The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Still On A Sober Holiday, Waiting For The Summer!

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, Mouse

I'm one of the Brave Babes on the Battle Bus, it's HUGE and never gets full, the doors are always open, 24/7, every single day.

We're a mixture of people who have been drinking for most of our lives and in one way or another, abuse(d) alcohol.

Some of us have stopped drinking every day completely and are taking it One Day At A Time.

Some are trying to control their drinking with medication, willpower, AA, some of us aren't quite sure what we want or where we're trying to get, but we're here, we're all in the same boat Bus, and there's a seat for ANYONE who wants one.

You can find the previous threads HERE and where this Bus first started it's journey, thanks to a wonderful lady, who'd hit rock bottom face first (and she'd admit that to us herself), seeking help and advice from a bunch of 'strangers' on an internet forum........

Come have a peek, take a seat, we don't bite or judge. We listen and will try to help, best we can.

Morning, feeling slightly saner

rural and kot day 5 ? wow. rural you sound strong. The problem with 1/2 a bottle is that I can't seem to move on from where I've got to,I have a few af days then 1/2 bottle, repeat. Well, I'm just going to keep trying to break the pattern.

hi mrsm well done on day 3.

carrie we can do day 1 together if you like. I have some drinks or teas for tonight and there is no alcohol in the house.

Re: toddlers, yup sleep deprivation sucks beyond all suckiness. he's damn cute and that's a bloody good thing otherwise toddlers wouldn't make it through to school age I was crying and stomping about (not near him tho) while the screaming went on last night. Little blighter packed it in immediately when I snuggled down with him. I'm just going to let him sleep with us for a bit.

Perhaps I should be made of sterner stuff then I could say no to the booze and the Toddler?

morning all

ma can you find a way to pay for the first term? they may have payment plans where you pay a monthly fee if that is more manageable. i'd say find a way to get her in there - once she's in she can apply for hardship loans and such and also once she's in she can defer - so if you haven't got the money for the second year at least she's banked year 1 and can take a year out to work and earn some money and go back if you see what i mean? what about grandparents? she'll be entitled to student loans that would normally just be to 'live on' but could she stay at home and use that loan for fees? don't know if it has changed but student 'loans' weren't means tested when i was at uni - they're not like grants and you can get one even if you are a millionaire or if you are bankrupt - however i don't know if that has changed to allow for the huge loans needed for the huge fees now.

sorry i'm waffling trying to think it through with you. will mull on it.

omg I have just worked so hard the last few weeks to achieve every single point on my work plan - I do hope my boss will appreciate this. But I MUST find a way to reward myself that does not involve alcohol. Or chocolate.

are you okay mousey ?

Back from our lovely day out in the sunshine. I feel all back-to-schoolish, as this is a bell-ringing outing, held every year in the last week of the holidays, that DDs and I always go on.

Soma, you are so wise, as always. You are right that you are not ready to give up until you are; I had just needed some sort of date to cling onto, as I'd reached the stage where I knew it had to stop, but didn't feel ready... spot on

Something clicked this morning. It's still clicked now ... and it's only 40 inutes until the local shop closes, after which I won't have any access to alcohol, whether I crave it or not.

Joey and Guggs - let's do day one together? I need buddy/ies, and it's so much easier than doing it alone.

Making some chilli for supper. Back later x

Hiya,

like the sound of the bell ringing carrie and there's no booze in this house either. here's to day one. I love Autumn too.

I have plan for tonight regarding the Toddler terror, i've just completely accepted that we will be up for part of it so no stress when it actually happens. We'll just all sleep in the same room and hope that Ds will go back to his own room at some point in the future

I'm raging!!! DH has fallen out with me because I refused to stop at a shop and buy him beer. Hellooooo!!!!! It sounds like many of you are like me, fine if there's nothing in the house. Buying beer and not wine would have taken too much willpower :'(

daisy yes totally agree, its so hard not to drink when others are. It does get easier... but in the early days you need all the support you can get!

What does your DH think about you being on the Bus? Does he also have a problem with alcohol? It sounds like his beer was more important to him than helping you overcome your addiction... (sorry if thats not true and I misread what you wrote)

Day 1 achieved. I'm knackered, so I'm off to bed with a mug of camomile, laced with a splash of ginger and lemongrass cordial.

Can't wait to wake up tomorrow with a clear head, a clear conscience, and with luck, the beginnings of a 'boing'.

Sorry for all my self-centered posts - it's all I can manage at the moment.

