First Post: Trust issue or me being silly

[Motion]

Hi,

This is my very first post on MN. Been lurking for over four years but never felt I could contribute nor had a major issue I wanted to discuss. Apologies for the long content...

Anyway something happened last night that I would like your considered opinion on, in parts a silly series of events which has left me wondering about the importance of trust in a relationship.

So last night my DS needed a new change of sheets, my DP and I were both involved in the stripping down of the bed but neither of us could find a new waterproof layer, now my DP does all the washing (I do the ironing and all the cleaning) and only occasionally would I get involved loading the washing machine up etc. Anyway we both look in the usual places for the white washing, airing cupboard, ironing box etc and can't find anything so I question my DP about whether it could be downstairs in the tumble dryer, 'no' I'm told, that was checked earlier this evening and it is empty. Some more searching and then I head downstairs whereupon in the utility room I open the dryer door and find a pile of damp white washing including the waterproof sheet. Now the usual arguments / comments follow about you said this, it was here etc occur and then we return to normal before going to bed.

At this point my DP says that for the record they would like to say that they believe I moved the washing into the dryer tonight and I am lying about finding it there!!! At this point I get pretty angry and swear it wasn't me and generally spend 5 minutes protesting my innocence (I have no reason to move it not lie about it). Anyway in summary my partner doesn't believe I'm telling the truth (I am) but I can not prove it. My DP is CONVINCED that they checked the dryer earlier that evening and therefore I must have moved it since it was empty when THEY checked!!!

So am I being silly to think that it is terrible that my DP does not believe me? I have never protested my innocence so strongly (been together 15 years) , plus I have no real motive to move or lie about it so this morning I feel so sad that my DP just doesn't, can't or will not trust what I say.

Thanks for listening

@AnyFucker

Partner does always feel they are right everyone else wrong. Never been told before to my face that she does not believe me regardless of what I say.

The only thing he has drip fed is that he is a man.

There is nothing else that he has written that could have changed your opinion so drastically.

How disgusting that you have one set of rules do men and another for women. How utterly disgusting.

That was to MissFaversam

I don't think its that she doesnt believe you she just can't face being wrong and that is more important to her self worth than making you feel the way you do. Its not a nice trait and tbh I wouldnt let it go until she backed down and at least admitted that she could have been mistaken.

@MissF

Certainly didn't intend to 'drip feed' the story, the only additional item has been the gender of my partner. I'm still unsure how that impacts anyone's response but I guess I should be realistic that people's response can indeed be different depending on the gender of the subject matter.

I have tried to be as clear and succinct as possible, my reasons for posting where stated. I have appreciated the ability to discuss and also can understand the different opinions, happy to admit I still remain somewhat sad that my DP is unable to believe me.

My DH did accuse me of not telling the truth on a couple of occasions, and I went ballistic. I couldn't understand why he would not believe me, and how he expected me to just accept being called a liar. We did have a very frank discussion about it, and he admitted that in his family it was the kind of thing they'd say in a row, whereas in mine it was a really really big deal to accuse someone of lying-the default assumption was that we must tell the truth, and did tell the truth. (He has difficult parents who favoured his sibling and would throw some unbelievably horrible things at him, and each other, during arguments, then shrug it off afterwards).
He accepted it was a very hurtful and damaging thing to say, and assured me that in his rational mind he doesn't think that I lie to him. I accepted that it was, to an extent, coming from learned behaviour and a difference in family culture. We've both agreed it is not the kind of thing we should throw at each other, and we haven't since.
Talk to your partner OP. Get to the bottom of it-does she really think you do anything to get one up on her, and save face? Why can't she admit to being wrong, when she is wrong? There is a bigger issue here than wet washing.

Your partner is a bit of an arrogant, self-important gobshite then ? Is never wrong, even when she is wrong ?

Google "gaslighting"

As much for the lurkers, as anyone.

I do believe the OP is being given another very large stick here

If Op wanted any more sticks, it's all out there. He wouldn't need to look for one here

Thank you Eldritch, good to hear a related story. Will try to address to calmly tonight.

@AnyFucker, sounds kind of harsh but the last bit is definitely right. I normally make a funny story about mistakes etc since DP is known for her always right attitude but I think now that probably doesn't help her except fault - must take mental note.

Very true I suppose AF ay.

Would dearly love to hear the other side of the story in this case though.

Excuse my ignorance but unsure about the reference to sticks.

Gaslighting is a new term which has provided a lot of reading material it seems.

Where it takes me I do not know - but thanks for the start.

"other side of the story" is true for most threads on here, I reckon

Yes true again AF. Something just doesn't sit right here, lurking?

MissFaversamTue Would dearly love to hear the other side of the story in this case though.

Yes because men are not to be believed.

There is always another side, but compare that with your first response to his op when you thought he was a woman.

Yes true again AF. Something just doesn't sit right here, lurking?

Is sat fine with you when you thought it was a woman.

@MissF

Nothing posted intending to confuse. 'Lurking' is very common on the internet, I'm a member of other forums but do not post on a daily or weekly basis, since the birth of my DS I've enjoyed (but never joined) MN on a very regular basis in various forums.

Only today felt the need to post, you might not believe me - it's a problem I'm having recently :)

Yes it did poopoo yes it did. Control is a strange animal.

What's with the whole double standard thing?

Who changed their mind when they discovered DP was a woman?

People are just asking questions, same would be done if OP was male or female, no?

Unless I'm missing something?

you might not believe me - it's a problem I'm having recently

We all have our own opinions and mine in this case is i don't. There will be plenty though who do.

Control is strange animal? Sticks? What the hell are you talking about?

What are you still doing here anyway? You clearly think women can't be in the wrong so why do you feck off and find a woman to advise. Tell her how evil men are!

What's got up your arse Poopoo, one of them sticks