The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Still On A Sober Holiday, Waiting For The Summer!

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, Mouse

I'm one of the Brave Babes on the Battle Bus, it's HUGE and never gets full, the doors are always open, 24/7, every single day.

We're a mixture of people who have been drinking for most of our lives and in one way or another, abuse(d) alcohol.

Some of us have stopped drinking every day completely and are taking it One Day At A Time.

Some are trying to control their drinking with medication, willpower, AA, some of us aren't quite sure what we want or where we're trying to get, but we're here, we're all in the same boat Bus, and there's a seat for ANYONE who wants one.

You can find the previous threads HERE and where this Bus first started it's journey, thanks to a wonderful lady, who'd hit rock bottom face first (and she'd admit that to us herself), seeking help and advice from a bunch of 'strangers' on an internet forum........

Come have a peek, take a seat, we don't bite or judge. We listen and will try to help, best we can.

thanks for the support guys! I think my mind was so taken up with the appraisal, I felt exhausted when I came out. Also got very angry over something - got it sorted in the end, but I was upset for about 40 mins - this will also have tired me out. And I did feel depressed, you are right she doesn't handle it brilliantly, on the other hand I have been a terrible employee for nearly a year so both at fault here.

Clearly no point in mentioning my health - she doesn't want to know. I am starting to feel a panic at the amount of work coming up. Have asked DH to get me chocolate and toffee fudge sundae from supermarket - secretly hoping he buys wine too

NoNo You sound very driven to achieve, to be doing something all the time. I know exactly what you mean about being occupied, usually I am reading/doing a puzzle and watching TV at the same time. I'm trying the meditation podcasts - they are quite good - but as soon as they're finished, my mind fills up again! I've learnt a couple of poems, and when I start worrying about something (eg. at night, or walking to work) I recite them over and over.

Also, you mention struggling with eating, eating junk & feeling rubbish. I read somewhere about an 80/20 rule ie. you allow yourself to have a treat 20% of the time, your body can manage this and it stops you from having a binge.

alias - do you have an HR department or welfare or anything at work? it is worth going and talking to them and getting it on record that you are struggling. even if your boss doesn't care, your employer has a duty of care towards you and this MUST be taken into consideration. i had a very problematic employee for a few years and i consistently asked her how she was doing and asked her if she needed help and she refused. i knew (from the few snippets that she did throw my way) that things were very bad indeed for her in her personal life and indeed she suffered some horrible medical issues too. but she absolutely REFUSED to discuss them with me - didn't take any time off work and continued being difficult and bolshy. i went to HR several times; documented my concerns; asked her to phone our employee assistance service (which is confidential) and she refused. but i was absolutely determined to make sure that, however, difficult and bolshy she was and however little she wanted to communicate with me, i covered my duty of care towards her. in the end she got transferred to another team and i did a full handover to her new boss to cover myself. i don't think it really helped her - but what i am trying to say is that, if you are 'failing' at work, your employer has a duty to try to help you with this. and if some of this is related to your health / depression, they have a responsibility to help you manage this. if your boss is rubbish, you need to find someone in the pecking order who isn't

bing averted and audit findings typed up! that is progress of sorts...

and thanks for your thoughts on the 80/20 thing. the only problem is that i am (as faire put it) an 'all or nothing' gal. so once i open the floodgates with a treat, it just doesn't stop and i end up eating all sorts of crap. i have tried 'allowing' myself a treat. so if i want chocolate, i eat chocolate - rather than eating a rice cake, or some raisins or something and hoping that will do. but all that happens is i eat one chocolate bar and then want another. argh!

Joey your manager sounds really unprofessional - either that, or she doesn't understand her duty of care to you, as NoNo said. If you are struggling, as you obviously are, then you do need to have this officially logged, even more so in the absence of a diagnosis.

