New man - redundancy - depression?

[theendishere]

Been seeing someone for 1.5 months. he was made redundant a year ago from a co he'd worked for for over 20 years. He says he feels "flat", doesn't know what he wants to do, feels frgile, can't commit to anything, feels he not meeting my requirements, etc. He even said he wasn't sure he could spend 3 whole days/nightd with me as might need a break.
I really like him, but i've only recently split up with stbxh, still living in same house due to necessity, going thru hell sorting finances thry solicitors. Not sure if i can take anyone elses stress on top of mine. Sounds horribly selfish as really like him and want to help, but feel on the edge myslef too..
I know the sensible thing it to stop seeing him, but not sure i can tell him that. Apart form liking him alot he is also a distraction from all the crap i have going on,but i don;t feel it's right somehow with all he has going on too

It's OK, thank you - you sound like you are a lot more sensible than me in moving on, I am so bitter about it all I have turned into a complete man hater, and cringe at the idea at the mere thought of dating another tiresome man.

And you should see my relationship advices lately on MN.

I think every time I have said some variation of 'oh tell the prick to fuck off'

I should stick to chat threads in future really.

Now he's 'forgotten' that we'd planned to meet tonight as he had a mad rush to take his daughter out. Says he'll still meet if he can, but am more that a bit annoyed he forgot about our plans. If he's just said he had to take his daughter out so could we postpone, but he didn't remember our plans til i mentioned it. Think time to say goodbye.......?

That level of messing about, forgetting dates, being a head fuck, after 1.5 months is not on. He should be keen on you, treating you well and wanting to see you at this point. I think you could do much better than this. Actually, being on your own is much better than this.

I don't think good looks should excuse crap behaviour.

i Know, it's crap isn't it. He' said before how he looked forward to us meeting and was even nervous sometimes, so really surprised and disappointed by this. I know he had a madly busy weekend and then the unexpected outing today, but still feel let down that he forgot our plans.

He's taking the piss. I think you have to be 'madly busy' whenever he calls from now on.

Hmm yes, think you're right. supposed to be seeing him tomorrow - might just go to tell him what i think and see what his response is...

have just drafted a text saying i'm fed up with with behaviour and want to cancel tomorow and other evenings. Is it bad to text him to end it or should i call/do it in person after 7 weeks of seeing him?

Id text it to him. After all he thinks nothing of doing it to you.

A text is plenty. I don't think he'll put up much of a fight.

I dont know...
He's been texting agin this evening but i told him i wasnt feeling great and was going ot bed and couldn't discuss things now. he said he wants to talk tomorrow but he didn't acknowledge that i'd been upset yesterday...he just asked what was wrong this evening

I just don't understand why he texts every day. It was like he'd 'forgotten' that i was upset yesterday. HELP!!! So not used to all this

TBH it sounds like he's messing you about, he's too apathetic to pursue a relationship but at the same time he wants to know you are 'there' so when he gets a twitch in his cock he can call you up and try to get a shag.

Just text him: 'This really isn't working for me, let's not see each other again, best wishes.'

theend - he texts everyday because at some point everyday when he's a bit bored/lonely/at a loose end, he finds he has the time and inclination to pick up his phone and press a few buttons (yours, as well as his phone's, obviously).
How much effort does it really take for him to do this?
He's been very straight up already in demonstrating that he's self-centred and inconsistent, and from what you've said about his life choices he's obviously into instant gratification. Why wouldn't he text you whenever he feels like it? What's it costing him? (Answer: a few seconds of downtime and maybe a few pence, but probably just the former...)

If you just want to use him for a shag now and again, fine. But if you're looking for anything more forget it, because this man will bring you down until you're as depressed as he allegedly is - at which point he'll go from strength to strength while you're left clutching a packet of anti-ds.

What you should be enjoying is the distraction of a wild affair with a good-humoured and considerate man who wants to spend as much time as possible with you, and you'd be a fool to settle for anything less.

"I just don't understand why he texts every day. "

He's one of these that doesn't know what he's got until it's gone. Bumbles along treating girlfriends as low priority until they threaten to walk and then he's all over them like a cheap suit. It's probably a pattern. To break it off you'll have to be 100% unequivocal. 'It's over. Don't call me'.

Not so sure i can use him for the occasional shag -not really my thing, but see what you mean.
Thought it would be a fun distration from things but seems i'm wrong...
Yes sadly it does appear that he's quite self centered and despite me telling him on sunday evening he'd upset me because of the misxed messsages he sends, he's said nothing to reassure me and yesterday even asked why i wasn't feeling great - I would have thought that should be obvious??

What's the phrase? 'He's not that into you'... etc. He's not bothered that you're upset, not prepared to reassure, not worried about letting you down. First few months of a relationship you're meant to be walking on air, desperate to be together all the time. This is him on a good day...

Cogito - I know you're right. Think that draft text might be sent shortly...

He sounds like a bumbling fool tbh. And everything is about him.

Such a shame - he seemed so nice to begin with and fancied him alot so thought he'd fun to spend some time with and a friend said he might restore my faith in men.... He' certainly failed on that front:(

Maybe your friend has different expectations out of a relationship and/or thought you were looking for someone more casual? He doesn't sound like a particularly nasty or devious type.

Cogito - No I don't think he is particularly nasty or devious. Just think he wants something casual with little emotion involved. Is that how it seems?

he's just sent a texting asking how i am and if i want to talk. I've sent a not very friendly one back saying i'm still fed up. oh god, do i call him to explain or just send the text ending it??

I think he's looking for casual 'no strings', pick up put down. If that's not what you were hoping for, end it rather than keeping the conversation going