The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Still On A Sober Holiday, Waiting For The Summer!

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, Mouse

I'm one of the Brave Babes on the Battle Bus, it's HUGE and never gets full, the doors are always open, 24/7, every single day.

We're a mixture of people who have been drinking for most of our lives and in one way or another, abuse(d) alcohol.

Some of us have stopped drinking every day completely and are taking it One Day At A Time.

Some are trying to control their drinking with medication, willpower, AA, some of us aren't quite sure what we want or where we're trying to get, but we're here, we're all in the same boat Bus, and there's a seat for ANYONE who wants one.

You can find the previous threads HERE and where this Bus first started it's journey, thanks to a wonderful lady, who'd hit rock bottom face first (and she'd admit that to us herself), seeking help and advice from a bunch of 'strangers' on an internet forum........

Come have a peek, take a seat, we don't bite or judge. We listen and will try to help, best we can.

forgot to say welcome! squirrel

silver will be along shortly to give you your ticket, not sure who's driving today? (they haven't let me drive yet )

Welcome augustsquirrel. I haven't been to gp so can't advise I am afraid

Feeling shite now. Think I must have a cold. Bleurgh. No running tonight but must still go to asda

Oh and what you say about thinking you may drink next week or whenever strikes a chord with me. Back in feb I had to break off contact with my parents when there was an incident when I left my kids with them for half an hour which resulted in the police paying me a visit after my parents were seen abusing my DD anyway at the time all I could do was say that I couldn't have anything to do with them at that time and I needed some space to work out how to move forward. As time moved on I thought - maybe we will just arrange to meet next time we go down to Devon. Then at Easter we went down and I still thought we might meet up but the weekend passed without me getting in touch with my parents. And now I am planning another trip at the end of this month. I had thought that perhaps this time I would see them. But actually the longer it has gone on, the less I feel like I want to put myself back in the firing line. And I wonder if it is the same with alcohol? I have this vague notion that perhaps at some point it will be the right time to try again. But actually maybe the realisation will be there eventually that there is no such thing for me as the right time... Who knows?

With my parents I have now realised that there is nothing positive to be gained from a relationship with them. I suppose the same thing is probably true for me of my relationship with alcohol. It will probably always only lead to one thing... Abuse.

Thank you for the welcome :) Though I have just realised there's a mouse and a squirrel on this thread!

NoNo that's a lot to deal with - I also think that unhealthy relationships can lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms.

I am sure the mouse and squirrel can desist from causing too much destruction on the bus. No chewing the seats or leaving droppings on the floor now

I have spent my life trying to find coping mechanisms. Anorexia was my first shot and that nearly had fatal consequences. Alcohol took over at some point in my 20s. By my 30s I added exercise and that has stuck and is probably a good one to keep. Trying to lose the alcohol now but developing an MN addiction instead I think.

DH got me to say sorry for last night. Then I secretly checked to see if he'd got me any wine as well... see, I'm allowed it if someone else buys it.

Luckily he hadn't

Hello lovelies, have missed you all and not had time yet to catch up on everything but just to say am not drinking (thanks to re-starting antabuse) but
know how easy it would be for me to pick up again.

Have had a health scare recently and am waiting to be seen and without antabuse I'd be on at least a bottle of wine a day to cope with the worry.
I'm so glad this isn't an option and I can find healthier ways (like walking the dog) to deal with it. Will try and catch up with the thread later and see how you all are x

Soma! Our paths haven't crossed recently, but here we both are, worried again ... hope your health scare turns out to be nothing - antabuse is your friend for now - I'm so hoping it is all alright - I've had a scare like that in the past few years (nothing alcohol related), and waiting for the full picture is complete torture xx

Rural - how are you doing? I am in Asda. Next to the booze aisles. Staying away. Trying to find pains au chocolat for DS. Thinking of you.

nono thanks for thinking of me, so far so good. I have not had a drink.
dsd rang at drink o'clock and asked me to pick her up from train station.
Train station nearly an hour away so have only just finished dinner and logged in to MN. Dsd call out of the blue has helped, didn't have time to pick up.
Just the next few hours to get through.

{{{{{Carrie}}}}} thank you. Haven't read back yet, how are you? Yes, antabuse is most definitely my friend and as much positive thinking as I can muster! Glad things turned out alright for you.

soma hello lovely, how are you? How's Alfie?

Just had a quick read, so sad about Ma's friend and poor Mouse's ongoing pain; my own little health scare seems very insignificant indeed. Joey I'm not drinking and Alfie is such a happy, loving dog and really settled now. Thanks for asking. He's asleep next to me on the sofa at the moment and barking in his sleep :)

Did things resolve themselves at work? And glad to see you went for the chocolate rather than the booze recently.

