I found a list in my husbands pocket

[InSearchOfSunrise]

I've posted before about our difficult situation, relationship breaking down etc.

I just found a list in my husbands pocket with all our worldly possessions in a column, prices, and buyers. The buyers were all his family.

I feel sick to my stomach. Those were things we bought together. How can he compile such a list and how can his family be scavenging for bargains when our family is falling apart?

Feel sick and don't know what to do. Can he do this? I'm having images of his family just walking in and picking up my things and walking out with them, and me not being able to stop them, with a six month pregnancy and a 3 year old watching as her things are carted away for peanuts.

Please someone help

I don't have anywhere else safe to remove dd to - its not as simple as that is it in real life? Where would she go? I've explained how it is at my mums. She's not familiar anywhere else.

I've tidied up, she's had a bath and her book and story and milk and has gone to bed. I've eaten. I'm pulling myself together.

He's not home yet. I sent him a load of texts earlier. Really regret that but it's done now.

Call Social Services or equivalent in your area.

What if he decides that you are not taking his child?

What if he decides that you are not leaving?

What if he becomes suicidal and decides to take both of you with him?

What kind of texts OP?

If you contacted one of options we have all give you they would help organise things. I just worry that your dd is caught up in this mess and your oh might do something stupid.

And the vast majority of women who are murdered by their partners have previously said "oh, he would never do that".

We know this is difficult for you. But get help, and get out. Now. Even if it means going to a woman's shelter with your child.

This man is potentially dangerous.

Women's Aid would find you somewhere safe.

Where you are is not safe.

It really is that simple.

I take it he doesn't normally stay out this late? It's a good thing he's out of the house. I just hope he doesn't come home drunk or anything as that's a recipe for disaster. Xx

Don't usually comment on these threads but please have a think about where you see this going, your going to be more and more pregnant and anxious about the impending birth, you should be preparing for one of the happiest days of your life but instead your worrying abut bring made homeless or getting slapped again.

When you have the baby, is your DH going to come to the hospital with you or look after your DD whilst you labour alone? Who's going to look after you and the baby in the first few stressful weeks? It's hard enough with a baby and a toddler without all this hanging over you.

Please listen to the posters on here who have gone through this and seek help.

Right listen here OP when you look at your daughter what exactly goes through your head ??? your job as a mum is to protect your kids at all costs you have been given loads of advice and telephone numbers instead of wasting credits texting the low life use that credit for positive things. The seed of suicidal is already in his head and with your actions are not helping or lack of

Thanks sweetkitty. x

Wowser - no he doesn't, hes usually
Home early. We don't drink, so that won't happen. He'll usually come home, when weve had an argument, make himself
Something to eat/drink, and go straight to bed.

If you go to a refuge, your DD stays with you. Please.

How the hell do I pm someone on a phone, can't see the option.

Insearch I know you are scared, I know its not easy especially when your not ready and have been emotionally beaten down :(

Still here to help if needed. Will ask housing officer friend advice on Monday.

I think you have to make the decision if you are willing to put yourself through this abuse in order to not run then have to move anyway.

Why hasn't he paid rent, is he earning too much for part hb at least? Can you speak to the landlord and tell them you weren't aware.some landlords wont take hb because their insurance companies wont allow it.

Thank you chubba. I don't think dd is in immediate danger. He has never been aggressive/violent with her, and loves her very much.

As for my lack of action, I think I'm putting all the energy I have in just getting through the day at the moment and keeping a smile
On my face for dd.

I came on here for support, but I'm feeling more and more pressurised into doing something i do not feel ready to do yet.

Just to add my eh threatened and attempted suicide so I know how scared you must be.

Ok. Well whatever you decide I really hope everything works out for the best for you

I am sure the ladies are just concerned and not meaning to pressurise you.

Maybe you could speak to them just so you know your options? You wouldn't have to make/do anything but then at least an organisation is aware and you know what you can do if you need to use there resources. X

Apologies OP.

My last post reads quite aggressively, not intended at all.

Your situation reads quite starkly to us outside of it and it won't get better.

Your DH sounds mentally unstable atm.

When, why, how did it get to this?

I dot understand how you are still there riskif yourself and your daughter

Nobody wants you to feel pressured by posting here. The advantage of posting here is that you get an outsiders view. Sometimes outsiders can see more clearly what's happening, what pattern is being formed. There is a pattern to male abuse of women and children. There is a pattern to the really awful things that happen in some people's families. We don't want you to have to deal with anything like that.
We just want you to be safe.
I have to say, I don't think you are safe atm. I know you can't go to family but that's why people keep mentioning Womens Aid. Because they will keep you safe. I know you're hurting and scared. I know you want this to go away. It isn't going to go away though. So you have to navigate through it and keep safe

Be safe, Sunrise, whatever you do. X

You will have somewhere else to go if you would only call Womans Aid.

That's what they're there for.

If you don't care enough about yourself, care enough for your little girl.

He doesn't deserve to be able to hurt you both any more than he has done.

Take care x

I don't want to read about you in the papers. It is often apparently "loving parents" who decide to punish their partners by killing their children and then committing suicide. Please phone woman's aid now before he gets home. He needs help too, you going might stimulate that happening.
I know this sounds harsh but he sounds out of control and who knows what he is thinking and what he is capable.

"She's not familiar anywhere else."

That's a barrier to action which doesn't make sense as you are going to have to leave this house sooner or later.

You are familiar to her. She needs to be with you.

Agree with aufaniae about using barriers.

Also you 'pulling yourself together' sounds like you are minimising his actions.

Oh Sunrise. You know best how your DH is really behaving, and whether that is prone to chopping and changing. It sounds to me as if he is reacting rather than planning (i think the 'I'm going in a month' thing is him wanting to put it off) and that means that you can't really predict what will happen next.

I understand entirely your point of view about staying put and feeling that you can give him the responsibility for ending your relationship (though I think he's already done this). I can see that 'not running' will help you move on emotionally. But the thing is that it's looking like you might have to move on physically too and having your DD and newborn (soon) means that you will be making decisions for them too.

You don't have to act on any of the advice here, but some of it is very good. It really does no harm to find out from people like Women's Aid, and Shelter, and the council what is available to you, now or in the future, and know where to get help when you decide you need it.

I wish you well in your decisions and in your pregnancy (I hope the bleeding has stopped again). We are still here to support you and just take it as a measure of how much people care that they are telling you so clearly what moves they think you should take.

Thank you homebird. That's exactly how I'm feeling.
He came home a while ago and brought all DDs baby things I asked him to bring earlier from his parents loft.
He kind of stood there watching while I went through it all, reminded so strongly of the time DD was born and he was a devoted husband and father.
So much has changed in the past 3 years.

I know everyone cares and this thread is keeping me going right now. I am listening, I really am. I will call some places Mentioned on Monday.