The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Still On A Sober Holiday, Waiting For The Summer!

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, Mouse

I'm one of the Brave Babes on the Battle Bus, it's HUGE and never gets full, the doors are always open, 24/7, every single day.

We're a mixture of people who have been drinking for most of our lives and in one way or another, abuse(d) alcohol.

Some of us have stopped drinking every day completely and are taking it One Day At A Time.

Some are trying to control their drinking with medication, willpower, AA, some of us aren't quite sure what we want or where we're trying to get, but we're here, we're all in the same boat Bus, and there's a seat for ANYONE who wants one.

You can find the previous threads HERE and where this Bus first started it's journey, thanks to a wonderful lady, who'd hit rock bottom face first (and she'd admit that to us herself), seeking help and advice from a bunch of 'strangers' on an internet forum........

Come have a peek, take a seat, we don't bite or judge. We listen and will try to help, best we can.

It's stupid really............... yep, it is.

That one super ace first hit NEVER lasts. It goes if you have more, it goes if you don't so why bother justa?

It's scary at just what feelings alcohol can give you.

I'm watching Panorama. Diabolical. I too have been in the 'sorry your wife is not ill enough to be picked up by an ambulance' reaction. DH was none to happy as I'd passed out with the pain and in shock. Hmmmmm.......

Anyway, I'm off to make my Horlicks, ready for a new series of New Tricks.

Be back tomorrow xx

Hello Justa and welcome to the bus. Stick around and post whatever you are thinking/feeling whenever you want

Ma it's so unfair isn't it, that on paper you earn too much for your dd to get more financial help. I think all students should be offered the same loans, regardless of their parents circumstances because not everyone is able to give the huge amount it costs to get through the course. Keep trying every avenue, maybe something will turn up x

justa - welcome. You are doing well. First stop is realising you need to do something and making a start. That is the most important step. If you don't do that, nothing will ever change.

ma - sorry to hear things haven't progressed for the funding. Did you speak to the college?

Another night on the lemonade. There is beer in the fridge (BF bought it) and he is drinking mint chocolate baileys. It smells foul but there was a time where I would have drunk the bottle win him. Not tonight tho... Suspect the beer will remain in the fridge but I am away with work all week after tomorrow so won't be able to drink it anyway

Back from Devon today. Poor DS is so glum as he can't do anything much with his arm in a sling and plastered. Have him sleeping on my floor tonight which I am pleased about as he is so immobile and was worrying about him on his high sleeper

I also wanted to share a bit about my middle cousin. As I mentioned she is an alcoholic. She has been very very ill in the past. She has tried rehab, drugs- the lot. She is still drinking all day every day. She has lost job after job. Her kids (9 and 6) have been take off her and are cared for by her mum. She isn't allowed unsupervised access to them. I appreciate that there are degrees of alcoholism but fundamentally this is what alcohol abuse can lead to. I see the impact on her poor kids - the eldest is so withdrawn; the youngest out of control. They are desperate to go and live with their aunt, my eldest cousin. It is so sad. And that is what f*%%23ing alcohol does. Bastard stuff.

welcome justa you are sure to find loads of help and support here

NoNo a couple of days after the accident and I would have started to relax and think 'we made it, phew! deserve a drink after all that' You've done really well to stay away.

kotinka it does get easier (for me, anyway) the first week is the hardest, after that its the usual triggers (party, weekend, bad-day-at-the-office etc) After a few weeks, you get out of the habit of always buying alcohol. I did this before, lasted 7 weeks and towards the end I didn't even want any.

I am still stressing out about work but today is Day 1. I like my job. But the last 2 years it has become less about the job and more about the performance and statistics. Not just me, everyone. DH says he's the same. It sends me into a panic when I see those spreadsheets and worry I'm going to fill it out incorrectly.

Hey guys I'm not a mum I just lurk here sometimes and I like this thread.
Throughout University I drank too much... originally to ward off homesickness in first year... in second year, to feel less lonely on a night in alone... in third year, when my relationship was hard or my boyfriend was horrible... and when I'm home with my family, all the time because it's just what my family 'does'. My mum and dad drink a lot and my mum definitely has a drinking problem and admits this, my dad doesn't. I posted here once before under the name CeliaFoote, I think. I started drinking again and felt too embarrassed to keep posting. Silly of me.
Anyway so my drinking wasn't great, I think I had a problem, but I was controlling it to the extent that I could take the occasional night off, if I was having a nice time with my boyfriend or going to the cinema. Still, I probably only had one night off from drinking every few weeks - I drank too much.