I'm taking a brief break, best friend's mum has died, during her sister's/daughter's wedding.

Be back soon. Sorry xxxx

mouse that's terrible news

Well done carrie good idea to add some cordial, hadn't thought of that. Did you say that you had been on the bus before and were returning? Forgive me if that wasn't you!

Daisy I wondered the same thing as joey did, that it says a lot about how much your dh wanted the beer! Hope you are o.k.?

Night babes. The terrible toddler is asleep for now...

oh no mouse - that is just awful.

gugg - hope the TT stays asleep to give you some rest

well done to those on the bus tonight. another clear night for me - aided by a good blast on the treadmill - albeit in the dark! forgot the garage light hasn't worked since i moved in (in may). up until now i have been able to use the treadmill in the light but was 8.30 before i went out there tonight and it was dark. terrifying doing sprints in the pitch black!

survived the day at Longleat although it was tough at times. both kids exhausted and over-wrought at various points. but there were highlights - both of them laughing at the monkey trying to dismantle my windscreen wiper. proper belly laughs from both of them. and the cockatoo who said 'hello' was also a big hit. their faces were a picture. i am glad we went.

tomorrow will be tough. had a ranting phone call from exH this morning. tomorrow is handover day, but i had arranged months ago to take the kids to the dentist tomorrow and said i would have the day off and take them. he had obviously forgotten this and his mother has come down (from Newcastle) to stay tomorrow and Thursday so that she can mind the kids (a 7hr train journey each way...). anyway, i asked him what the plan was and he went ape-shit at me saying i was being unreasonable expecting to have the kids tomorrow. he thought i was going to drop them at his house, go home, pick them up later and take them to the dentist, and drop them back again. i had absolutely no idea until this morning that his mother was even coming down. so when we made our arrangements (months ago) for tomorrow, i took the day as holiday so that i wouldn't have to drop them / pick them up from holiday club.

anyway the upshot of it all is that it looks as though i have to pick his mum up in the morning and spend the day with her and the kids. you can probably all imagine just how pleasant that will be as she hates the sight of me...

fortunately i can then spend the evening doing pilates and yoga which will destress me, get me out of the house and remove the (almost certain) overwhelming desire to get sh*t-faced tomorrow night once i have had the day of her shooting evils at me...

carrie well done on day 1 hope you sleep well.

ma hope something can be sorted regarding dd. I realise all but about £900 of student loan is meanstested in Scotland so if you are above the income limits dd will not qualify for any more than that. Higher education tuition fees in Scotland are between £1200 and £2000 at publicly funded institutions I believe and paid in full for students living in Scotland. I realise the glasgow academy is not publicly funded therefore DD will only get £1200or so each year towards them.
All I can suggest is in line with the advice of nono talk to the glasgow academy, there are always some funds available for special circumstances. If you will be able to pay later in the course this will help your case.
Otherwise as saf said once there she can then defer/intercalate and re start the course next year. If he does that quickly no tuition fees are due in publicly funded institutions, not sure about others but could only ever be due for the time actually on the course I think.

if

argh typed a long post and lost now too tired.
DAY 5 done.
Have to catch up wth everyone tomorrow now as need to try to sleep.
mouse terrible news about your friends mum
goodnight allxx

rural . Well done you!!!

nono thank you. Lets hope we are not getting sh*t faced together tomorrow.
Good luck tomorrow.

Hope everyone is calm this morning

Feeling low due to ongoing conversations with exH about today and handing over the kids. As much as I love the holidays and extra time with the kids it is bittersweet because the change of arrangements means I have to deal with him and negotiate time which I hate. I dread any kind of dealing with him. As he doesn't communicate with me we always end up having battles, like today's. He doesn't read my emails or texts, doesn't listen to what i say face to face. And then he denies / forgets things we have agreed. I hate it. It makes me so anxious and I should just not give a sh1t and do what I know we agreed but for some reason I am still a bit scared of him. At least I have been able to cut my parents out of my life but I have to be in contact with him daily because of the kids. It is bloody awful.

chin up nono - it's nearly over now.

how about in future if you know you said it already and it was arranged just reply, "please refer to our email conversation dated x/x where we agreed to do y. i will be sticking to what we have arranged" and then ignore further contact? it will take practice and at first he may rage against your boundary but if you stick with it it will become a boundary and he will learn to take notice of arrangements when he knows you won't bend over backwards when he tries to change things. just a thought.

ok here. been a bit flat and knackered for the last couple of days. doesn't help that it looks like bloody autumn! i'm sure back to school next week will bring a new lease of life (i hope so!).

for now it is what it is and nothing that couldn't be made worse by me drinking

love to all x

Carrie I'm not particularly wise, I've just been around the block a few times and am trying to learn from past mistakes! How's day 2 going?

