Homebird - morning 
Thank you. I could see the effect it was having on DD, with me staying in and crying - she was becoming withdrawn and anxious within that short space of time I was losing grip , and I had to change it fast.
She's back to her own self, and she really does get so much love and attention out of being with her Dad's side of the family that for that reason alone I have reached out to the family and bridges have been built again, for dd and for dc2 when he/she arrives.
Also I think I havnt clarified that his family were not aware of 'the list'; they assumed we were getting rid of stuff together. They don't really truly know either, what is going on in DH's head - he hasn't been speaking to anyone apart from casually mentioning to his parents about thinking of moving abroad for work.
There has been no mention of a split/divorce to anyone, so for now, my status in the family is firmly as his wife and daughter in law to them.
As difficult as it may appear from the outside, it is actually comforting for me right now.
DH and I have not talked more about our situation although we've briefly talked about my re-connection with his family, which at first he was mad at (as I spilled the beans on Ladbrokes thing), then confused, and now appears impressed that I've managed to get 'back in' with his family after months of no contact.
His behaviour has generally toned down from aggressive, defensive, and negative, to a lot more calm and relaxed, bordering on positive 
. I am still observing it from afar!
Mum and older brother have been fantastic in their support - especially with the pep talks when I had a major wobble before going to this family (his) get together yesterday. His sister replied 'tell him to piss off to work or somewhere' when I said what if he's there and makes it awkward for me , which also helped immensely 
he was there, but it wasn't awkward. It was just ...normal. Which is strange, and sad and hopeful and painful all at the same time.
I feel as though there is an ocean of hurt inside me - and from time to time, I sink below the surface of it in despair.
I don't know what is happening with my marriage.
I don't know what is happening about our housing situation.
I don't know if he will wants to go.
But every day I keep smiling and happy, is a good day for DD and DC2 - it's an achievement.
DD starts nursery in a weeks time, and I've been preparing for that (H&M are fantastic for funky, long lasting and cheap nursery gear that you don't mind them getting covered in paint!)
I will hopefully be starting voluntary work in a school on them two days from September so should help my banding position and get me out too. I really have missed the classroom, and this should be a good link with a school for the future in terms of work.