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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I found a list in my husbands pocket

601 replies

InSearchOfSunrise · 10/08/2012 20:51

I've posted before about our difficult situation, relationship breaking down etc.

I just found a list in my husbands pocket with all our worldly possessions in a column, prices, and buyers. The buyers were all his family.

I feel sick to my stomach. Those were things we bought together. How can he compile such a list and how can his family be scavenging for bargains when our family is falling apart?

Feel sick and don't know what to do. Can he do this? I'm having images of his family just walking in and picking up my things and walking out with them, and me not being able to stop them, with a six month pregnancy and a 3 year old watching as her things are carted away for peanuts.

Please someone help Sad

OP posts:
whatthewhatthebleep · 13/08/2012 12:49

I apologise if my concern for you and your DD was wrong...perhaps it had more to do with the way your post was written than anything else...either way it concerns me that you were feeling like you were last night...

I'm sorry if my caring caused you upset though...that was not my intention. You are dealing with an extremely stressful, difficult situation and it would be no surprise if your anger and breaking point were heightened at times...

I hope you were able to make some arrangements with the landlord/estate agents today...

Your local council housing department will have a duty to house you if you are unable to remain within the marital home due to safety, etc....you would have to be telling them this though and this decision you must make before they will help you formally as homeless and a priority iyswim.

People want to be of help but you need to tell us where you feel you are at with things so that we can advise and help with what you feel you need at the moment....

Have you been able to see your HV and explain your situation....I think it is important that you are making some people aware of your circumstances and their advice and ability to help you can be there for you too...it also will record what is happening and provides any evidence you may need later iyswim....maybe for housing etc later...a record of things can be very helpful to you

Original poster
InSearchOfSunrise · 13/08/2012 13:17

Hello everyone.

I'm going to read all the responses properly later - just a quick update.

I rang my council and asked to speak to the lady that is handling my application for a council home. She said she was just about to input my application and was going to give me a call. She said I was in band three. I explained how the situation is becoming unbearable. She said confirmation that I have links with the area can place me in band 2, but that for band it needs to be violence with injury. I didnt have any injuries from the slap, so I think I'll stay as far as band 2.

Does anyone have ANY experience with the banding system or anything? I've never applied for it or known anyone close enough to have gone through the process.

I've emailed to ask for this confirmation and the lady has given me her direct email address to forward to her once i get it. She also said to call her if something else came up. She was lovely and was trying to help as much as she could.

OP posts:
TimeForMeAndDD · 13/08/2012 13:21

I went into a refuge with my DD. When it was time for me to be housed I was automatically given priority banding, which was a B. I was homeless as a result of domestic violence. Band A is priority for disabled people. But I am in West Yorkshire, the system may be different elsewhere.

TimeForMeAndDD · 13/08/2012 13:22

I forgot to say, until I was homeless the council didn't want to know, they couldn't help me as I had a roof over my head. I was on the list for years but in band D, which isn't priority. Once I had left I was homeless so was given priority.

doinmummy · 13/08/2012 13:26

Well done sunrise. I'm pleased you have made some progress. I don't know anything about the banding system. However, a friend's daughter was a vulnerable adult (drugs involved..long story) and she got her drugs counsellor to email the housing people confirming her situation.

I wonder if your Gp would be willing to e mail something to them that would help push you up the ladder.

Keep going you're doing fab xx

doinmummy · 13/08/2012 13:27

Actually , thinking about my friend's DD had been given an eviction notice and that, coupled with the counsellors input helped push her to the top of the list.

Offred · 13/08/2012 13:40

Yes I think it is different with different LAs.

Offred · 13/08/2012 13:41

Are they aware you have had an eviction notice?

Original poster
InSearchOfSunrise · 13/08/2012 14:04

Yes I've told them about the eviction notice. I'm going to scan it and email it to her now. I was thinking of possibly taking some pictures of the room dd and I share and show her how overcrowded it is, there's hardly room to move. Just waiting on that email now.

