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Original poster

I found some knickers that are not mine. Can anyone come up with an explanation ?

307 replies

ABitOfAPuzzle · 06/08/2012 20:02

OK. H just back from a weekend away with his friends, doing a sporting activity.

I found some women's knickers that are not mine, and not my DC's, openly left out on our bedroom dressing table.

Has anybody any ideas of what could be an appropriate explanation for this ? At the moment, I am struggling to see one. I am asking him about it later when the DC are in bed.

No other signs, or history, of playing away, btw. Just this.

OP posts:
kinkyfuckery · 07/08/2012 19:35

Just to clear this up in my head, is he claiming he left them sitting out a couple of weeks ago? But you only just noticed them? Do you believe that?

garlicnuts · 07/08/2012 19:55

I do wonder whether any of you would be equally as unsettled as I am though if unexplained women's underwear was found on your partner's dressing table though, immediately after he came home from a lads weekend

I would assume they'd found their way into his bag through accidental, innocent means. My first thought would be to ask his room-mate's partner if they might be hers!

If the weekend had been preceded by a period of unusual detachment on his part, uncharacteristic behaviours and/or strange communication about the trip - I'd probably be on 'alert' and so any oddness might provoke a little sleuthing.

garlicnuts · 07/08/2012 19:57

It is weird that he doesn't seem to realise you might be disconcerted. It's also weird that you haven't told him you are.

ginhag · 07/08/2012 19:59

I don't think it's impossible that they could belong to a friend of your DC. Surely even teenagers have period pants?

Finding it utterly bizarre that people seem to be managing to wind each other up on this thread.

garlicnuts · 07/08/2012 20:02

Stop it with the pan pipes, please! They've set off my tinnitus. I'll lounge on your rugs and cushions, though, if that's OK, gin and inhale your second-hand bong smoke.

Original poster
ABitOfAPuzzle · 07/08/2012 20:04

kinky, that is my main concern with this

I can categorically say those knickers appeared yesterday. I know what is left lying out in my bedroom, I expect most of us would.

Yes, he knows I am perturbed. We have just had a big row about it (unusually for us)

OP posts:
Houseofplain · 07/08/2012 20:08

I think what's "getting" people and tbf, it's apt considering the actual op.

Puzzle wanted to know if there were ANY plausible reason for bleach skiddies on her sideboard. Lots and lots of explanations were given.Lots and lots of plausible mishaps which have happened to mners. Remembers the time I found a 8 year old condom in my trouser pocket.

11 pages of "appropriate" explanations and similar experiences. Yet op isn't satisfied. She's not happy that any of the, fit? So what more is there to say.

She's been asked if she wanted to expand. I know I, and many asked at the beginning, if there was anything more to it? Did she actually trust him etc? As so many people have similar, appearing sock/knicker/boxer/vest experiences. A skiddy pair of sloggies wouldn't scream ow. For op it is. As shes still uneasy amd questioning. So I'm not sure what anyone can say to that. As she won't expand as to why the mistrust is there. Just dismissing the 11 pages of explanations and scenarios out of hand. I'll admit I don't get it.

fluffyraggies · 07/08/2012 20:18

What was said OP?

I feel sad for you at the mo, as you seem at a loss :(

I would want a concrete explanation too.

hairylemon · 07/08/2012 22:03

His flaky explanation wouldn't be good enough for me I'm afraid. He doesn't know anything about them but he might have found them, even though he doesn't know anything about them, a few weeks ago, but you only saw them yesterday?

My whiskers would be twitching too op.

Original poster
ABitOfAPuzzle · 07/08/2012 22:10

thanks for asking, fluffy

he was angry and defensive and asked me why this was being "put at his door" and why I was being "off"

of course I explained as I have on this thread why I was asking him about this and wtf shouldn't I ? (not going to recount convo word for word here)

I was already pissed off because he was late from work with no text or call

this isn't going well, communication appears to have completely stalled atm (from both of us)

OP posts:
Houseofplain · 07/08/2012 22:18

I dunno, I really don't. See it sounds innocent enough to a lot of people on here....

See heaven forbid my husband found that condom in my pocket....nothing would have come of it. But I'm just imagining if he did and accussed me of cheating and was "off". I'd be pretty angry too and defensive, as I would have known there was an innocent explanation.

The crux of the matter is, you don't trust him right? That's why you are off. You think there is the possibility he's brought an ows knickers home? Well it's game over then surely? He's not going to admit it. Plus he could well be innocent. But you don't believe that.

kinkyfuckery · 07/08/2012 22:20

Hmmmm. Sorry that it is having such a negative effect for you, even if it does turn out to be completely innocent.

