Even if he pleads guilty to all charges on the 5th, Hiding, it's unlikely that there'll be any outcome other than he'll be further remanded on bail to the Court pending medical/social reports prior to sentencing.
If this proves to be the case, the ILs will continue to be constrained to shut the fuck up keep it zipped with regard to communication with you relating to contact or any other matter.
You've mentioned some confusion over his bail conditions and now would be a good to clarify these with the police, your dv worker, and solicitor who should endeavour to ensure that whatever conditions have been imposed continue or additional conditions are imposed if it's deemed necessary.
The way to get through the coming weeks and months is to continue doing what you've been doing, which is to immerse yourself in the normality of your everyday life and build in as many treats as possible to lift your spirits and give you reassurance that you're going to go from strength to strength regardless.
It's still very early days, honey. It's not even been a fortnight since you were brutally attacked in your own home and, as the numbing effect of shock wears off, you are likely to feel emotionally vulnerable and tearful and, more especially, because you are still recovering from an op and processing the devastating effects of your double bereavement.
As for rationalising his attack on you, you'll be on a hiding to nothing there, my love. If he were to be honest about why he did what did, it would amount to little more than he did it because he could and because he felt entitled to do it.
He planned to attack you and, no matter what he or others may tell you, he'll have his own rationale to justify what he did. Although he may profess to be sorry for his action, not knowing what he was doing blah de blah, that will merely be for form's sake and to persuade the powers that be to show him the mercy he denied you.
The unpalatable truth is that, somewhere inside him, he's glad he attacked you as his twisted mind sees his assault on you as him having the courage of his convictions.
It is to be hoped that being convicted may go some way to put an end to his self-congratulations and that the sentence he eventually receives is commeasurate with his crimes and is sufficient deterrent to persuade him not to re-offend.