I found a list in my husbands pocket

[InSearchOfSunrise]

I've posted before about our difficult situation, relationship breaking down etc.

I just found a list in my husbands pocket with all our worldly possessions in a column, prices, and buyers. The buyers were all his family.

I feel sick to my stomach. Those were things we bought together. How can he compile such a list and how can his family be scavenging for bargains when our family is falling apart?

Feel sick and don't know what to do. Can he do this? I'm having images of his family just walking in and picking up my things and walking out with them, and me not being able to stop them, with a six month pregnancy and a 3 year old watching as her things are carted away for peanuts.

Please someone help

Make sure you have dd's passport somewhere very safe. I wouldn't put anything past this man.

That is BRILLIANT news, I am so glad you will be getting some decent support with the new baby, if they know the reality they will help you. And it must have taken so, so much courage on your part, too. I so admire you, because that must have been a horrible conversation to initiate.

I feel an Eleanor Roosevelt quote is called for: Women are like tea bags. You never know how strong they are until you put them in hot water.

Definitely stewed builder's tea, here. ;)

Ah, it's Eleanor Roosevelt! I have been saying that for years but never knew where it originated from. Thank you

Oh I love that quote!

Well done OP.

I just googled to make sure, and apparently there is no record of her having said it despite habitual attribution - also the "nobody has the power to make you feel inferior without your consent" which I love even more! Boo.

They are still damn good quotes, though. And both very applicable to you, OP!

I'm delurking, Sunrise, to say that I'm appalled what your husband has done to you and I am so impressed with how strong and brave you're being (and organized! who was it who said "Get angry, get organized, and watch the world change!" ? Anyway, that's you and you're incredible).

I wanted to wish you luck and join in any pom-pom shaking that's going on, because I think this might just be the turning point in your life, the point where suddenly you realise you're stronger than you even thought, and the rest of your days are going to be absolutely sodding amazing.

Did you ever read any of chocoraisin's threads? Her H left her with a toddler and midway through a pregnancy, and she's got two lovely sons now, and is much, much happier than she ever thought possible. If you fancy it, check out her blog to see someone going through the absolute hell that you're going through, and coming out the other side of it a stronger and happier person.

Hope that it's not wrong to link like that - just wanted to say that you're brilliant, and we're cheering you on. You can, you can, you CAN!

I've just read this entire thread. I have no words of advice sunrise but an sending you un-MN-ty hugs. You're amazing. Truly truly amazing.

I'm so sorry you have had to go through all of this, and even more so at a time when you are possibly as vulnerable as a woman possibly can be.

I hope your sunrise comes soon. Hang on in there; I hear the weather forecast is good for the weekend

What stuff has he been telling his mum? No doubt blaming it all on you. His behaviour is appalling!!

I hope your mum has support for you also, although i am sure she will!!

Well done for sorting out the housing a bit more. Fingers crossed for you that they bump you up priority wise! xxx

Thank you to all who have posted such lovely messages. They really mean a lot x

I was just thinking about the first night I will have without him.
I've never lived alone as such, apart from when I was a student and that was even a flatshare.
I never imagined this lonely life for myself, to be living alone, without anyone, just me and two dc's.
I can't imagine it.
How will I eat alone? Sleep alone? Wake alone? Shop alone?
Bring up my dc's alone.
Dd will miss daddy so so much.
How can I replace her father with anything? She's been after this scooter from John Lewis which I bought her yesterday. Shes had a good day today. Witnessed no crying, although talk of emotions has been high on her list.

She took her scooter out on the street with me earlier, still very tentative.
It feels like something a daddy should be doing.
He loved her scooter and said wow, look at this dd, and he's promised to take her to the park and teach her how to ride it. He will, I know.
But I just thought what about when you're not here? And who will take her swimming? And who will she watch football with? How will she cope without seeing her daddy everyday, and lying on the sofa with him every evening?

I will cry most evenings - I know it. I'll be short tempered and sad and exhausted with a newborn. And my precious little girl will suffer in the process.

Wowser - stuff like she's not right with me, doesn't want to live with me, doesn't care for me or love me.

Yes my mum is very supportive. She said she'd come and stay at mine but she's going abroad very soon , which I'm dreading as it all may come at once with her gone. I was thinking of locking up for a few days when he goes and going to mums - but if mum isnt back by then, it will be an extremely lonely and difficult time for us.