Sorry to hear of your health scare soma and I am glad you are staying strong with the Antabuse

rural - glad to hear you are not picking up. Keep calm and clear-headed

I have opened a bottle of bubbly... Non alcoholic sparkling muscat that was given to me by an elderly neighbour as a housewarming present. I laughed (to myself) at the time but actually am now quite glad. It is basically shloer - isn't pretending to be wine. And it is ok. I have a sore throat, headache and stuffed up nose. I am also aching all over - I assumed from exercise but maybe it isn't. I am also covered in mozzie bites so being tormented by them. Consequently feeling quite rough and a bit low. Still - pizza in oven as a treat for day 10 survival and the end of a week with no kids. Get them back tomorrow morning and am then with them 24/7 till weds night. Then get them back Fri morning until the following weds so in the next 12 days I only have 2 nights and a total of 34 hours without them. Not that I count or anything . I crave their presence... And to hold them. And sniff them. Ok I will stop now.

Evening all

Sorry to just jump in babes, I haven't caught up with the thread yet but just came across this poem and I wanted to post it for ma. I don't know who wrote it (maybe someone will recognise it?) but it made me think of Stef. It's too early probably to share with her but maybe in the weeks ahead? Maybe not, you will be the judge. Anyway, here it is

Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.

Hope everyone is well and coping alright this evening. Special hugs to Mousie, will catch up soon x x x

NoNo well done on day 10 and enjoy your pizza. I'm alone too at the moment, DD went away on Wednesday and don't have her back till next Friday. I want to sniff her too, although at age 12 I don't think she'd appreciate it. Enjoy the homecoming tomorrow, it'll be even more wonderful because you aren't hungover.

Evening, tis me, Mouse

That reads sooooooooo wrong doesn't it? Welcome Squirrel - nice to have you aboard And you Dippy

I've read all of the posts following my request for advice last night (thank you Joey and Lelli).......and I have spoken with my parents at length today when they came for lunch on their way home from their holiday.

My mother is disabled with MS, and other complicated illnesses. Some of them don't hold her back from every day life, some are very debilitating, and some are not at all but she chooses to ignore the help that is out there, and often plays the martyr which I detest. There's no way that she could help with Nemo at the developmental stage that he is now, plus he needs to be with people that he trusts, sees a lot of, and knows very well which currently is me, DH and DD.

As hard as it is, and as much as I've moaned on and on about my pain and disability for last few days, I feel better today, so I think that something triggered the extreme reaction I had the other morning, leaving me in excruciating pain.

My mother takes Pregabalin, another anti-epileptic drug used to controlled spasms in chronic pain patients. She's had Gabapentin as well so knows how I feel and vice versa.

Anyway, there's just not enough support around for me to have the op just now or anytime soon. As much as I go on about it, I'm going to have to put Nemo first. I have to be there for him until he's less 'needy' and ready for me to be less around.

Saf - thank you so much for the reminder about that, my mother said the same thing to me today, she asked if I'd had 'tingling' yet..... the thing is, I was on 150mg a day of Pregabalin when I started to get stroke like symptoms, I'm on 900mg of Gabapentin daily.

I'm worried that this is the start of the same thing happening. The stroke like symptoms....... I can drop down to 600mg if things get bad, the reason the GP gave me them were for the spasms that cause the back pain,

NoNo - an MN addiction won't kill you, abusing alcohol just might. And I don't want that lovely. xx

Koti - you could be me! We really do have a lot of similar issues with pain and the management of it don't we? I went to bed after two drinks last night. I'm not going to drink tonight, I'm going to see if I can get through tonight without it.

Soma - massive squidges to you. You know where we are if you need us okay? You can talk here, or via PM. We all have things that we need to let out..... so, if you need to, please do so xxx

Faire - thank you, just for being you.

I'm going to bed after I finish my Maltesers. This week's guilty pleasure

Be safe Babes xxxxx

Faire - thank you for the poem. Stef has been so touched by you all and lighting candles Fo her and Alex. Funeral is tomorrow. Alex would have been 16 on Monday. Stefs latest email says " you are right. She isn't suffering anymore. She isn't drowning in her own breath and fighting through the darkness. I'm glad she went on her own terms. But I am amazed when I wake up in the mornings and fine the world still turning as normal. Why hasn't it stopped."

Oi! Mouse! Leave my nuts alone **

'Ello all others. I only dropped in initially to ask about the doctors but will try to stick around and hope to learn more about everyone's stories in due course.
Spoke to alcohol advice line earlier and they told me to stop treating it as a 'coping mechanism' and try to think of it as a problem in its own right. Yikes, mindset change!

It sounds as though your words and support have really touched Stef ma. She seems to have responded well to your emails. You have done the right thing in supporting her and I am sure you will continue to do so

mouse - at least talking has helped make some things clearer.

soma - thinking of you. I can imagine your 12 yr old not appreciating being sniffed. My 6 yr old tolerates it still. He is very cuddly though. His sister much less so

squirrel - that sounds easier said than done to be honest. But really well done on making the call. You sound like you are in a place where you want to make a change.

Morning babes

Hope people have slept and that I am the only one bleary eyed. Not due to booze but due, of all things, to sodding mozzie bites. The bottom of my legs are covered in them and I was awake throughout the night trying not to scratch. Was up about 4 times for cream. Argh

Anyway only 1.5 hrs till kids return

Good morning all and welcome squirrel

I got through day 1 yesterday and feel much better this morning than I did yesterday morning.
nono thanks for the support and happy for you that dc are back today.
mouse glad your pain has eased.
Hope those not drinking got through last night.
Bye for now babesxxx