Now though it's become ridiculous. My boyfriend who I lived with broke my heart big style in May when I found out he had been cheating on me with an OW for a year. It was the worst thing that's ever happened to me, I had thought we were happy. My confidence has plummeted and although I'm surrounded by a loving family, I feel terribly lonely. So the result is I'm drinking at least a bottle of wine a night but if I'm being honest more like 2 maybe even more. This doesn't go unnoticed by my family but as my dad is always at the pub and mum drinks a lot it is quite normalised here - and there's always plenty of wine in the fridge so no one really sees how much each individual person is drinking. This suits my mum quite well, I don't mean that in a mean way. I'm scared I'm an alcoholic too, like my mum, like my granny. I'm 21 and I don't want to stop drinking altogether, I want to be a 'normal' 21 year old who can drink on a night out with friends or occasional trip to the pub. Is this possible for me or impossible? Tonight's the first night I have not had a drink since my (now ex) boyfriend broke my heart in May. And I feel all anxious and my chest is so tight. But I'm pleased that I've managed a whole evening without a drink. I really don't want to be this way. Last night I got so drunk I called the ex, well tried to, but he didn't answer, and I sent him a drunken angry text. I was so angry with myself and humiliated in the morning. I don't want to contact him and yet I did.

Anyway so there you go thanks for reading if you got through that essay. It's so rambling is sounds as if I HAVE been drinking!

Ah Florence, I remember you well as Celia and my heart goes out to you. You remind me so much of myself when I was your age - I felt very homesick too when I started uni and actually left during the first term, went home and re-started a year later. I had a boyfriend I clung to for dear life because I had no self-confidence and he consistently cheated on me (which I knew about) but I put up with it because I had such low self-esteem. That's when my drinking career really took off - to feel more sociable, cope with feeling different, lonely etc etc. The drinking continued through new relationships, break-ups, jobs, having children....until now when I've decided I just have to stop. How long's it taken me? About 35 years. I do hope you can get a handle on it quicker than I did and I'm sure you will as you have far more insight than I did.

Have you moved back in with your family for the time-being? What about work and friends? It's so difficult that your parents are drinkers but at least you can appreciate that it's not great for you to be in that environment. You've really got to think about breaking the habit of daily drinking and find things for replacing it and well done for not drinking last night. And don't beat yourself up over drunken texting - we've all done it. Next time you feel like contacting him, come here instead and vent. No-one can say whether you'll be able to control your drinking, but the first step is to just take it one day at a time. Make sure you keep posting here and never feel ashamed about having a blip. Look at me, all full of the joys of spring because I hadn't drunk for 3 months and then a relapse last week. What's the first thing that I did? I posted here. We look forward to hearing from you later and we can just take it from there....

Morning everyone else. Packed DD off to school and off to a hospital appointment shortly to get checked out for something (had a bit of a scare recently). I really don't think it's anything but will be glad when I know one way or the other. Nearly drank yesterday but managed to talk myself out of it when I did the playing the film to the end bit. And so I'm here, hangover and guilt-free. Thank the lord :)

NoNo your cousin's situation sounds awful. It's a real eye-opener to hear stories like that - which of us hasn't imagined that end-of-the-road scenario?!

Soma that was a lovely post to Florence - Florence, Soma is a wise old bird and she's talking a lot of sense. There are no quick fixes in this game, but the shared experiences are incredibly useful, I've found. Stick with the bus! Soma good luck with the hospital appointment. Thinking of you, and really hope all is OK.

I slipped up last night - but it's taught me a valuable lesson, which is that I CANNOT have alcohol in the house. My friend's well-meaning parents, whom I'd put up at my house over the weekend, gave me two bottles of wine as a thank you. There it was, staring at me, asking to be opened and drunk. And since I hadn't bought it for myself, somehow, at the time, it seemed OK to do just that. I poured the second one down the sink.

Somehow, I don't feel too bad about it, and I've no intention of drinking today. How our subconscious selves play mean tricks!

DD1 started at big school today, and DD2 back tomorrow, so a sense of normality will start to settle soon, I hope!