What else. Oh, she gave me a number for a local housing association that hold Housing clinics , which I need to make an appointment with and go.

I think I need to speak to my midwife next.

OP posts:
Offred · 13/08/2012 14:05

Wow, you sound really fired up and proactive sunrise! Xxx

doinmummy · 13/08/2012 14:07

You're making good progress sunrise . I pm'd you yesterday I think . Keep going.

FiveMonths · 13/08/2012 14:23

Just wanted to add a quick note, that if WA were no use, there is still your local refuge which will have a very good outreach team and they're often much more helpful.

Maybe that is the number they tried to give you. Most of the local services are listed on their website - I found ours there, they can offer free legal advice, help with housing and so on - if you PM me your town I'll have a look for you x

FiveMonths · 13/08/2012 14:25

Only that the more services you have on your side, who know your situation, the better supported you will be iyswim - it really helps just having them to back you up, they canwrite letters for you to help with benefits, everything - it makes you feel believed and understood, and that's so important when you suddenly find yourself on your own and have to deal with numerous agencies, councils and so on who don't know if you are telling the truth, or need it explained over and over again.

LizaTarbucksAuntie · 13/08/2012 14:35

Keep at it, now you're moving things forward.

Hope you're starting to feel a little more positive

Original poster
InSearchOfSunrise · 13/08/2012 15:16

Just rang my midwife. Couldnt get hold of her but the midwife took my phone number and said I'll get someone to give you a call back.
I'm running a radox bath now for my aching muscles. Dd playing tea parties with giraffy as tv time is over and switched off.
Taken some meat out to make a stew - DD's favourite.
Feeling ..a lot more calm and stable.
I can see that is because he isn't here, and can imagine life being good without him now - at least until he sorts himself out.

OP posts:
FiveMonths · 13/08/2012 15:44

That's really good to read x

OneOfMyTurnsComingOn · 13/08/2012 15:46

That sounds really positive, Sunrise. Good for you, and good luck.

crisisofidentity · 13/08/2012 16:08

Sounds all good progress today sunrise, sending you wishes for a calm evening.

Ormiriathomimus · 13/08/2012 16:40

Well done sunrise x

Lucyellensmum99 · 13/08/2012 17:59

You are a fantastic mum sunrise - it shines (see what i did there!) out from your posts that you just adore her!

Wishing you the best of luck for your housing situation. FWIW you don't have to be top of the list, as far as i know, as you may well have a situation where there is someone who is deemed higher priority than you, on the list, but it is all assessed re properties, so if the property suits you better than the other person then you may well be chosen over the other person (so, it has three beds and they need four iyswim) something like that. These things change like the weather. My friend has just been allocated a council house, she was on the list, but in a rented (fairly secure) house with enough room with her DP and DCs. She was rung because her name was the first on the list (literally first in the pile, so pure unadulterated luck) of interested parties and the original tennant pulled out at the last minute so they were offered the property and accepted (it happened in a matter of hours!).

Wishing you all the very best xxx

Lucyellensmum99 · 13/08/2012 18:00

Um Blush that made little sense to me so apologies to anyone else reading it

StuntGirl · 13/08/2012 18:10

You sound so much more positive and proactive today sunrise, good for you!

CuriousMama · 13/08/2012 18:32

Just read this thread (or most of it) and am glad to read that you sound as if you have a plan now. I really hope you get the help you need. I can totally understand your reluctance to leave. You'd have been in denial and holding/clinging on to how it was not how it is. I hope you can keep the attitude you have now. The freedom you'll feel when there's just your dd and baby will be immense.

TopCuppa · 13/08/2012 19:03

Well done sunrise- you are making great progress for you and your children- you should be proud of yourself. Keep going and hang in there x

Original poster
InSearchOfSunrise · 13/08/2012 21:16

He's been texting me nasty things, like I had it all and I fucked it up and now I have nothing, and how I couldnt keep him happy, and how now I am all alone and should be happy.

Sad he said he's going to talk later.

Feeling abit sick with dread.

OP posts: