I am a shrew but is DH an arse? (long)

[braketime]

Not sure what to do. Yesterday we went to the Olympics to see the diving. Long wait to the awards ceremony, so suggested we leave early and go look round the park (DD lolling around complaining she was hot). Kids fought on and off all day and I did snap at them. When we get home at long last, I start getting them ready for bed. Yell at DD not to get out of the bath to show her dad her blister but to get back in and finish off first. DH then snaps, throws washing basket on ground, calls me a bitch in front of the kids and then says I ruined his day by leaving the Aquatic centre before the awards ceremony. I'm completely flummoxed but apparently he'd already told me earlier that this was what he wanted to do and I'd put him in a bad position by asking to leave (and then clearly sulked about it for the rest of the day).

Later on I tell him it was unacceptable behaviour, he then says I ruined his life by having a second child and we should separate and take one kid each as this is the only way to stop them fighting. Refuses to apologise and says his life is being ruined by the negativity around the children. Then tells me that i ruined his day by insisting we leave the awards ceremony. I told him I would have stayed if he'd said so but he didn't - I can't see that I did wrong but according to him it is all my fault and I should have remembered that he'd said before he wanted to watch it and I'd put him in an awkward position.

We do fight a lot, we snap at the kids a lot, they fight a lot. We are a disharmonious family. We could probably do with parenting lessons. But this is extreme surely?

DH always drags up old ground, criticises my parenting in front of the kids as says I yell too much. But the other weekend he threw a cup of water in DD's face as she was rude to him when he asked her what she wanted to drink (she said "whatever"). No apology to any of us, I just had to take a screaming DD upstairs to bed.

I'm sure if I were a better parent then life would be better. But do I have a right to expect better behaviour from him. Both DD and DS challenging - DS constantly in trouble at school (10), DD (7) very dramatic and high-maintenance at home (always screaming!). We got an educational psychologist to see DS as the school were up in arms - more money out the door. I am worried that DH will walk out as he finds the kids unbearable, to be honest I couldn't afford to live with the kids on my own. Should I just bite my tongue and get on with life?

Brake from how you've described your son, try googling asperger traits. He may not tick every box, so to speak, but you may see a lot of things that apply to your son.
The reason I think it's worth pursuing is because his behaviour may be because he 'can't' rather than he 'won't'. Also, if it happens that he is on the spectrum,, there are good ways of helping him to learn to cope. ASD kids are often sitting on sky high anxiety levels too.

MrsB I looked at the Counselling Directory website and chose a therapist with a degree is psychology and lots of other qualifications and experience. She works for the NHS during the day and GPs can refer to her. She is an Integrated Therapist and gave a hugely detailed 'CV'. Expensive but cheaper than a divorce and every penny has been well spent.

Also well done re last night = xpost

I also wanted to say I found this book very useful a couple of years ago when my kids were constantly at each other's throats. It helped me to switch my parenting style around so it was much more positive and my children responded much better. Not that I am always good at the positive stuff, but I have noticed if there is an issue and I make a conscious effort to remember to apply the positive approach it does work. (And then I go back to being naggy mummy again. ) Have a look and see what you think.

FussArse: thanks.

And braketime, thanks to you too: this thread has given me a lot of food for thought.

Really hope things start to improve at your house.