The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Still On A Sober Holiday, Waiting For The Summer!

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, Mouse

I'm one of the Brave Babes on the Battle Bus, it's HUGE and never gets full, the doors are always open, 24/7, every single day.

We're a mixture of people who have been drinking for most of our lives and in one way or another, abuse(d) alcohol.

Some of us have stopped drinking every day completely and are taking it One Day At A Time.

Some are trying to control their drinking with medication, willpower, AA, some of us aren't quite sure what we want or where we're trying to get, but we're here, we're all in the same boat Bus, and there's a seat for ANYONE who wants one.

You can find the previous threads HERE and where this Bus first started it's journey, thanks to a wonderful lady, who'd hit rock bottom face first (and she'd admit that to us herself), seeking help and advice from a bunch of 'strangers' on an internet forum........

Come have a peek, take a seat, we don't bite or judge. We listen and will try to help, best we can.

Much to catch up on - which I will. DS is ok - fractured his humerus falling off a climbing frame. I didn't see it as I was pushing his sister on the swing so I feel very . He is coping ok but is plastered in full arm plaster. Pain seems ok but am doubling up on nurofen and paracetamol for him. I haven't drunk. The only reason is I am away camping so have no easy access to booze. Could have done it - campsite has bar; could have called at tesco express. BF is with us and offered to get me wine. But I chose not to. I will be pleased I did when I get no sleep tonight due to ds being uncomfy.

Will catch up properly tomorrow when we are back home. So many people fighting the bloody witch at the moment. Thinking of you all xx

NoNo oh your poor DS! I bet it was no fun spending the afternoon in casualty either... you're very strong for staying away from the witch tonight! Well done.

well I am finishing last nights wine... and oh gosh dare I write it down... thinking about going back on the bus from tomorrow. 5 weeks till DHs birthday (not that that's necessarily a reason to drink, but it gives me something to aim for)

5 weeks! and the way I feel right now about everything thats going on at work!

PS. soma have started learning 'To Autumn' thank goodness its only 3 verses! some of his poems go on for pages...

I don't know whether its the thought of work tomorrow, or the idea of 5 weeks sober but there is a panic attack heading my way. What on earth do I do... I'm over-reacting, its not going to be as bad as I fear

many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness

yes I have learnt the Desiderata as well... I recite this while walking the dog to stop intrusive thoughts. (not out loud, I'm not crazy)

I'm a long term lurker but am prompted to post to offer support to SAF. I have been sober for just short of eight months, having previously had approaching ten bottles a week habit. I have found SAF's posts incredibly insightful. You are a very strong and self aware individual. Although I may have been sober for longer, I have always regarded you as been further along the path of the road to long term sobriety. You have obviously gained a huge amount from the meetings and I - and many others - have benefited from that. I hope you draw on this now. You are not back at square one in any sense. You will been able to use the knowledge and tools which you have acquired over the last 5 months to get back on track and put this weekend's setback down to experience. Am looking forward to reading many more posts from you and just wanted to offer you my best wishes.

sodalime I agree with koti brilliant post.

saf I am one of those who have gained a lot from your posts, you are insightful, intelligent and you tell it like it is and do so from a position of knowledge. I have taken on board everything in your posts that relates to me regarding alcohol and relationships even though I may not always have acknowledged it by posting on here. Your posts are a major factor in why I am 10 days sober tonight and in 40 minutes that will be my longest time sober inabout 25 years.
nono well done for resisting the wine witch hope ds has a comfortable night and is soon on the mend.

To all the brave babes, THANK YOU.
10 days done and dusted couldn't have got this far without you.
Thinking about all those struggling tonight and hoping you got through.
goodnight, sleep well xx

Morning babes

yes, what sodalime said. (wish I'd said that)

Rural brilliant news! 10 days is a significant number to put behind you. Perhaps you cold buy yourself a treat to celebrate?

Hi kotinka how are you doing today? I'm trying for another af day, I feel good and want to stay that way.

nono hope he's better soon, well done on avoiding the wine.