Another one who loves the promise of autumn in the air. I find summer a bit hectic what will holidays and loads of people outside and welcome the relative calm of cooler days. I'm going to splash out on a gorgeous pair of Hunter wellies for dog-walking so I can enjoy trudging through muddy fields.

Mouse your poor friend's family, how totally unpredictable life can be :(
Re: having booze in the house when I was trying to control/stop my drinking.
I found it totally impossible, I'd always end of drinking whatever I had. Not keeping it at home didn't stop me drinking, it just made it a bit more inconvenient because I had to go to the supermarket, but sometimes I couldn't be arsed so it meant I didn't have anything. Must be harder with a partner who drinks though, I'm the only adult at home which makes it easier.

Afternoon all

Mouse How awful for your poor friend's family. Such a terrible tragedy at what should be have been a happy occasion. I'm so, so, sorry x

NoNo It's great to see you posting and sharing the ups and downs of your life. This bus is a great way to let those frustrations out

I do hope you won't mind if I make an observation, though. You obviously miss your dcs terribly and are unhappy when they are not with you. You cope by keeping busy with work and exercise which does seem to help. And when the dcs are home with you, you also seem to be busy, filling your days with them and making it as happy and fun as you can. Then there is all the pressure from your ex. and lack of sleep. I may have got this all wrong, so please excuse me if I have, but it seems to me that you are running the risk of exhausting yourself!

I do mean this kindly, nono and would hate to upset you or make you feel reluctant to post. I get the feeling that it would do you the world of good to find a way to relax, unwind, chill out, switch off? All that exercise must take it's toll on your body, do you think you can continue like this indefinately?

Or it could just be that I'm a right lazy arse and just reading about your activity makes me tired

Finally, if it were me I would not agree to have the ex-MIL with the children. That's not your responsibility any more. If your ex made a mistake about childcare, that's for him to sort out and re-arrange with his mother. He sounds like a bit of a bully. It's just another pressure for you to deal with and you really don't need that right now x

Rural and Guggs thank you for your support. Yes, I was on the bus earlier this year, for 35 whole days , so I know I can do it. I just have to be in the right place in my head!

Day 2 is going well Soma - I have DD1 with her friend, while DD2 is on a playdate with the friend's sister ... anyway, they are baking a white chocolate and passion fruit cake, which looked simple enough until I read the recipe properly - it's made in 8 layers, with syrup, icing and God know what else. We are having a lovely, messy and sticky time. Not thinking about booze at all

Afternoon babes

Day 2 today and no booze in house or in me.

well done rural and nono

The ex sounds difficult nono, I liked what saf said about boundaries and using a blocking technique like that, it sounds as though he is deliberately not paying attention to instructions, a bit like a small child sticking his fingers in his ears and saying "can't hear you". Very childish behaviour!

Perhaps the ex mil could look after herself for one day

The tt waited until midnight before giving it large and then we just poured him into our bed and all went back to sleep. It was quite a good night's sleep if you count being kicked and rolled on as a normal part of your night's routine

Anyone else get restless legs? It's a horrible thing where your feet/ ankles become very hot and the nerves inside seem to jangle about. The only relief is to kick your feet about until it stops. I've always had this but it's soooooo much worse on the nights I don't drink. I suppose that drinking stops you from feeling minor irritations like this or stops you from paying attention to it.I'm hoping that it will get better when I've had a few more af days.

Hi carrie

35 days? brilliant.

That cake sounds delicious. Can I have a bit?

Keep strong everyone as the witching hour approacheth

faire - you have seen straight through me! I am not at all offended. I am off out now to try to dodge my demons by going for a run followed by 2hrs of exercise classes. Kids are now at their father's house with exMIL. He won't be home for hours of course but hey - bums on seats and all that

Anyway i will check in again on my return. Work tomorrow and I have a sports massage at 7.30am before work so loads to sort tonight. Play date this afternoon so every room is full of toys! And we are going camping on fri morning so loads to sort as I am out all day tomorrow (massage - work - running club). Avoiding any down time so I can't dwell on how crap I am....

guggenheim try a magnesium supplement for the restless legs. I take a calcium and magnesium tablet every night and it helps.