I did the ironing last night to stop me opening a bottle. I may have a v v tidy house at this rate ....

florence welcome, keep posting!

soma how did you get on a the hospital? Thinking of you...

hehe justatemp - you could end up with a house full of half finished diy and decorating projects like me - hoping i manage to finish them all at some stage welcome on board.

welcome back to flo.

mouse - no need to worry, i'm ok.

last day of holidays today so we're going to the cinema soon to watch brave and eat too much sugar. tomorrow's uniform is laid out ready for the morning. feel really sorry for ds as he's going into year 1 and more 'structured' learning - worse still he's going into a classroom the size of which you wouldn't house more than 3 secretaries and their desks in yet is somehow deemed fit for 30 5yo's. his reception classroom was huge and high ceiling and had free play with the room next door plus an outdoor covered area and a little craftroom. being stuck in a square box is going to come as a bit of a shock and it's one thing he keeps on about - how small his classroom is and how boring it's going to be.

still he'll have to give it a go, same as i have to give the teacher who thought it feasible that elizabeth the first might have been our last monarch the fact she is responsible for my son's education for the next year gives me nightmares. deep breaths!

feel very much back on board with the not drinking and still feeling very grateful that my slip was as short and non-consequenced as it was.

hope everyone is ok x

Thanks so much for the lovely post Soma :) I know I really do need to sort this out and I've been using all the pain of the last few months as a bit of an excuse to just constantly drink. I'm either out with my friends from home at the pub, drinking more than any of the rest of them, or at home drinking. The thing about my parents' drinking habits is that they both drink too much but are not really 'destructive' with it, alcohol is made out to be a very positive thing, i.e. 'let's all have a few glasses of wine, how lovely', but in actual fact people just drink far too much in my house. So yeah it makes it quite hard to resist. My sister manages though - she'll have one beer, or one glass of wine, whereas I'll want to finish the bottle. I really want to sort myself out.

Yes I've moved back with family for the time being, I have some 'home friends' in the area. I'm going on a holiday with my friends at the end of the month and it's being billed as a big 'single girls going out and getting drunk' kind of holiday. I can't really envision myself not drinking on that. The temptation would be too much and my friends would think I'd gone mad - I don't feel able to tell them. So I think maybe my aim will be not to drink until then, and then ONLY to drink on holiday, and when on holiday only drink at night time. Maybe that's a stupid plan as it's still, after all, drinking...

anyway I'm feeling positive that I didn't drink last night and woke up clear-headed :) Now the challenge is to not drink tonight as well, I suppose and stop worrying about what happens in three weeks time or whatever.

My ds is starting year one tomorrow too. I still haven't got his school shoes or trainers .... Oops.

god just! you've just reminded me about PE kit. bugger. thought i was doing well

my DD went off to school wearing her old shoes because we never got around to getting new ones. "They're only a little too small, mummy" she told me.

Hi babes and welcome aboard justatemp and florence.
Well done both of you on day 1. Congrats to you too joey

Saf So glad you are back on track and in a positive frame of mind

carrie glad your not to bothered about your little slip and have jumped straight back on board. You are so much stronger than me I know that I could not have tipped that second bottle anywhere except down my throat.

I am on day 12 today was very tempted to have glass of wine late last night to help me get off to sleep but I resisted and in fact fell asleep just after midnight and slept all night, so perhaps I am getting past the insomnia stage. I hope so!!
Hope everyone having a good day.

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

Koti - I did at first because I swapped wine for Maltesers. And I still have a bag that is getting smaller each day I missed the sugar, or rather my bidy did so I replaced the sugar in wine with sweets/ice-cream and boy are there some To Die For ice-creams out there.

Welcome to Flo - as others have said, keep posting x

Saf - ok...... hope tomorrow goes well with DS. I'm sure that he will settle in a week or two. It's tough for them, going from free play to complete structure as such..... I'm worried about that with Nemo too.

He starts pre-school 'officially' tomorrow and I'm a bit teary about it. Daft old bat that I am

Nemo's nurse is due any moment so I best go. Sorry not to read back properly. It was DD's first day in year 9 and there's bound to be some sort of drama and she's due home now too.....

Flo you're thinking about your relationship with alcohol and that's great. Just make sure you keep us posted.

Mouse I hope DD enjoyed her first day in year 9, mine started year 8 today and has disappeared straight off to her room to do homework. How often does Nemo's nurse come? I'm concerned about DD's little sister June, seems that my ex-H and his partner are going to separate and I have no idea how they're going to sort childcare. She has so many issues and I hope both parents will be there for her (don't doubt this of ex-H, he's a great dad).

Got checked out at hospital this morning and all OK, absolutely fantastic treatment from consultant and nurses and not kept waiting at all. As far as I'm concerned the NHS is bloody fantastic. BUT am drinking, went to friend's house after my appointment and she offered me a glass of wine and wham. One glass led to another and then I had to come home for DD and stopped off at Sainsburys for a bottle...and here I am. Knowing I musn't drink but loving it at the same time. Luckily I have a bottle full of antabuse in the kitchen cupboard and know that I simply have to take one every evening for the next few months or I'm never going to beat this. It's as if alchohol is in my DNA.