Happy Autumn babes

Morning all

Joey

I don't do what some hard-working conscientious types do and drive myself to exhaustion

I'm hard-working and conscientious but I don't drive myself to exhaustion. I have been in the position where managers have asked me to take on extra work/time and I have said no. Even when they are quite insistent, I have said no, I can't manage any more right now. It's ok to say no.

she'll just say that my counterpart in xxx office has to, we all have to

Excuse my language so early in the morning, but that's bullshit. We are not robots, we are humans and we all have different strengths and weaknesses. If they are trying to give you more work than you were employed to do, you are perfectly within your rights to turn it down.

feeling very CFS-y this morning (alcohol? hmmm?????)

You are doubting yourself here because of the alcohol. If you can get through a week (one day at a time), possibly longer, you will start to be able to see what is CFS and what is alcohol induced.

Joey I reallly think it would do you the world of good to take that break from drinking and separate it from the symptoms. Saf said that she realised some of her symptoms were either caused by, or worsened by alcohol. Some were not. You need to find this out for yourself so that you can move forward with a plan for work. Can you see how it's all related?

sodalime that was a lovely post and I totally agree

NoNo hope your ds feels better soon, it's amazing how quickly little ones recover and bounce back. Will he still be able to go school?

Mouse thanks for the update x

Well I'm off to work now, see you all later and remember, it's Motivational Monday - Today I will not be drinking

Hello Babes. Sorry not to have posted - I was having a much needed rest (aged parents / too much work / visitors / concern about dcs) and I had promised dp that I wouldn't be working or emailing. I was following your posts on my phone but trying to post from my phone takes a bloody age (all that logging in stuff!) and then writing an epic long post wouldn't really have been honouring my promise not to work or email. It did feel selfish to be putting my own needs before those of others on here, but at the heart of all of this, sometimes that is exactly what each of us have to do - put our own needs for sobriety or solitude or licking our wounds or peace or gentle companionship or exercise or ...... (whatever)... above the grinding relentless responsibility we feel for solving other people's hurts and making them happy.

So I'm sorry if I wasn't around, but keeping myself strong makes me a better resource in the longer term.

So.... trinity such a delight to read your post - I know how often you have been on and off this merry-go-round. So many of things that have challenged you over the last year can only be more straightforward without a drink.

saf and soma Oops. Actually that's it really 'Oops'. A slip, a mistake, a temporary lapse. Not an irretrievable choice. Not something that can't be reversed. Unlike the marvelous JWN I have had a couple of short stops off this bus - one following the first Christmas, and one last year after my dd had been ill. Not for long. And that's the point. There is a big, massive, huge difference between looking back a couple of days (of several months) and saying "I had some drinks" and getting stuck in the mindset that says "I'm drinking again". The second of these is the attitude of someone who has given up, who has wandered back into the boxing ring, and who is laying there punch drunk imagining that they can't get out again. The first is someone who has wandered (or stepped deliberately) into the boxing ring, got hit, maybe got hit again, and who thinks, "fuck - this is doing me no good, I'm going to find some friends or some support to help me get back out of this."

I do think that one of the depressant effects of alcohol is that it keeps you in that defeated place.

So go on. Accept our help, or the help of AA, or the help of someone else. Find that tiny spark of brave courage within you - not fools bravery that makes you think you can shadow-box with the giant, but the true bravery that turns its back on the ring and takes one step away. Then maybe tomorrow you will feel more able to take another step away, then maybe the next day another step. Who knows? But you do know that sitting in the boxing ring waiting for the next punch feels bad all round.

Ding! Ding! The fight is over. Your choice now.

rural WELL DONE! You sound quite pleased with yourself - and so you should be. Hope its sunny where you are - have a marvellous day.

venus lovely to see you, we missed you!

faire you're spot on with needing a break from alcohol. Really I have enough to worry about without the 'will I, won't I' dance in my head. So, Day 1, and I plan to try for 5 weeks until DHs birthday. It seems like a long time, but I know the first week or so is the hardest. Be Brave.

sodalime - thank you so much! really, that was lovely to read. you're right - it isn't all down the drain - it felt like that when i was drinking though - all gone. this is the second day back without booze and i feel pretty 'sane' again thank goodness. remarkable how quickly booze takes that but also, thank fuck, remarkable how quickly it comes back IF you manage to stop drinking. wouldn't want to gamble with it though because who knows if i'd be able to stop the next time. i don't believe i have 'control' over alcohol so i just can't know what will happen if i drink. incredibly grateful my senses came back after three days - could have been a hell of a lot worse. well done on 8months and stick with it - seriously it is NOT NICE back there!

welcome back venus - totally agree you have to mind yourself first. hope the load on your plate is easing soon - sounds like a lot x

ack gotta run - ds drama - will come back and finish later x

meant to say also venus yes its great to see you back, but don't feel you have a responsibility towards us, it is important to put yourself and your needs first sometimes.

