I found a list in my husbands pocket

[InSearchOfSunrise]

I've posted before about our difficult situation, relationship breaking down etc.

I just found a list in my husbands pocket with all our worldly possessions in a column, prices, and buyers. The buyers were all his family.

I feel sick to my stomach. Those were things we bought together. How can he compile such a list and how can his family be scavenging for bargains when our family is falling apart?

Feel sick and don't know what to do. Can he do this? I'm having images of his family just walking in and picking up my things and walking out with them, and me not being able to stop them, with a six month pregnancy and a 3 year old watching as her things are carted away for peanuts.

Please someone help

Greenwich, I'm north west too.

Can you ask your friend please, that if rent hasnt been paid and that's the reason for eviction, does that make me intentionally homeless and less likely to be housed?

He's in charge of paying the rent - I'm not working. Without him id be entitled to housing benefit but am not at the mo so I can't apply as he's on the tenancy, and I can't pay the rent because I don't have the money.

Get in touch with your local council. You can speak to them about the fact you might be facing eviction. Sometimes they can pay the rent to stop you being evicted.

Have you contacted any of the people recommended to you on here like Cab, shelter, woman's aid?

You are normally only intentionally homeless if you have deliberately not paid the rent so he would be but you and dd would not be I don't think.

Yes and you really need to speak to the landlord and explain your situation and get him taken off the tenancy.

I am not sure where you are but a friend recently had to leave her husband due to DV and emotional abuse. In her case, while she was still living with him she went to her local council who basically classed her and her children as "homeless" as the home they had was no longer a safe place for them to live. They then liaised with local refuges, found somewhere for her (quickly) which was actually a fully furnished flat in a secure block (multiple flats but all part of the refuge.)

She stayed there until the council then found her a permanent home.

I know you are terrified, she was too, but you can get out. Your council may be different but will probably have a similar approach, and doing it that way avoids any of the issues around the rent/being intentionally homeless etc.

Sunrise, I have been in this situation, I was told regardless of circumstances you have to be given emergency accomodation initially if you have a child, they will then look at the circumstances of you being homeless, if they decide you are intentionally homeless they do not have to legally provide you with permanent accomodation after this but they do have to emergency house you if you have a child initially.

If you have not paid your rent because you CANT there are different rules to if you WONT.

Be aware that if you go down the route of waiting out the tenancy end and making them take you to court to evict you that the council will wait till the very last minute until literally the day you have to be out before helping you.

If you do wait it out and make them take you to court you would be better going to court and speaking to the housing arrears advisors (they do set help days here) and explaining the situation, explaining YOU cannot pay and you would be better explaining your home situation to them as if it goes to court it will be in both your names as joint tenancy.

I do think it would be best YOU (not him) need to get out before the end of the tenancy, I certainly think.

If you ever want any practical help, someone to come with you to solicitors, appointments, somewhere to leave smaller stuff, an emergency place to crash the night etc I would be more than welcome to help!

FROM SHELTER

"If you became homeless because of rent arrears and you thought your partner was paying the rent, the council may consider your partner to be intentionally homeless, but not you.

One adult is not usually responsible for the behaviour of another adult. So, if something that your partner/spouse did led to the family being evicted, s/he may be intentionally homeless but you can make a fresh homelessness application

If you got into rent arrears or mortgage arrears because of genuine financial difficulties that were beyond your control, the council should not consider you to be intentionally homeless

Thank you Greenwich. That's so kind of you and I'll keep it in mind x

I just went out for a walk with dd and wandered aimlessly into tesco, just looking at the rows of things on shelves. DD said mummy what are we cooking tonight, and picked up peppers as a suggestion.

I walked out, and bought chips and nuggets from the local take away, and we came home.

He said I was cursed in life.
He said he doesn't care about our unborn.
He said I'm far from the best thing that's ever happened to him in life.
He said he hates the thought of me.
He said his biggest mistake was marrying me.
He said dd was the one thing he loved in life and I'm taking it away from him.
He said I would suffer all my life.

If I know all them things are untrue , why can't I stop crying?

I thought I was ok for a moment during the day, but I'm not, I'm not.
I am going crazy inside my head.
Dd just caught me sobbing face down on the bed.
She's fallen asleep next to me.

I want to die.

You can't stop crying because the person you love and have done everything to please is saying those things to you. He is horrible. Really horrible. He was planning to leave dd, you have never said you would take her away. I wouldn't be surprised if he became "she's taken the only thing I ever loved" absent parent without ever bothering to see her.

