I found a list in my husbands pocket

[InSearchOfSunrise]

I've posted before about our difficult situation, relationship breaking down etc.

I just found a list in my husbands pocket with all our worldly possessions in a column, prices, and buyers. The buyers were all his family.

I feel sick to my stomach. Those were things we bought together. How can he compile such a list and how can his family be scavenging for bargains when our family is falling apart?

Feel sick and don't know what to do. Can he do this? I'm having images of his family just walking in and picking up my things and walking out with them, and me not being able to stop them, with a six month pregnancy and a 3 year old watching as her things are carted away for peanuts.

Please someone help

If you are being evicted do not stop paying rent if you want to be taken as unintentionally homeless, without taking advice first.

When I googled eviction for a friend I came across avery sad thread on netmums where the mum had stayed in her house until the baliffs came, on the advice of the council. However she didn't realise she was meant to still pay rent. So she found herself classed as "intentionally homeless" and the council's duty to her was just 28 days.

However, i have no idea how this works if the eviction is for non-payment if the first place, or how the fact that you've split up affects you.

But if you are paying rent now, don't stop paying it without first speaking to Shelter or similar and getting some proper advice.

Auf - the notice we've been given is an end of tenancy notice. But we are in rent arrears for last month and this month also.

I'm not intending to stop paying the rent, auf. Whatever happens afterwards, I think it's only fair that we pay the agreed rent for a place we are living in, period. I just didn't want to end up paying it all by myself while he gets off scot free. His business not making any money isn't my problem anymore.

Hi sunrise I'm so glad that you now sound much more upbeat about things.

And oh, you said in your text that I had lost everything. I have lost nothing worth keeping Fabulous

sunrise that makes sense morally, but what matters here is the council's rules. It would be worth checking with one of the professional agencies where you stand if in rent arrears.

You really don't want to find yourself "intentionally homeless" that would be an absolute disaster, as the council would have no obligation to find you accommodation beyond 28 days.

I guess you might be OK because of the relationship breakdown thing, but I'm not a housing professional - you should get it checked out so you know where you stand.

On Shelter's website there's a list of questions to see if you will be classed as in need of emergency accommodation.

Question 4 is

"How did you lose your last home?

the council will ask why you left your last home, to help them work out whether you are intentionally homeless or not.

Did you leave your last home because you or someone in your household did something that they shouldn't (such as causing problems to neighbours), or failed to do something that they should have done (such as paying the rent when you could afford to)?"

If you answer yes to this you get the following:

"Result - You may be classed as intentionally homeless

If the council decides that you are intentionally homeless, you will not be entitled to longer-term housing and will probably have to leave any interim accommodation it has provided ? within 28 days of receiving the council's decision letter.

Is the council's decision correct?
The council has to give you its reasons in writing. Get legal advice immediately to see if you can challenge the decision. The rules are complicated and the council may be wrong. Don't wait until you have to leave your short-term accommodation to get advice.

You may be able to challenge the council's decision if:

you did everything you could to avoid leaving your home
you gave up your home because you didn't know you had a right to stay
the actions that led to the eviction were carried out by someone else in your household, and you didn't know about this, or couldn't stop them from happening
you left because you were given incorrect or misleading advice about your rights
It wasn?t reasonable for you to stay in your home.
What other options do I have?
Even if you can't get the council's decision overturned, you may be able to get help from social services if you are:

under 18,
have dependent children, or
are disabled.
You may also be able to apply for a permanent council home - you may be given some priority on the waiting list, although this could also depend on the reasons why you lost your last home. You will probably have to consider other housing options in the short-term because waiting lists are usually very long."

So whether you will get help or not is open to interpretation basically and you could well end up with no help.

If on the other hand you tick all their boxes, you get this result

"Result - The council you applied to should house you

From the answers you have given, it sounds like you meet all the criteria and you either have a local connection with the council's area, or you don't have a local connection anywhere at all. Either way, the council you applied to should house you.

What am I entitled to?

You are probably entitled to ongoing temporary housing from the local council. You can normally stay until, you can move into settled accommodation.

What can I do if the council refuses to help me?

If the council says it doesn't have to help you, or you think the housing it offers you is unsuitable, get advice immediately. There's a fairly good chance that you may be able to challenge the council's decision.

What other options do I have?

You should also apply for a permanent council home - you may be given some priority on the waiting list. However, you will probably have to consider other housing options in the short term because waiting lists are usually very long."