NoNo, I sympathise with you missing your children; mine stay half the time with their Dad, and I've only recently begun to find it easier. I've just dropped them off, and now I'm feeling really guilty, as they have such a bad dose of the end-of-holiday unreasonable behaviour, that I was actually glad to see the back of them

Day 3 here - and it's getting much easier. In fact, I wouldn't have a drink if it were placed in front of me now. The eating thing - for me, drinking goes hand in hand with eating rubbish (the desert spoon in the Nutella jar ). When I'm dry, I can keep to healthy stuff most of the time (although I have just had a slice of DD's passion fruit and white chocolate creation - couldn't let it get stale!) I have to do something about my weight - at about 20 pounds overweight I feel bloated and unattractive in most of the clothes I own - so tomorrow I'm going to start my running again. Expect most of it will be walking, but it's a start! I'm also a bit of an all-or-nothing person; the minute I let down my guard, anything and everything goes into my stomach. I don't think I've ever had an eating disorder as such, but certainly an unhealthy relationship with food - possibly the same with alcohol - hmmm.

Enough waffle from me. I'm off to sew on nametapes - my least favourite chore in the world!

Have a good evening all.

yes we do have HR but... I feel things would be even more awkward if I said I was struggling... I don't know so confused She has given me loads of new tasks to do, and I admit I panicked at the thought. But if I say anything she will tell me that its all part of my job description and I 'should be able to manage it'.

DH got me some wine. I'm trying to re-frame my attitude towards having a drink. Instead of thinking 'I want to get pissed, what a difficult day, let's numb those feelings & make 'em all go away' I'm trying to think... 'well done, I achieved a lot, got through that appraisal and reached most of my targets, it will be nice to relax and have a drink tonight' [of course that is just an excuse for a drink... but if I'm going to drink it anyway I want to be a bit more positive]

Its really hard though, must stop these negative thoughts!

Clearly no point in mentioning my health - she doesn't want to know

Joey it doesn't matter if she doesn't want to know. That's her problem and she will have to get over it. Yes, ill health can affect work. But it happens. And managers are trained to deal with it. That's part of her job! Please don't feel that you can't bring this up at work x

Good evening everyone,
koti well done on 7 clear days, hope you are keeping the wine witch at bay Im OK and yes day 7 today . Cravings bad with me too and lack of sleep driving me mad. abstaining does seem to turn me into an insomniac.
Great post earlier saf I am the slug mode type when problems/stress strikes. Can't seem to function and use alcohol as a temporary escape.
Have to go and collect DS from friends house catch up properly later.
Bye babesxx

I meant to say - Mia if you're reading, Batty Bat is back! He came back a few weeks ago and guess what? He has a mate! Well, I hope so anyway, there are two of them circling around together

The moon is amazing this evening. Clear and bright and huge.

Faire hooray for Batty Bat and Mrs Batty! I haven't seen ours for the last month or so which is a bit worrying. Maybe next year you'll have a whole Batty Family!

Gugg I take a combined supplement; I need the calcium because I'm osteopenic and wanted the magnesium to because I'd read that it helped with restless legs which had been bothering me. I use osteocare but there's lots of different brands and they often put calcium together with magnesium.

Checking in. Drinking. Stressed. Have 24 hours to find the funding to allow dd2 to take up her place at musical theater school - doesn't look like its going to happen. She did her bit and nailed the audition and I have failed her.

Faire it's a blue moon tomorrow night!

It'll be the second full moon in a calendar month (the last was August 2nd), known as a blue moon. The next blue moon won't be until 2015. It's Neil Armstrong's funeral tomorrow too, so we can look up once in a blue moon and think of the man that walked on it.

joey - I know you are scared to admit you are struggling and won't believe me when I say it but it is actually the responsibility of your employer to ensure you have the tools and skills to do the job. If they are asking you to do stuff you cannot do or fell you can't cope with then they are abusing their position. Asking for help is scary I know. Do you have an employee assistance programme you can contact anonymously for advice?

Erm... What else? Oh yes - rural - 7 days is amazing. You are doing phenomenally well. Can you try some phenergan to help with sleep? It is an over the counter antihistamine that is sedating and non addictive. Not sure if you are on any other meds tho. I use it daily. GP has said it is fine and infinitely better than sleeping tabs

Ma keep at it, and ring the school tomorrow and explain the position - do they have any scholarships or anything? Good luck x

Oh ma - have you spoken to the college? Will they defer her place if that would help? Not ideal but in the grand scheme of things... Also it was v short notice

Ma what approach have you taken so far?

