New man - redundancy - depression?

[theendishere]

Been seeing someone for 1.5 months. he was made redundant a year ago from a co he'd worked for for over 20 years. He says he feels "flat", doesn't know what he wants to do, feels frgile, can't commit to anything, feels he not meeting my requirements, etc. He even said he wasn't sure he could spend 3 whole days/nightd with me as might need a break.
I really like him, but i've only recently split up with stbxh, still living in same house due to necessity, going thru hell sorting finances thry solicitors. Not sure if i can take anyone elses stress on top of mine. Sounds horribly selfish as really like him and want to help, but feel on the edge myslef too..
I know the sensible thing it to stop seeing him, but not sure i can tell him that. Apart form liking him alot he is also a distraction from all the crap i have going on,but i don;t feel it's right somehow with all he has going on too

Yes, can see your point re getting on with things following redundancy. howver he's also been thinking of setting up by himself so guess he's going round and round in circles...

well am seeing him tonight so will see how it goes...

What happened OP?

He assured me he does want to keep seeing me and i think maybe the job situation is at the root of the problem.
However it is a bit hurtful he said he wasn' sure if he could do 3 days together 'without a break' A friend suggested it could be ecuase as he's feeling so up and down, he doesn't want me to see him 'down'. He texts me first nearly every day so he must be interested to soe degree or why bother?

Why bother? Because he's confused and needy depressed, theend.
Clearly he's interested insofar as he wants contact when it's convenient and at no or little cost or effort to himself, but not so interested that he'll tolerate you being around as a real person with needs and desires who doesn't disappear or turn into a pizza when he can't be bothered...
He doesn't sound like much of a goer.

I don't want to sound harsh - but if only after say 7 weeks of knowing someone you feel like crying....
How's that good to you and what does it say about this relationship?

I'm sorry but the inability to commit to three days would be too much for me. I'd want desperate excitement at the idea of having
me all to himself for a few days early on in a relationship.

I've always liked the song Burn by Tina Arena - do whatever you want or need but if I'm going to support you then what I need in return is your passion for me.

Mango, I think you could be right. He probably does just want me to be around a couple of evenings a week and to have a bit of communication by text in the meantime.
Waiting - yes i had kind of hoped he's ben really pleased at the thought og those 3 days, rather saying saying he might need 'a break' during that time - not at all what i wanted to hear. Yes, I'd have been a bit nervous as we've never spent that long together, but if he'd been more enthusiastic would definatley have given it a go.

Not sure if i should keep seeing him as don't want to be there just for his 'convenience'. Having said that, when we are together it's normally really good...

I'm questioning why he's done no work whatsoever since quitting the job he hated.

Has he thought about doing some voluntary work? Not only could this lead to a full time job, it would probably improve his mood significantly.

He hasn't done any work as he can't decide what to do and is thinking about setting up by himself. he said he goes round in circles trying to decide. yes someone in rl suggested voluntary work but think he's still thinking about elf employement

He's got too much time on his hands and subsequently over thinking. Part time voluntary work would do him the world of good, I think, at least for a little while, leaving him to plan for his business the rest of the time.

Yes London I agree. Still not sure what to do about seeing him, or not though...

he wants to see you on his terms - are yours the same as his?

Wake up and inhale the Java..... stop being a mug. You're his 'stress relief', that's all. Something he can pick up and put down when he needs a shag shoulder to cry on. So early into a relationship, people are meant to be on best behaviour and trying to impress. Not dumping on you with their issues and idiosyncracies.

Tell him to get back to you when he's worked through his problems. Nothing bad will happen to him if you do that. As you say, you have plenty of problems your own and it's stupid to take on someone else's

Cogito, yes it does feel a bit liek that. Although there's still not need for him to contact me first most days and when i suggested it might be best for us to stop seeing eachother, he said he really didn't want that. Maybe it is just a shag he's after :(

Things even worse now. He texted this eve to ask how i was. When i didn't reply quickly he asked if he'd upset me. I just said i didn't know what to think as felt he was giving mixed messages. He said nothing to reassure me and said he must be missing something and has now said he's off to bed...
Think he was definately just using me :(

He sounds like a whinyarsed loser: bin and move on. You are under no obligation to 'look after' this man when you've only known him a couple of months. Let him go and bore his friends and family, who should cut him some slack if they've known him a long time. If he hasn't got any friends or family, then run like fuck because that would mean he really is a parasitic failure who moves on from person to person as he sucks each one dry.

Christ he sounds like a drip.

I don't really feel that sorry for him. He got made redundant and seemingly spent a few months pissing his redundancy money up the wall. He is now 'depressed'. He can't cope with you for 3 days without a break. He is making you upset and doubtful of yourself after 6 weeks.

You have got enough on your plate without having some brain drain like this to try and sort out. I would give up trying to work him out and help him. He needs a kick up the arse.

He's just said he wants us to talk tomorrow.
He's got friends and is very close to his family and speaks to them and sees them alot.

Get - that made me smile. Shame i fancy him so much though, although all this crap is rapidly putting me off.

OP You're just coming out of one stressful relationship. You are not ready to dive straight into another.
For your sake and for his you should tell him you need some time on your own.

I know.I was hesitant to meet up with him in the first place, and then just told muself it could be a bit of fun. But it's not fun now...

I don't blame you for wanting a distraction. I am in a similar boat to you - split up, but me and XP are still in the same house, and the finances are very complicated and trying. Add into that my teenage dd who is terribly upset about the whole thing, and the fact that I have a chronic illness which has flared up recently, I really don't blame you for trying to cheer yourself up with a good looking bloke.

But he sounds like he is adding to your woes really. He doesn't sound like he wants to help himself either. He just sounds like the type of bloke who will sap you energy whilst mooning around mournfully all the time. You would soon fancy him less because of that anyway.

Good luck though, it sounds trying

Thanks Get. Sorry to hear you're in a similar position too.