Here's the link to Shelter's emergency housing rights checker

I do suspect that as there's a relationship breakdown you may well be OK here - but that's only a guess! It's definitely worth checking out.

Sorry you wont be entitled to any benefits while he is living in the same house regardless of whether you are together or not.

I have been in that situation recently and could not start claiming until I moved into my own house. Sucks i know!

Yes like him going around saying hurtful things is really helping the situation!

What is the plan for today OP? You sound like you are getting yourself together by phoning some people which is a positive step xx

Wowzers that isn't strictly true as if you are living in the same house but not partners you should be entitled to some benefits but others may be affected still. It is worth going to check out what you may be entitled to. You have to be living together with someone as couple so the fact he wants to separate out joint bills he used to pay as though you are no longer married but just housemates may affect you entitlement. You need to speak to someone about it because it may come down to proving you aren't a couple, maybe by having a separation agreement.

Are you actually working at the moment, OP? You mentioned being a teacher...but not sure if you are just off on holidays, or not working at the moment....

How are you today op?

Just thinking that the advice posters are giving on housing and benefits would need to be different if you are working FT, for example.

Just come across this thread and read through it all. What a nasty, horrid, selfish, disgraceful man.
I hope that in time you manage to break free from him and find a home for you and your unborn & dd.
He sounds really dangerous, manipulitive and self destructive. Whatever you do, do not leave your dd alone with him as he sounds like a loose cannon waiting to go off!

Porto - in not working at all at the moment. The plan was to start next september, when baby is nearly one.

Thanks auf - I'd better get that checked out.

Housing lady sent me an email to say she'll need to check that info and see it was more than ten hours a week (it was) and whether it needs go be ongoing. If it does, I'm screwed - i'll need to quickly get in touch with them and ask them if I can volunteer come September.
I'm sure they'd have me back. Dd will be in nursery anyway so I can do it time wise. Should I be upfront with them and say I'll need a letter to confirm I'm doing this for housing purposes? I'm loathe to taint a professional relationship with the mechanics of benefits and housing. It feels very cheap and underhand, although that is what you are advised to do if you want to prove local links with the area.

Yes. He is behaving like a very awful thing right now - I don't even recognise him. He's thinking he's getting away with it by saying you've made me into a monster, but that monster would have had to be an inherent part of him to have come out at such a stressful and uncertain time in our lives, lift its ugly head, and then point straight at me.

What I meant was I won't need the school to confirm I'm doing it for housing purposes, but will need a letter off them to confirm it TO housing.

I'm glad you can see that (the monster part).

He said I've killed all his confidence by being overly-critical and doubtful of his ability all the time, and now he's realised, he's getting away from me.

He's projecting. Putting you down so much somehow makes him feel better? Fuck knows how? You are not to blame for his failings. But you know that.

He's ripping at your confidence, not the other way round! He is saying these things to make you feel guilty, rise above it.
He sounds emotionally abusive, aswell as physically abusive and he clearly needs to see a doctor and get up out of your face.

Well, as far as I thought, I've supported him throughout his career changes in any way I could, whether it was practically
Or financially.

I don't know what he's talking about. Criticism never did suit a narccisist though, did it.

I called my midwife yesterday. I explained the situation. She said she'd have to refer the case to social services because it was a safeguarding issue where dd was concerned - really??? I felt a bit cheated of trying to get support.

Anyway, the conversation with him was spurred on by me texting him and telling him this, because I was so so angry that he's put me in this situation and dd could potentially end up on the protection register. I don't know if that will happen and I'm worried - is it likely ? Does anyone have any knowledge of this?

I suppose as a teacher you get the end product, of a child on a register and don't think about how it happened for them to get there. You just assume the child has been directly abused and judge the parents massively won't be doing that in a hurry again.

Anyway, today I've made an appointment with an independent domestic violence officer based at the hospital, for tomorrow. Hopefully she can give me some all-important 'proof' for the lady who was after injuries

Tough - ok thank you, I think I'll be giving CAB A ring to ask about that.

Offered I believe it is true! At the moment her husband is still contributing to the household income as they are under the same roof. Unless England laws are different to Scotland. But of course phone and ask them!

I guess it's just a formality for the midwife. Did she say anything supportive other than that? Xx

Also well done for making the appointment to see the DV advisor! You are making the right steps and should be proud of yourself for standing up to him .

English law is different to Scottish but my point was it affects different benefits differently and depends on the terms of the split. The fact her husband wants to financially as well as emotionally separate is significant because he is saying he is not willing to live together as a couple but instead as housemates.