New man - redundancy - depression?

[theendishere]

Been seeing someone for 1.5 months. he was made redundant a year ago from a co he'd worked for for over 20 years. He says he feels "flat", doesn't know what he wants to do, feels frgile, can't commit to anything, feels he not meeting my requirements, etc. He even said he wasn't sure he could spend 3 whole days/nightd with me as might need a break.
I really like him, but i've only recently split up with stbxh, still living in same house due to necessity, going thru hell sorting finances thry solicitors. Not sure if i can take anyone elses stress on top of mine. Sounds horribly selfish as really like him and want to help, but feel on the edge myslef too..
I know the sensible thing it to stop seeing him, but not sure i can tell him that. Apart form liking him alot he is also a distraction from all the crap i have going on,but i don;t feel it's right somehow with all he has going on too

Wow, read all your comments and I think you're mad to get into anything more serious with this guy. Being single is a MUCH better option as you may become more lonley in this relationship than you already are. A new relationship should be fun, getting deep and having issues from the start is not a good basis for a loving healthy relationship in the future. Nip it the bud now before you get too involved (it's only been a few months not a few years) and be single and find your own happiness for a while :)

Can you see when he last logged in?

It doesn't give a date but looks like it was a while ago

Op, I am really sorry, but You are in such a bad way, (presumbaly still not recovered from stbxh?), you can not see the wood for the tress.
Almost everyone on this thread has told you the same thing, right from the start, but you are just not listening.
I am not sure what else we can do to help you or support you in this.
Why are you clinging on for dear life?

theend, don't you think you're worth more than this?

Please just get out of this? End it.

Just read through your thread , you sound sooo sad and somehow defeated which as someone expecting her decree absolute any day I understand

As everyone says this "relationship" is not doing you any good and nor is it likely to.

I agree you should sort out your divorce and learn how to be on your own and to love yourself before going out there to look for a new partner. A friend gave me this advice early into my split and I cringed at the loving myself bit but she was spot on.

It takes time and effort but in my case I quickly discovered firstly I didnt need a man to make me happy and in fact now I dont want a man at all.

I think possible part of it is wanting a distraction from the awfulness of the situation at home, also i get lonely as all my friends are married so do family things in the eves and weekends and don't often have time to do other things. I've joined a local social group so hoping that will hlp distrct me from the horrible situation at home and the man i've been seeing

Thanks for all your comments. However i think that maybe he does really care.
I hadn't been feeling well when i saw him a few days ago, the next day he checked how i was, and when i took a while to answer, he checked again. why would he even bother if he didn't care about me at all? Also he texts first nearly every day, does things for me, etc

Until you are properly single, you'll be a booty call.

Get your life straight. Get yourself single, find out who you are and THEN date.

You're not ready. This is not a bad thing of me to say about you, it's not a failure, a weakness or a criticism of you, it's a mere statement of fact.

You shouldn't be turning yourself inside out for a guy like this one, you're just escaping, fleeing, running blindly to anywhere but where you are now, you are not walking calmly to your next life phase. You are incapable of stating boundaries, you are too needy and too accepting of mediocre. You don't value yourself, are content with crumbs, and are making excuses for someone who isn't really there for you.

you're desperate to be chosen by him, to be accepted, cos this will prove to you that you*re not broken...

A while alone will show you that, not a bloke. A bloke like this will only run your self esteem ragged, and it's taken enough of a beating.

You are the one that should be choosing, not this bloke. You need to choose YOU first, then you choose the lucky man that gets to join you on your journey.

I agree with Hissy, its more of the same because its what you are used too, better the devil you know, youve traded one idiot for another.

I agree with Hissy.
I fear you are just unable to see clearly at the moment.
What is blindingly obvious to ALL OF US Here, is that you must end this, finish with this man. Immediately. But you seem unwilling to do so.
This just proves our point. I am so very sad for you.

I'm not sure he's THAT bad! I'm probably missing something, but why do hink he is sooo bad?

Actually, I think it's noticeable that most people have not said too much about the bloke (beyond a bit useless, weak, absent, not worth it etc, which I agree with).

Most of what they're saying is about you and the way you're responding to this underwhelming man, and what it says about where you're at emotionally. You just seem content with very, very little.

But I'm not going to post about it again, you plainly have a different view.

I agree MadBus.
Everyone is trying to help Op, but we are just not getting through.
I too must leave this thread.
I sincerely wish you all the very best OP.

Thanks, I honestly do appreciate all your help and comments