What a beautiful day it is here! Summer has finally made it. My boss has given one little job to a colleague - actually its such a small job that it makes almost no difference to my workload - but hopefully it means she's taken on board what I said.

Hi, dont post very often but just want to say goodluck to everyone on their journey day 29 for me love ....hoops x

Quick post to say to rural how amazingly well she is doing. Am worried about your insomnia tho - could you get some help for that before it drives you insane / makes your more depressed? I know I can't function for many weeks on no sleep...

Also alias - can you think of it one day at a time rather than 5 weeks. If you set yourself a very ambitious challenge you will only be disappointed if you can't manage it. One day at a time is the answer I think xx

NoNo you are right, one day at a time! How is your wee boy?

Haven't had chance to catch up properly on thread but I agree with NoNo it really is 1 day at a time, Day 29 here and for some reason am feeling pretty calm today , it's like a sort of peacefulness has descended on me.

I have actually stopped counting the days now. Every day is just 1 more day to me. Trying not to think about how many I have done or how many more till a month etc is helping me. It is just one more day and that is cool by me. That way I can treat every day as it's own little victory and not daunt myself with how many more days I want to do

Thanks for asking after DS. He is ok but very glum. Fed up that he can't do anything and also very emotional. He is very emotional at the best of times but the suggestion that I move his mattress upstairs onto my floor overnight made him cry for ages. He is on a high sleeper. Suspect he will be able to get up but not back down. And he sleeps downstairs and I am worried he will call for me in the night and I won't hear him for a while...

Its not it's. Damn autocorrect!!

Hello brave babes

I have lurked on your threads many many times. I'm not brave enough to use my proper posting name, I'm sorry about that. After last night I've decided I have to do something so I'm climbing aboard the wagon. I don't know whether this means I plan never to drink again or if I'm just trying to get drinking under control. I don't know if that is possible or if I'm just fooling myself to make it seem not so scary. Nothing terrible happened, just friends dropped round unexpectedly and the wine started to flow. But I cannot remember them leaving, cannot remember going to bed. DH assures me I didn't make a tit of myself in any way but still...

I don't know why I drink too much. I'm happy. There's nothing wrong with my life to make me want to escape down the neck of a bottle. I do use opening a bottle of wine after the kids have gone to bed as a punctuation mark, and if one glass tastes good then four must be even better - eh? It's spiralled. It's taken years to reach this point but I have.

I'm going to make dinner now and try to ignore the siren call of the fridge ,...

Welcome justa. You will get help here.
I am still trying to come up with dd2s tuition fees. She is being so sensible about it. Says not to worry and she will just apply again next year when we have had a chance to save up. But she might Not get in
Next year. God damn it!
next y

Evening, tis me, Mouse

Stay there Justatemp - be back x

Sodalime - what a lovely and supportive post to our lovely Saf It really was a great post to read.

Now then Justatemp - how are you getting on? Are you managing to stay away from the Fridge Monster? He's a right nobber you know, never helps, always in there telling you to have just the one.......

Why not tell us a little bit more about you or how you're feeling? I've got a new night-time treat, Horlicks, chocolate and it's light too! Once thought boring by this partying mouse, a welcome end to the day now.

Saf - I hope you are okay, I've been worried about you. And others......

xx

Thank you for your quick responses, so kind. I'm fine, just eaten dinner and had a glass of lemonade.

It's stupid really, I don't even like being drunk. I don't get drunk, really. I was last night though. It's that first hit, the first glass at the end of a long day .... And I have another to try to keep that little buzz but it doesn't really work does it?

My other reason for wanting to give up/cut down is weight related. I've lost a good amount of weight this year but need to lose more and it won't shift, not with the amount of wine I'm Packing away.