Of course will cry, those are such horrible things to say. Dont stop yourself crying, dont bottle it up. The stress and hurt will come out worse later so crying is very healthy.

He is either saying these vile things because:

1. he wants to justify his bad behaviour by making out you are the cause to try and wriggle himself out of the guilt that must haunt him. If he convinces you and himself you are bad enough he can justify to himself that really he is blameless and was driven to this

2. there is seriously something mentally wrong with him

What was he like this time last year? Was he very different or was he still exhibting some of the traits he is now?

Please get away from this man! You and your children should not be in this situation.

This time last year my dad had very recently passed away, and I was wracked with grief and guilt for not living close enough to mum.

He had just had a very nasty break in his leg and was in hospital, recovering from an operation.

He was committed. Very committed to me and dd. Then it all slowly became undone.

Him saying you're taking dd and you suffering, doesnt that frighten the shit out of you? Pack up your things and get out of there, even if you need a couple of weeks with your mum until you can get things sorted, it's got to be better than being with him! He sounds like a loose cannon

InSearch - can you safely call Women's Aid now - right now?

If not, what is the thing that is stopping you?

I want to see him leave us, not the other way round.

I have ran and ran and I am running no more.
Once he walks out with all his things, I'll accept it as over in my mind and in my heart.
I can't do it any other way , and I can understand why it is then frustrating for you all to read the pain in my words.
But please do read and respond regardless, I need it.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with "running". Hopefully this will be the very last time. And it is for yours and your daughter's safety and well being.

In search the only way to force him to leave is through the police if he refuses to go. You would need to report he hit you though.

Him leaving probably wont make landlord revoke notice either to be honest. Hb can take months to come through, if its already been two months I can't see them waiting.

Is the notice to leave purely on arrears or a straight forward two months to vacate? Some landlords chose the latter as its easier than battling through court for the first if its not a huge amount owed.

seriously...you can't allow this situation to go on...think of your DD...she must have been suffering more than enough of this atmosphere and negativity all around her...you can't leave and do this for yourself, your dignity and well being?....do it for your DD...please...

He doesn't care about you or your DD or he would have gone by now...he prefers to make you suffer and only wants the worst of thoughts upon you...he has cursed your whole life!!!...he is the lowest of the low and seeks to destroy you....he isn't going to leave you...doing this to you makes him feel good (because he's nuts and dangerous) ....you need to run....except running is the positive response in this case....this running is going towards a better future and away from the darkness and you need to see that....

Just run! You run to be SAFE! For your child to be safe, For your unborn child to be safe.

This man is telling you he doesn't care about your pain. He doesn't care about the baby. He wants you to suffer. He doesn't want you to take his daughter away from him. He has hit you before. You don't think he is fully in control of himself.

This is a DANGEROUS situation. Your life and your baby's life and your daughter's life are potentially in danger. The statistics tell us that. Don't let what has happened to other women happen to you. Just get safe. Everything else can be worked on. it's being safe that's key.

I don't know how much plainly I can say this.

I can't run. I'm staying put and that decision is final.

I'm trying to pull myself together for DDs sake, though I'd be a mess wherever I was right now.

Then at least get your DD out of there. It's extremely unfair on her that she should have to go through this.

If you think your daughter isn't aware that there is something very wrong going own between her parents, think again.

Her father doesn't give a shit about her welfare, but you clearly do. So please do something about it.

If you don't run, how can you keep yourself safe? What do you think you need to do to ensure that?

He won't leave.
He doesn't sound in control of himself and is potentially very dangerous.

That means you have to step up and make the changes you need.

You need to get up and go.
And figure the rest out once you and DD are safely away from him.

OP i think we have all been very sympathetic to the point of playing devils advocate many of us have been in this situation this man clearly is sick in the head blaming you for everything , using the suicide card obviously as i said yesterday does not care for his child and unborn child stop feeling sorry for him and think of YOUR CHILD YOUR UNBORN BABY AND YOURSELF there will be plenty of time for crying this is not it GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE Monday will be here alright but what the hell is he thinking in the mean time HE IS SUICIDAL AND WONT CARELESS TO TAKE YOU WITH HIM

I agree this is not the time to be thinking about yourself and crying all though I know it's hard. You have to put your DD before yourself and him and the best thing for you to do is leave or at least remove your dd from your situation.