his leaving.

The first thing on the list? I didn't trust him enough.

It's laughable. Almost.

This twunt really is the gift that keeps on giving, isn't he?!

I pity the OW, she has all of this to come....

How is he going to spin having both a PG wife and a PG mistress?

His sol letter is going to be a bit, erm, short on blame.....