• contacted the college?
• looked at the student finance advice here on Mumsnet?
• contacted her (ex)school and music teachers to see if they can help/offer advice/know of bursaries?
• contacted local authority/careers advice/connexions service?

I know it is hard for you to borrow money, but can she get a bank loan or loan from a family member to pay year 1 up front and work her way through to pay minimum amount back as she goes? then you could maybe give her a little help with the repayments?

I expect you have done all this but try not to panic, send her along anyway and keep working on it for as long as you possibly can...

I have also been admiring the moon. Didn't know that about the blue moon. Was admiring the moon on my run with club. Shouldn't have done it really as I had an agonising sports massage this morning and physio spent an hour with her elbow in my hamstring. She said as I left "you won't be running tonight then " and I said "oh no of course not" . Anyway I went along to club intending to do 4 miles or so with the slow group only to find it was Indian sprints - so we all run in single file and the person at the back sprints to the front, then slows down and then the person at the back sprints forwards etc. with our warm up and cool down it was 7 miles including lots of sprinting. And I was the slowest in my group by halfway as 3 people dropped out which meant I was dying by the time we turned round. Endorphin high now tho and it was a beautiful evening with a stunning moon.

Who does your DD know? has she ever worked with any famous singers or musicians she could send begging letters to? If she asked for a loan or small donation they might be willing to support a struggling artist...

carrie - sorry to hear you find it hard too. I struggle with the loss of control when the kids aren't with me. And of course exH doesn't communicate - deliberately probably to wind me up. He has a gf whom he is spending more time with. They have been together since we separated give or take a few weeks so nearly 2 yrs now but he has only in the last 6 months introduced her to the kids. She lives 100 or so miles away and has no kids as far as I am aware. I haven't met her and he is careful to ensure I don't. However interestingly the cards sent from their holiday in brittany from the kids were written and addressed by her. Presumably because he is too lazy to send a card. He never sent any when we were together. I am taking this as a good sign that she may be a reasonable person who is willing to do the right thing and communicate. And also am pitying her that already she is having to cover for him with his own kids. Ah well. Her problem

ma I don't really have any advice for you, but just wanted to say you haven't failed! You have done a great job parenting as you yourself know, she wouldn't have got this far without you. I hope you manage to get it sorted

faire and NoNo I'm sure you're right about the boss... just don't know how to tackle it. I have to sign off my appraisal tomorrow, so I won't sign it until I'm happy.

'Ellooo all, I also noticed the moon earlier, it looks beautiful.

I haven't checked in here recently as I've been a bit despondent about drinking and not sure which way to turn, if that makes sense? Wondering if I should try to stop full stop, and feeling guilty if I have a drink.

Hope all well though and Joey, I checked out the podcasts, mindfulness as in living in the awareness with a sense of your responsibilities did make me think differently :)

nono - how about the cinema? it would make you sit still for a couple of hours and just escape the world. i used to love going to the cinema in the afternoon when i was a student in london - you'd get all absorbed in the film and lose your sense of time and come out expecting it to be dark and it was still daytime. it's not meditation but it is relaxing and distraction and escape without frantic activity i guess.

joey - think you're going to have to speak to HR or your next line manager up about this. you're doing the right thing by trying to work through being ill rather than just signing off but it shouldn't be all or nothing you know? if she refuses to accommodate you not doing great at the minute then she is pushing you towards having to sign off when they should be working with you to avoid that tbh. it isn't selfless concern that motivates employers but legal responsibilities and if they have any sense at all avoiding long term paid sick leave. maybe that needs spelling out? that you want to work through being ill, that you want to avoid landing them in it with you going off sick but you need some support to make that possible? sorry she's being so stonefaced about this.

hope everyone is ok - well done to those not drinking

wednesday is back to school day here - it's actually come round pretty fast surprisingly. the holidays are much easier without constant hangovers and lack of quality sleep and feelings of guilt and depression from the booze funnily enough.

sAf - glad you are feeling positive about the return to school. I do love the cinema. Go a fair bit with the kids to the £1 showing at the weekend. I am not averse to going on my own although haven't for years

Will be quiet for the next few days as off camping in Devon with the kids . Take care all and stay brave and calm.