Has any of his other recent behaviour given you any cause for concern? Is being late home something that is expected in his line of work?

StealthPolarBear · 07/08/2012 22:22

Why are people getting do angry with the OP?

Houseofplain · 07/08/2012 22:26

It's 12 pages in. Obviously op isn't taking this as innocent, like 99% of the rest of the thread.....so it's reasonable I think to maybe ask her why? Is there anything else? Anything unusual? As if she trusted him, I don't see this as a huge thing.

That's not anger, it's trying to work out exactly what she is saying. As her op has been answered 100x. Is itshe does not believe him?

garlicnuts · 07/08/2012 22:31

Puzzle - If you have no reason at all to question your relationship, then you are BU about the knickers. Nobody here is inclined to call you unreasonable, because you do seem upset. But you will not talk about anything except the damn knickers.

Would you like to talk in more general terms about how you feel in your relationship?

AgathaFusty · 07/08/2012 22:33

I think anyone finding what the OP found is bound to be a little unsettled by it at the least. Maybe full on suspicious, maybe not. Depends on the individuals involved, and their relationship. It doesn't matter how much trust there is - this is something without an obvious explanation, so a niggle of doubt is to be expected.

garlicnuts · 07/08/2012 22:34

Just a thought ... Do a lot of unexplained things happen around your H? Is that why this is upsetting you so much??

garlicnuts · 07/08/2012 22:34

xposted, Agatha, sort of.

RunningWithSharpScissors · 07/08/2012 22:35

I'm really confused by this thread. I've read right from the beginning. I'm a very suspicious person but even I don't think that the OP's DH has been up to anything he shouldn't have been - if he had, why on earth would he leave the evidence lying around? Surely he would have binned it as someone suggested further up the thread?
Also, loads of possible explanations have been offered as to where they would have come from and at first it seemed that OP was accepting these, but now it seems that OP is no longer sure? And of course her DH is going to get fed up if he thinks he's being accused, when he's innocent.
I also have had random bits of clothing turn up, it's usually something to do with the DCs, but most likely explanation here is that OPs DH picked them up while he was packing his own stuff - from back of hotel drawer, under the bed, could have been loads of places, don't think most blokes are very careful packers.

Original poster
ABitOfAPuzzle · 07/08/2012 22:42

I said at the beginning of the thread there were no other causes for concern, which is why I (irritatingly for some) took so long to calmly ask him if he knew where the knickers came from

I didn't accuse him of "cheating". I rebutted his "possible explanation" that he found them a couple of weeks (he has since reduced that to a "few days") ago and left them out, thinking they were mine. I know that to be not true, so why would I let it go ?

it is unusual for him to be late home from work with no call, but I put that down to him being pissed off with me

the crux ? What has he to be pissed off with me about ? I don't make a habit of making accusations and haven't here, but he has run with the anger and defensiveness.

it's unsettling, and out of character (both of our behaviour is at this moment in time, tbf)

perhaps being asked a direct question is seen as an accusation by some ?

it's seems so, but I didn't think that of him

OP posts:
VicWilcox · 07/08/2012 22:43

I'm confused at the way the OP has been treated on this thread. She comes across as bemused at the mystery pants, unsure of how to tackle it, unhappy to have a non-explanation from her H, and is now feeling unsettled. Seems perfectly reasonable to me.

Men who cheat leave evidence lying around all the time. Believe me. This is how they normally get caught.

And why should the OP be placated by the fact a bunch of strangers have said 'Well, the pants may have come from x y z'. These are all guesses. If it was me I would be feeling unsettled too.

Hope you are ok OP.

Original poster
ABitOfAPuzzle · 07/08/2012 22:44

I am confusing myself Smile

OP posts:
RunningWithSharpScissors · 07/08/2012 22:45

"I didn't accuse him of "cheating". I rebutted his "possible explanation" that he found them a couple of weeks (he has since reduced that to a "few days") ago and left them out, thinking they were mine. I know that to be not true, so why would I let it go ?"
Which bit do you 'know not to be true'?

RunningWithSharpScissors · 07/08/2012 22:47

vicwilcox OP said that he left them on the dressing table - not quite the same thing as leaving evidence around carelessly.
OP - I hope you are OK too !

Original poster
ABitOfAPuzzle · 07/08/2012 22:48

Vic, your first paragraph has it. Thanks for making my own reaction a bit clearer to me.

I still don't think he has been cheating though. I am not making sense, I realise that. I like concrete explanations. I am not going to get one, unless someone I know rings me with the question "have you seen my pants, I left them on your dressing table the last time I was at your house (like you do...)"

OP posts: