Lou
I?ve followed your story from day one (even logging in last week from Greece!). I have been astounded by the way you are handling this turmoil and have the utmost respect for you.
You are so calm and together when it comes to communication with him ? a skill I wish I?d had when I?d discovered my ex-husbands affair.
I wanted to share something with you about my experience. I had a 3yr old and a new-born baby (weeks) when I discovered my husband?s affair ? there had been no warning and to say I was bowled over was an understatement. However, after a rocky 6 weeks I found the strength and filed for divorce, only then did he drop to his knees sobbing and beg me to stop. This is when I?d found my inner strength (girl power?) and the more he begged the more strength I got, I was 28. Over lunch with my brother one day he struck a chord ?the only person that is going to look after you, is yourself?. Whilst on maternity leave I took a career break, applied for a 3yr full time degree and graduated with a 2:1 in Law.
I wanted to share my experience as honestly as I could; it wasn?t easy with two young children, especially a new born. Sleep deprivation, constantly on the go, being pulled in every direction BUT the one overriding factor that got me through it was the amazing support from my parents, which I can clearly see you have. They helped at night and in the day and on holidays and throughout my study ? sometimes only emotional support but either way they ?rock? like yours do.
Fast forward 12yrs ? I have any amazing 15yr old daughter, well balanced, intelligent, popular and a great friend! The new-born (who never slept) is now a loving 12yr old son who is the apple of my eye (but don?t tell anyone!).
It wasn?t easy in the early years but with strong family support and determination it is possible. I am now a 40yr old very proud mum. I have an ex-husband who confided last year what a massive regret he carries, how he used to lie in bed every morning with no reason to get up, who never opened presents on Christmas day with his children and how if he could turn back time he would. Incidentally he did go on to marry the women but it?s clear he regrets his actions and isn?t happy. Sorry to ramble, just wanted to share it with you, try to give you a different perspective.
As a side note ? I got the house and all the equity (guilt is a great thing) and he pays a few hundred pound a month?.probably covers 1-2 weeks shopping!
Have I any regrets? I thank the lord every day that I discovered what a cheat he was and when I heard his sobs when I rang to tell him the decree absolute had come through ? I knew I had made the right decision. Incidentally, I am now remarried and have a 6yr old daughter to add to the brood, there is life beyond, whichever route you take.
Keep up the strong outer skin, keep up the minimal contact, I can assure it will be killing him. You are doing amazingly well???.and I have so much admiration for you.
You rock!