Soma I am so pleased to hear that you got the OK, I can remember well reaching for the sherry (of all things!) both after being referred to breast clinic and after getting the all clear.
Have your drink tonight to clebrate your health in the short term, but don't forget to think about your health in the long term.
Tomorrow take your AB and then take it every day, if you had a thyroid problem you would take your medication every day, why not take the AB every day for your drink problem?
HUGS XX

soma I thought you had to be clear of alcohol for 48 hours before taking the antabuse?

Day 2 - its much easier this time around. I lasted 7 weeks last time, and although its a struggle at least now I know it CAN be done. I found it so hard before and was obsessing about booze all the time.

kotinka I've definitely put on weight. Thank god we don't have any scales in the house, but my clothes are too tight. Partly the mirtazapine (Side effect: appetite suppressant.) Also been having loads of ice-cream and chocolate as treats to take mind off the wine.

stimulant not suppressant i think you mean joey

soma sorry to hear it. can i ask: were you driving? just you said you went from friends, stopped by supermarket then home? hope you don't mind me asking but if you are driving when drinking that's another wake up call on what you're risking maybe? congrats on the all clear - that is great news just a bit ironic really isn't it? to be relieved that some big bad illness isn't going to kill you if you're then indulging in things that really could. sorry.

another day sober. went into town and saw brave and ds ate sweets. had a bit of a mini panic attack before we came home - pretty yuk but it passed with the help of a sugary drink and much talking myself down. hadn't had one for a long time - that'll be the few days of alcohol i had i think.

someone was saying to someone that they should bear in mind how alcohol could be causing/worsening symptoms they've put down to other things. i would really, really second that. my anxiety, depression and exhaustion virtually disappeared. all were rearing their heads nastily less than 48hrs after picking up a drink. i have a couple of dx that i have had for a long time so i'm under no illusion that i'm magically cured and won't have any problems with my health anymore but i know for absolute sure that drinking was making them a zillion times worse and i am so much better without drinking.

blah blah. i want a 'boring poster' badge

back to school tomorrow. ds is scrubbed, fringe trimmed so he can at least see the board and about to be put into bed. i need to set alarms! hoping the up and out by x time will not be too much of a challenge for us after this long break.

hope our resident teacher is ok! conscious that all of our 'yay back to school' cries mean something different for you. good luck tomorrow x

DS looked so anxious when I put him to bed, new school tomorrow. He was happy in his old school but there were lots of things that actually weren't right for him - I just wish we had sent him to his new school in the first place. Gaaaah. It's moments like this, these moments of "oh shit, perhaps I'm a crap mother" that usually send me to the fridge. Not tonight though.

Soma great news about the all clear - take it steady though hey? And this is a blip, not the end of the road. You're still on this bus.

i think i have put on weight too. i am a bit paranoid about weight and don't weigh but i am not managing to stick to my alternate day fasting at the moment. no alcohol is taking all my willpower so i am eating every day and that always leads me to put on weight

great news on the all clear, soma, but it does sound like you need to go back on the antabuse. this is an illness and needs to be treated, and for some that means medication. do you also attend AA? or get any other kind of help?

rural - i hope you are ok tonight

ma - any news on your DD's funding?

alias - how was work?

hope all the returns to school are going well. DS was fine today - they were fab with his cast and even let him out to play which was a big concern of mine. he would have HATED not being allowed out. he managed his lunch and his toilet stops etc and couldn't do any writing at all. perfect day all round really for a 6 year-old pen-phobic!

unfortunately nursery 'forgot' to tell the parents of returning children that nursery wouldn't be starting till next monday as they were doing home visits for the new starters. so i turned up with a VERY excited DD today who had been tantrumming all morning wanting to go to 'school' and had been asking for lunch since 10am (she goes 'after lunch') and then had to come back home with her. fortunately she copes well with disappointment and things going wrong - unlike her older brother

as i was typing the above, i heard some strange noises over the sound of the tumble drier (washing out on the line for 28 hours and hasn't dried!! and i am away from tomorrow until fri night so can't leave it out any longer). went upstairs and poor DS was distraught. he had been to sleep and woken up again and couldn't get back off. poor lamb. felt so bad- he is still on his mattress on my floor. have sat with him for 10 mins or so until he said i could go away. must finish my chores and get to bed myself - will be a long night i suspect...