I was reading one of DD's (beautiful) picture books to her this evening, with a heavy heart, and the wording just made me so think of my situation and made me feel so incredibly sad. I will type out some words here:

Not last night but the night before,
Three black cats came knocking at my door.
I came downstairs to let them in,
They knocked me down like a bowling pin.

Not last night but the night before,
The man in the moon came knocking at the door.
He rushed right in, he didn't stop,
He spun me round like a spinning top.

Not last night but the night before,
Three little pigs came knocking at the door.
They roared right in like a choo-choo train,
And knocked me down on my back again.

Oh sunrise you have no idea how marvelous you're being. So strong and proactive and organised! Your little girl is going to do just fine, no, better than fine because she has a wonderful, caring mum like you.

Ahh Lovely lady,

I still cry, lie proper sobbing every time I hear Somewhere over the rainbow because I used to sing it to DS when he was a tiny tot and it reminds me a of dreadfully sad difficult time of when I was so unhappy with his father and then when I was learning to cope alone.

But we got there, and there were some fun times along the way. I have a lovely photo of when I took DS to the park and he went on a swing for the first time - he and I look so happy.

Small things will get you through, days like yesterday will do it, just take a single step at a time and don't let yourself get overwhelmed,

Let yourself feel sad, it's important to mourn and in the future what your daughter will remember is that you were sad and you were affected the same as she was by the end of this relationship, it will make you stronger together. At some point she will need to talk about how she feels and if she knows you have been sad too it will make that easier for her - if she thought you didn't care/weren't affected it would make it harder.

Thinking of you today.

Aissambh - wrong thread??

What a perfect thread for spam.

How are you doing today, Sunrise?

De-lurking, having followed this thread from day one but without anything truly useful to say that hasn't already been said... but I just want to say I think you're amazing, Sunrise

I know you don't feel it, or probably even think it right now, but you are.

And I've reported that spam post

xxx

So he's trying to make out your the one wanting to leave? Sounds like he's embarrassed to admit his own actions to his family. I am glad you told her the truth. With any luck she will tell him he is an idiot.

I know it will be strange for you. It takes a lot of adjusting but you will do it and you will be happy again, x

I reported the spam post at about 8.30am. So annoying.

Sunrise - I hope you can stay strong

Hello all,

I'm going to visit mother in law today.

I truly regret allowing the relationship between us to go sour because of him. She used to be so welcoming to me and DD, and has looked after DD at the drop of a hat when asked, for months at one point when I was studying and he was being difficult with childcare.

I just didn't see it, I believed him when they said they hated me to such an extent that they'd cross the road if they ever saw me outside.

oh Sunrise keep on keeping on - one foot in front of the other. Now is the perfect time to take up friends and family on their offer of support - let people rally round. And this involves telling people. Do tell people what he's done. You've done nothing wrong here, and have nothing to be ashamed of.

Lastly, please don't imagine that you can't manage to be a loving and wonderful parent to your children, giving them a happy and supportive and fulfilling childhood, alone. You'd have managed if your H had died, wouldn't you? So let yourself grieve, but don't think you can't do it alone. You can!

Oh Sunrise, I come accross your thread and spent so long reading through all 20 pages of replies and just had to say you're an bloomin' inspiration. You decided how you wanted to handle the situation and stuck with those decisions. You've been such a strong mummy for your little one. You've had dignitiy, strength and seemed to know exactly what you wanted to happen. . I really am in awe of you. I won't pretend to know what your situation is like, as I don't. but . . wow, what a fab lady and mum you are.

In time, you may want to read through this and remind yourself of just how strong you are.

Well done xx

Aww thanks littlelegsmums- thats such a lovely post x

Just got back from the in laws.
There was a definite tension and awkwardness there, especially with FIL. He's obviously told them all the swearing etc we've done at each others families but omitted what hes said to mine and just told them what I said about them in the heat of the moment.

MIL sat with me and made small talk, but you really could cut the atmosphere with a knife.

What an ordeal that was. They were ever so polite... But I'd have rather they brought it all out in the open and said whatever was on their chest.

At least it's over with.

I need tea.

Thank you blackcurrants - I don't think they're about to grasp the olive branch though.

Do you think they may have spoken to him since and him tried to make out that you were inventing things? I would expect his mum to call him when so appalled by the new info, tbh, and she will so want to believe her son is not who this behaviour makes him.

Honestly, I would ask for childcare support and help when you go into labour and in the early weeks. Children loved by the same people can be a definite bridge, and there are not many people in this world you can rely on to love your kids as much as you do. One step at a time.